Feel intimidated to engage in community

[Duskgirl]

Hi everybody!  (Don't know if this should go in 'AARGH!' or not >.> ) First off, I hope everyone is having a good day (or afternoon or evening... or night).

I'm posting this ... as more of an explanation  (right word? Not sure : )) as to why I never post anything, take part in the community, and just lurk like a misanthropic grumpy-butt (my misanthropy has cleared up considerably in the last 2 years ).

Aside from the fact that it takes me a while to get into a new community (as it were — once I get comfy, you might never get me to shut up ^_^), this place particularly makes me feel sort of useless, or maybe that I'm behind the curve of everyone else. I can't relate to most things that are being discussed because, it hasn't happened for me yet. I am pre-everything: I don't even have any references for therapists in my area (that's fixable) but when I see everything happening here for everyone making so many strides in the right direction, I can only sit back and watch (and be happy for everyone, of course). And I know that everyone goes at their own pace, but...

I can't engage in most conversations because I have no firsthand knowledge about (most) anything being discussed (I could just be posting 'congradulations', and other encouragement, but that might get spammy after awhile.)

I can't relate to people who've come out to their family and friends (because I'm too cowardly to do it, and all the horrible 'what if' scenarios paralyze me in fear).

I can't even complain about it (really), because at the moment nothing is going horribly wrong for me — I'm employed (saving up for a car to drive to a therapist once I find one), I have a place to stay (without having to really pay for anything — I love my parents ) and since I'm in stealth-mode (basically everyday — till I have time by myself) I get to smile when people call me, "Sir", "Bro", "Dude" and "Guy" (and don't get me started on my 'guy-voice' — "Why are you so quiet, Dusky?)

Funnily enough, when on other forums (non Trans* forums), I've met some super-freindly people whom I have told (and even put onto my profile openly) that I'm trans*, but it's easier over there because gender issues aren't the topic(s) of the day. (Even on those forums though, I feel equally unequipped to offer any real advice to a more serious topic, but on those forums, there aren't that many serious issues — whereas here, I take everything (that should be taken seriously) seriously, because these are serious issues being discussed here.)

^ this is beginning to feel a tad ramble-y.

This is of course no ones fault but my own — just something I wanted to say: that I've been in the shadows, lurking and reading (from time to time). Anyway, how're you all doing?

[Jessica Merriman]

I don't care what anyone says, you belong here just as much as I do. I was once in the same position you are now and the help and guidance I received here bolstered my confidence and prepared me well for the actual transition. Just because you do not have any experiences to share right now should not make you feel unneeded at all. So enough of that. It will seem like forever, but someday very soon you will be helping others with your personal experiences. Personally I thought I would NEVER get where I am at now, but once the process starts it will fly by to whatever goal you have in mind. Relax and know you are a part of this family no matter how far down the road you are, OK? 

[mrs izzy]

Rambling is good. Ranting is good. Just saying hi is good.

So its all good.

[Umiko]

you know, i feel the same way. i was having this very discussion with myself countless times on whether or not i should stay or leave or separate myself like i have been doing but on a more indefinite scale, but i've realized though nothing has happened and i still have my reservations on what worth i have or what good i'm doing, i still find this place fun and exciting so i comment on the random stuff and stay out of the serious stuff, yet i still do feel like i shouldnt of gotten involved in the first place or shouldnt get further involved. there are particular people who, if i leave for a certain period of time, would give me an ear full so i try to drop in more often and say hello to avoid that  

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Everyone's a newbie at one point or another. I was in your shoes at one point. But I jumped in and said "Hey, hi, how ya doin'?" anyway. (Hadn't went all anthro yet....that was something that was to come many years later. ).

Even with all of the progress that I have made, I'm still going to be far behind a lot of people. I'm fine with that and it's all good in da hood, G! Life is what it is.

[King Malachite]

I'm in a similar situation.  I'm pre-everything, including pre-transition, and I have over 14,000 posts, and I like to think I', somewhat liked around here.  I  would feel bad that I couldn't contribute to some of the more serious discussions here, and from time to time, I still do feel bad because I have no first hand experience of many of the things people on this site deal with.  However, you are a unique individual that will be able to offer discussion from your perspective, discussion that deviates for many of the people's experiences here.  Variety is the spice of life, and it's nice to have different perspectives every now and then.  With that being said, just be yourself here and contribute what you can, and that will be enough.

As far as therapists are concerned, perhaps you should look into online therapy if you really want to get the ball rolling on starting your life as the person you want to be.

[Missy~rmdlm]

The level of community a person engages in is always something to consider. I stick around for now to help people, but since I'm not the most articulate person it can be difficult to convey useful information. I don't post too often.
I do have all that first hand knowledge and experience. Feel free to pick my brain on specifics. If and when I do wrap up online contact it'll probably be permanent.

[Duskgirl]

@Jessica fighting back tears now (happy tears, of course :'))

@Izzy it just feels like whining (coming from me, at least), but thanks for listening (or reading) 

@Vampire Brianna exactly. I've had similar thoughts but, I still poke in from time to time.

@Laura I'm not as outgoing (even online — at least here for some reason). I know that everyone goes at their own pace, but like Jessica said — it just feels like it's never going to happen.

@Malachite of course you're well like (more so definitely). You've got great and thoughtful advice to give (case in point ↑) in addition to being a cool dude.

@Missy~rmdlm I shall take you up on that offer.

@Pikachu :')

[Miss_Bungle1991]

@Laura I'm not as outgoing (even online — at least here for some reason). I know that everyone goes at their own pace, but like Jessica said — it just feels like it's never going to happen.

I wasn't a very outgoing person (in person) before I transitioned. A couple of years after it started, that changed.

[Ms Grace]

Your feelings count. Your thoughts count. As long as what you have to say is an honest reflection of who you are then please share. Having a voice on any forum can be pretty tough, there are those that more adept at expressing themselves and gaining attention, this one is pretty much like that but it is a safe environment so don't feel you can't explore the space and the support and opportunities and potential friendships that Susan's has to offer.

[Dee Marshall]

I'd like to point out that chiming in, congratulating, and asking questions is all girl behavior as opposed to boy behavior so I prescribe a daily dose of dishing for all you quiet girls who feel they have nothing to contribute.

Dr. Dee
(I'm not a doctor, but I RP a few of them in RPGs)

[Jess42]

Why intimidated? We aren't that mean, are we? Seriously though, we all have different experiences and different lives and your life experiences may help someone in the same position as yourself. You are just as important as anyone else and we are a pretty elite group in my opinion.

[Jessica Merriman]

I have over 14,000 posts

That is why he is "King" Malachite!! The lovable teddy bear! 

Like to think you are "somewhat liked". Baby you are LOVED and RESPECTED!!

[King Malachite]

That is why he is "King" Malachite!! The lovable teddy bear! 

Like to think you are "somewhat liked". Baby you are LOVED and RESPECTED!!

I was trying to be humble!   

@Duskgirl thank you.  If you want to feel less intimidated, then try participating in the fun and games section, particularly the last person to post game.  That really helped me (and Jessica I think) feel welcomed in the community, though even if you never play, you are still just as welcome!

[immortal gypsy]

@Duskgirl thank you.  If you want to feel less intimidated, then try participating in the fun and games section, particularly the last person to post game.  That really helped me (and Jessica I think) feel welcomed in the community, though even if you never play, you are still just as welcome!

Yes Duskgirl come join the silliness of the fun and games section. Right now though you should be warned the the last person to post game has become all about bad puns lately. (I shoulder some of the blame)