For you, when does or would the need for transitioning support end?

[alabamagirl]

Pikachu, Shaun,

I sincerely hope you never graduate and leave.  We are all human becomings and I for one need you, and hope I can always call you friends.

Peace
Julie

I'd be honoured to be your friend, Julie. You're such a sweet lady.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Reading through this thread and seeing so many talk about eventually leaving the forum makes me sad... I guess I always knew that some people would leave once their transition was complete, but I never really actively thought about it before. I'm not going to beg you girls to stick around, but I wanted you to know that I'll miss seeing you around a great deal once you're gone.

I guess it's just a shock to me to see so many people with such a different view of things than I have in this regard. I don't view transition as having an endpoint, really. I can't imagine ever getting to a point where I think to myself, "Whew, I'm finally done! Now I can feel happy and put this all behind me!" Maybe when I first joined, I had this sort of mentality. The, "Transition starts with this and ends with this," sort. But somewhere along the way, things changed. I started becoming more interested in the mental aspects of transition than the physical. Through the help of some amazing women on this forum, I became more in touch with my femininity. I was able to explore my emotions. I became more empathetic. I discovered a sort of maternal instinct, I suppose. I wanted to nurture people. I wanted to help them see what they so often couldn't: That they're beautiful, precious... That someone genuinely cares when they're going through rough times and is there to listen, and that they would be greatly missed if they left this world.

This is the greatest joy I have discovered during transition. Being there for others. I've never felt more feminine or happy than when I'm helping others. When someone tells me we'll be friends forever or accepts me as a real member of their family, it's a better feeling to me than I'll ever get from hormones or SRS or anything else I can change about my body. And that leads me into another point I wanted to make -- You don't need to be able to personally relate to someone's situation to be able to help them. I should know. I have virtually NO experience when it comes to transition. I'm "pre-everything," as it were (a term I've grown to dislike as it doesn't account for the vast emotional and mental transition I have gone through), and I don't share many of the feelings other girls have about transition. I don't feel scared about it. I'm not worried one bit about society's reactions. I've dealt with the ignorance and bigotry of society my entire life, living in the south. It's nothing new and scary to me. But it doesn't matter whether or not I'm in the same situation as someone. I still know what it's like to hurt. To feel fear. To feel hopeless. And I know what it's like to want to die. I can still empathize. I can still help. I can still be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a loyal friend. Often that's what helps more than anything else. Just being there for someone.

Well, I've gone as far as I can go in my transition. The only thing that needs to be done is completing electro and that is a bit of an open ended situation at the moment. Once that happens (if it ever does), then I'm fine. But I plan on sticking around (having been here since summer of 06 under a few different monikers.) Where else I am going to go?

Green Meadow, perhaps?

Hmmmmm........

[mrs izzy]

I do not think anyone can truly walk away from having a support system.

As we progress in transition we also form bonds with people as friends and those friendships are your support system.

Maybe you do not need the support as needed in early transition but knowing you have friends you can reach out sure makes life nicer as we moved out in the world finished with the transition process.

Ha, i am still here to offer my support. Mine is deeply part of my transition.

This is my way to say thank you to the community for helping me when i needed a lift.

[stephaniec]

well, unless for some reason I don't have access to a computer I'll always check in

[Jenna Marie]

I seem to have an odd hybrid viewpoint, in that I see my transition as having had a concrete end point (which was more than four years ago now), but my transness/membership in the community as open-ended. I *don't* actually see cis normal as a "holy grail"; if I did, I'd be perpetually holding myself to a standard I was doomed to fail, at least inside my own head. I'll never cease to be a woman who transitioned rather than a woman who was born cis... and that's OK. My past is part of who I am, but it doesn't have to define my future.

(I am cis now, I suppose, insofar as my gender identity and public gender and physical body are all aligned. But I'm uncomfortable claiming the unadorned label, because I wasn't *always* cis female and doing so erases a big part of what made me who I am. Just like I can't deny having been a teacher or journalist as both inform the career skills I have now, albeit indirectly and in the past.)

[Allyda]

In Truth, this community has literally saved my life, and steered me toward the happiness I now have found. So I plan to remain a member long after I've had my SRS and other surgeries, as long as this community will have me anyways. I've also met some truly fabulous people on here that I've become quite attached to that I'd very truly miss if I stopped checking in, and hope they feel the same way. I've also met two very special people on here who are very dear to my heart. So I'm sorry ladies and gent's, you're stuck with me, lol!

Ali

[Blue Senpai]

I don't think I'll ever move on from the transgender community and I haven't even started T yet. Granted, that was my original plan but my old college professor, who is my biggest supporter in transitioning, told me that there's a bigger plan in store for me and maybe that I was born to tell a story to teach society something. She talked about maybe writing a book on my transition and the problems that come with it. Who knows, it could happen and I'm not ruling out being an activist someday.

This whole idea would probably out me as transgender but I don't care, transgender rights need to be improved and, let's face it, you got to think beyond yourself and sacrifice stealth to achieve better things for future transgender people who want to be like everyone else. Being stealth wouldn't change things because visibility is important.

[Allyda]

Actually I do feel that I have a responsibility, maybe debt is too strong.  People here saved my life.  If my experience, strength, and hope is useful to someonel, then I hope I am willing to share it.  I always gain more in return when that is how I live.

Also I'd like to add, I couldn't have said it better myself. ^^___^^ Thanks Julie.

Ali

[Evelyn K]

I guessing that if one were to leave Susan's they wouldn't leave the internet so why would some one purposely avoid checking it out like checking out daily news. kind of strange actually, unless your in denial of transitioning. not to be argumentative , just curious. or just to say hi!. of course if you de-transition I could understand I don't know maybe it's not a big deal

I think it's more about some realizing that there tends to be a lot of sadness and precariously unstable decisions around these parts; it's just easier to remove oneself from all the emotional turmoil and internal exhaustion.

[Evelyn K]

Some are givers and some are takers, we all take and some give back. But it's a lot deeper than that, for some it's the emotional connection to an extended family. I came here way back when Susan's Place was new, I had a different name then and enjoyed learning and taking in all the information I could get, there were those I really liked and some not so likable. Eventually I left and moved on. Several years went by and I'd occasionally check out the forums as a guest. Now that I'm fully matured and have taken my physical transition as far as I intended, I have reached a realization that there are a lot of "youngsters" that could use a leg up and maybe a shoulder to cry on and it has been a pleasure for me to transition from taker to giver which for me is just another step in my own ever developing transition into adulthood. I say that because I'm only twenty years old from the time I said goodbye to that old worm and broke out of my cocoon and spread my wings.

For me it's always been a two-way street. I'll ask and I'll consider advice, and wherever I'm lacking in cogent transition related expertise, I still give back to the forum in other (but not always apparent) and different ways.

I actually do have a lot to be thankful for. And that's why I love to participate here.

[Susan522]

Hi!

[Shantel]

Hi!

Hi Susan!

[luna nyan]

I like to think of trans support sites like a high school.
You have your "year" - where you are up to in transition (questioning -> therapy-> HRT etc)
You have your class - mtf, ftm, nb, etc

As with schools, you'll tend to have strongest relationships where there are most intersection of interests.

We go through this school together, eventually "graduating" - when a person has gotten far enough to be at peace with themselves.  At graduation, many move on, not looking back, some come back as teachers/mentors.

Some friendships formed here will last for life.

There was a group of trans I knew reasonably well from a previous support site (now defunct), and they've pretty much scattered to the four winds.   I'm still in touch with one of them, and it's been 12 years and counting.

[alabamagirl]

I don't want to imagine this place without any of you, and Evelyn, where would we be without all the fun and interesting threads you create and your sweet personality?

[Sandy]

I've been thinking about this lately. Do you find that many successful transitioners eventually lose interest in the community? That life for them has moved on?

I've notice something in common with those who have undoubtedly been successful at transitioning. You never really hear much from them afterwards. Oh it's not a knock, it's just a feeling that I myself have been sensing within. That eventually even Evelyn might just fade into the woodwork.

If I had all my major tick boxes checked, would I really need support when I'm busy just living? And as you know, 'normal' life is quite busy in of itself.

Thoughts?

Me leave?  Hell no!  You won't get rid of me that easily!

I've been full time and post everything for almost seven years.  And one of the reasons I did as well as I did was because of all the support I have received from my brothers and sisters here.

I do admit that I don't post anywhere as often as I used to.  But I check in every single day.  For me, now, I feel I must pay forward to those who come after me.  Where I can, help, advise, or listen to those who struggle with their own demons (I *smite* thee demon!).  Or wonder what it's like to be on the other side (fantastic!).  Or if it was all worth it (yes!).

Often times, others may say what I would have said, often more eloquently, so I remain silent.  But that doesn't mean I don't feel the need.

Yes, the daily bustle of a "normal" life can be quite overwhelming at times.  But I always, always, check in.  For I must now give back the gift that has been given to me.

Every.Single.Day.

-Sandy

[Missy~rmdlm]

Funny the comparison to school. I'd rather gouge my eyes out than socialize with anyone from school. I consider it fortunate that I have never met a classmate in adulthood. It was not a good time.
No I don't have contempt for the LGBT community like that, I never have and I never will. I may take my leave someday though.

Edit added: I went to school not far from the Ferguson riot area.

[Kimberley Beauregard]

As my mind has pretty much settled on the gender front, I don't find myself needing this place, but I'll still try to check in once a day.

EDIT: okay, my mind isn't actually completely settled and I might well need this place after all.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Funny the comparison to school. I'd rather gouge my eyes out than socialize with anyone from school. I consider it fortunate that I have never met a classmate in adulthood. It was not a good time.

I actually had an old friend track me down in the before time, in the long, long ago. (aka the year 2000). He went out to my parents house and discovered that I had moved out. He stops by my apartment and wants to catch up. Okay...fine. BUT he ended up wanting to talk about "the good old days" and that got under my skin pretty quick because: 1. Those days totally sucked and 2. I was more concerned about what was going on at the current point in time, even if those days had been good.

I ended up getting a little pissed at him (which probably wasn't the best way to handle it. But, I hated those days so much.) So, I pressed the issue of changing the subject and he makes the remark that "I've changed". Of course, that was absurd. I just didn't want to talk about a time that was 90% crap. It ended on a bad note after that since that comment rubbed him the wrong way. He made the remark that "I was only your friend because I felt sorry for you." I pointed towards the door and told him, in a very calm and yet firm manner, to get out. He split and I didn't see him for five years. I was sitting around getting wasted and he shows up again. Well, considering that I hadn't given him a single thought in five years and I was pretty trashed. I didn't recognize him when I opened the door. He ended up getting all whiny since I didn't go "Oh, hey! It's you" in the half second it took to open the door. I attempted to invite him in, but he left in a huff. I closed the door, shrugged my shoulders and went back to what I was doing.

Haven't seen him since that night.

[pebbles]

Well it's happened several times for me,

You can see in my profile I've been around since like 2007, that's nearly 8 years but it is punctuated... You can see in my earliest posts how I gradually go from;
2007 Depressed collage student, "Am I Trans like you? I don't know..."
2010 Anxious excitable transitioning University undergrad, "I have boobs! My face is changing! Help my landlord wants to 'kill dem ->-bleeped-<-s'"
2012 Cynical sarcastic Young career woman. "The Doctors are useless I'm never gonna get SRS"
2014 Post SRS Recuperation... "Is this normal? Please say yes!"

Each time I needed to learn something from those who've been through this before... In my daily life I don't know any other transwomen who I come into contact with.

That's fine because usually I know what I'm doing, I inject myself with Estrogen, put my bra on, and goto work it's not weird for me, I've been doing it for years.

But it's when things change for you, you need a place like this to discuss your concerns. Afterward your usually pretty grateful so you give back to said community, Sharing your experiences and helping those who haven't get gone through that particular loop of transition.
However that said, there are only so many times you can recite certain excerpts of your life or give advice without it becoming tedious and that's when you leave.

While It's not for me to judge I do honestly have some frustration with those transwomen who from my time opted to delete there accounts upon them leaving however... while I'm sure most don't bother, There post histories offer a potential wealth of knowledge to the next generation of transitioners, by deleting your account you prevent anyone searching for those posts in post history bar.

I know why... Many of them intend on living stealth and want no identifiable information. But it's still unfortunate.

Anywho... hello again susans, Or is it goodbye again?

[Beverly]

While It's not for me to judge I do honestly have some frustration with those transwomen who from my time opted to delete there accounts upon them leaving however... while I'm sure most don't bother, There post histories offer a potential wealth of knowledge to the next generation of transitioners, by deleting your account you prevent anyone searching for those posts in post history bar.

Well then, you have issues with me in that case. My first visit to Susans many years ago I deleted over 1000 posts and then deleted my account. I was being researched by a journalist and I had been dumb enough to use my actual name as the profile.

Sometimes is not as simple as it seems.