Tomorrow I board an airplane and leave California, the place I have called home for the last 16 years. I have very mixed emotions about this. I am not leaving on my own terms, I am leaving because with the hand that life has dealt me I have no other choice. I am fortunate and grateful that there are people in the world who care enough to step up and help a person in need.
I am grateful for the opportunity to start over. The last three months have been the most challenging in my life. We don't think about it, but we can loose everything we cherish in a heartbeat. I never imagined that I would wind up homeless. I'm sure most people believe it can't happen to them.
To be totally honest, the last year and a half to two years or so have been a rough ride. If someone wrote a movie about the chaos that has happened in my life no one would find it plausible. As my addiction and mental illness deepened I caused a lot of destruction and hurt a lot of people. I know that words can never make up for my behavior, but I am truly sorry for the hurt I have caused. I am especially sorry for hurting the children that used to be a part of my life.
For my California friends, thank you for sticking with me and being my friend. I will miss you all. I have spent a third of my life here and it has seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. I have learned and grown a lot. It took me until I was 45 years old, but I learned to finally like myself.
To my New York family and friends, I am happy to be near you all again. I have changed a lot in the last 16 years, both physically and spiritually. I hope that you will be as accepting of me as my California friends have been. I realize that some of the changes I have been through are difficult to understand, but I assure you that I would not be here today if I had not made them. While my situation is certainly not ideal, I'd rather have the rest of the world hate me than have me hating me.
