Fear of Surgery

[Donna Elvira]

Well, a lot of those cons don't really apply to me.  The necrosis, infections, pain, and possibility of losing the ability to orgasm are definitely big "what ifs" for me though.

As far as pain thresholds, I do OK; I know how to keep pain from disrupting my life too bad.  I was able to pass all my classes with "A's" while slowly flushing an 11 mm kidney stone over the course of several months, so I have some point of reference at least.  But I have no idea what to reasonably expect.

I've been told that losing the ability to orgasm is such an ever-present possibility that you need to be ready and willing to lose that ability before submitting to surgery; on the other hand, I have heard that patients who remain sexual on HRT tend to do well post-op and I'm definitely doing fine in that respect (in fact it's better since I have much more erogenous response overall).

My only concern with the "pro's" is that only one or two apply to me.  I can still have sex that isn't too bad with my current body configuration, but what gets me about it is a feeling that I'm missing out by not getting SRS done.  I'm profoundly curious about how it will feel, whether it will be at all like I imagined, and whether or not I'll be able to orgasm but as far as my genitals I'm kind of indifferent to them really and I can't say I intend to use my penis any time soon except as a massive clitoris.

If I could find a doctor who could give me a better than 90% chance of being orgasmic and sensate and who produced good results consistently with few complications, I think I'd feel much better about going ahead.  I just don't know yet if the rewards will be worth the risks and I've made no progress over the last several years in making a decision.  I just want to be able to make a decision I can live with but I don't know what that might be.

Hi again,
I can't help but react again to what to me looks like an over emphasis on the sexual motivation for doing GRS. No doubt for many people it is the first thing that comes to their mind when they think about GRS but I'm not at all sure that it's the principal motivation of the majority of those who do finally take the leap. As it happens, this is probably very well reflected in the way the terminology has evolved over the years: sex change surgery, then gender reassignment surgery and today gender confirmation surgery.

I'm not particularly hung-up on terminolgy but would have to say that in my own case, GCS best corresponds to what I'm doing as it is only since I have gained real certainty about my comfort living as a woman that I have decided to do this final surgery. Sex may come into the equation at some stage but it was definitely not the main motivator and I'd actually be a bit concerned for anyone whose main emphasis was on that part of the question. 

In your case, since you seem to only just starting out on your transition, I'd suggest you initially try to think through all the reasons you are considering such a move and also that you actually start living as a woman well before you give any serious thought to GRS.  Just remember it is far the most radical transformation you can make and only worth seriously considering when you are certain you want to live the rest of your life as woman,  a choice that has implications that go way beyond how your orgasms as a woman will compare with those you experienced as a guy. 
Bon courage!
Donna

[Rose City Rose]

Hi again,
I can't help but react again to what to me looks like an over emphasis on the sexual motivation for doing GRS. No doubt for many people it is the first thing that comes to their mind when they think about GRS but I'm not at all sure that it's the principal motivation of the majority of those who do finally take the leap. As it happens, this is probably very well reflected in the way the terminology has evolved over the years: sex change surgery, then gender reassignment surgery and today gender confirmation surgery.

I'm not particularly hung-up on terminolgy but would have to say that in my own case, GCS best corresponds to what I'm doing as it is only since I have gained real certainty about my comfort living as a woman that I have decided to do this final surgery. Sex may come into the equation at some stage but it was definitely not the main motivator and I'd actually be a bit concerned for anyone whose main emphasis was on that part of the question. 

In your case, since you seem to only just starting out on your transition, I'd suggest you initially try to think through all the reasons you are considering such a move and also that you actually start living as a woman well before you give any serious thought to GRS.  Just remember it is far the most radical transformation you can make and only worth seriously considering when you are certain you want to live the rest of your life as woman,  a choice that has implications that go way beyond how your orgasms as a woman will compare with those you experienced as a guy. 
Bon courage!
Donna

Uh... I'm not "just starting out."

I've been living full-time as a woman for 8 months and I've been on HRT for about a year and a half.  I'm almost completely unable to get an erection now thanks to the meds, and I don't really care because the last thing I want is an erection.  I am comfortable in a female role and just the thought of being anything other than female terrifies me.  I don't think, emotionally speaking, I could or would de-transition if given the choice because that decision would be paramount to suicide in my case.

Sex is of some importance to me because I enjoy intimacy with my partner and I don't want to lose that for the rest of my life.  And yes, I do feel that being fully physically female would actually enhance that enjoyment because my body would be more in line with the role I've already begun living in my public life.  But that's normal, and I reject the pathologizing of the female libido.

Also, sex is not my only reason.  I hate not being able to tuck because of my varicocele.  I hate having to wear loose clothes to hide the obvious bulge.  I hate the pain I get from wearing panties and I feel like an orchiectomy would just leave me feeling too uncomfortably null-gender for my liking.  I hate being reminded that I was born male. 

I'm trying my best not to be offended by your remarks.  You really did make some assumptions about me that were unfounded.

[Donna Elvira]

Uh... I'm not "just starting out."


I'm trying my best not to be offended by your remarks.  You really did make some assumptions about me that were unfounded.

My apologies as no offense whatsoever was intended. My remarks were based on the following phrase from your introductory post from last December:

"I'm still pretty early on in my transition, on hormones for several months but just starting to dip my toe in the water when it comes to presenting in public."


I understand that all things are relative in this world but to me, that sounded rather like someone who was just starting out... That being said, my own transition was probably particularly slow so I can understand that our perceptions on such a subject might be rather different.

Anyway, the intent was simply to explain that based on what I have read here and on my own experience, the reasons for doing GRS/GCS can evolve a lot once you are really living as a woman in all aspects of your life. If, as seems to be the case, you are already fulltime, it is something you may have already noticed but it didn't appear very much in your posts.
Wishing you all the best!
Donna

[Rose City Rose]

My apologies as no offense whatsoever was intended. My remarks were based on the following phrase from your introductory post from last December:

"I'm still pretty early on in my transition, on hormones for several months but just starting to dip my toe in the water when it comes to presenting in public."


I understand that all things are relative in this world but to me, that sounded rather like someone who was just starting out... That being said, my own transition was probably particularly slow so I can understand that our perceptions on such a subject might be rather different.

Anyway, the intent was simply to explain that based on what I have read here and on my own experience, the reasons for doing GRS/GCS can evolve a lot once you are really living as a woman in all aspects of your life. If, as seems to be the case, you are already fulltime, it is something you may have already noticed but it didn't appear very much in your posts.
Wishing you all the best!
Donna

I have been moving rather quickly, but only because I had to wait so long to begin.  I basically had to dive in headfirst because I was going too slow.  Truth be told, I was seeking treatment as far back as 2010 and "ready" to start hormones as far back as 2011 but I got delayed because getting treatment presented a problem.

I've definitely noticed my attitude toward surgery evolving.  When I first began seeking therapy, surgery was the last thing on my mind.  It took another two years before I thought "well, maybe, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."  For a while I put off thinking about it because of the issues listed here; I was afraid.  But now I feel like I need to face my fears and start putting my mind toward making a decision.

I have no problem with living the rest of my life as a woman.  It's the side effects of the surgery that worry me the most.