Before today, my being transgender has been a secret to my friends, family, any and all of my acquaintances - hell, I've never really told a soul about my ->-bleeped-<- outside the internet - and that even goes down to a select few individuals (that don't know me) - so in short I've never told anyone, and haven't planned to do so for the next several years until college (I'm in high school BTW).
I just felt that this issue was entirely personal and completely my problem - I didn't feel as if anyone else needed to know... - but that was before this summer - or before I had begun to have frequent bouts of depression. I'm MtF - and about a year ago, I was perfectly okay with the idea of waiting until I was out on my own to seek therapy (like I had initially planned) - I'd be about 21 or 22 when I'd actually have the resources to do it (quite a long time from now...) I'm a pretty patient girl - However, as time went by, I felt the constant onset of masculine maturity (facial hair, broader shoulders, etc) unbearable and the deprivation of self-expression was making my world a very dark and very lonely/empty. I guess I felt extremely vulnerable when this happened.
The sooner the transgendered individual goes on hormonal replacement therapy, the better - and I didn't like the idea of losing time I could never get back with each passing second. If I miss out on time, I'd have to live the rest of my life knowing that was entirely my fault. I figured the only thing I could do in order to help myself the best way I thought possible was do something I really...REALLY didn't want to do - which was to tell my mother and hope she'd support me in my transition - get me to a therapist and eventually go on hormonal therapy.
To give you an idea, my mother was born and raised in Alabama - she never gets tired of telling me the story of how a man got raped by two homosexual men in her church growing up - just for an added bonus. She's extremely religious because of what she's lived through in life - and she virtually turned on my brother for NOT living up to her standards of religion. I think she took the news ASTONISHINGLY well considering. By astonishing, I mean she didn't call the elders of church on me (she did that once before) and she didn't toss me out to sleep in the car outside (like she did with my older brother for not going into the Army). She was just sort of like..."WTF are you talking about" you know - eventually she understood that I might have GID and that if I was diagnosed, I'd live as her daughter for now on. She said that if I can make an appointment with a gender therapist, she'd take me and support me
.
She continued on with the day as if nothing at all happened...which is good I guess. My letter bombarded her with information - she had told me to give her a few days to really take it all in. My mom is VERY conservative and yet very open-minded at the same time - I'm glad things worked out as well as they could've I think.
Posted on: July 21, 2007, 07:51:26 PM
Now - after comming out I didn't feel as "released" as many of the other girls here - in fact, I felt even more trapped...as if, you know, now that I've mentioned my ->-bleeped-<-, now I have to prove to my mother that I don't intend to just go out and be a son that wears dresses 'n such. I wanted to let her know that I was REALLY her daughter...like, really...and that she was allowed to treat me as such...- sigh - one step at a time I guess. I know she wanted a daughter - she had even mentioned that when I move out she might adopt a little girl (because she never had a daughter of her own. Go figure...).
