Hello. For a while, about four months, I have been questioning my gender, and I still don't really know. I am MAAB but kind of feel like I would be happier as a woman (If I was I would be August). Currently I am 20, living at home and going to a community college. I have Aspergers.
I worry a lot about being false. That any alternative identity I might claim is to weak claim to be real. I have no long memories of self-hatred. At most in the past I have vaguely speculated it would be nice to have breasts. I never really thought about my gender until I visited a LGBTAI support thread on another forum to ask some questions about something else and when it was suggested to someone start shaving their legs to experiment I became fascinated.
I am pretty certain I have experienced dysphoria. A fear of looking into the mirror. A feeling of shame gazing at my face. A few hours where I kept trying to hide my arms because of the hair. Or just a rotten feeling. Sometimes this occurs more frequently. And it has not gotten all that bad for several days and it might not get very bad again for a long time. I don't know.
Also I have done minor experimentation with looking more feminine. I have worn lipstick a few times in my room. I borrowed one of my mother's shirts. I shaved maybe an inch of my leg. These all have made me feel great. I don't know though. Any thoughts?
