My trip to the Pride event got postponed until tomorrow and not wanting to wait to go out as female I decided to go out last night if only to the store and to pick up my roommate. It was late, around ten o'clock. I went causal but still very female. I left my apartment, locked the door and thought I would make it out of the building without being seen but then as I hit the last step down the stairs and passed the last apartment in the building the door opened.
There she was, a woman maybe in her forties getting ready to walk her little Shih-Tzu. The door to her unit opened and she went to say "hi" but then realized what she was looking at. She blinked twice and responded "Oh.....oh....." There I was in my women's jeans, slip on tennis shoes, wearing a T-shirt from The Mountain which specializes in new age designs. This design had a pretty fairy on it complete with wings. I had make-up on and was carrying my purse over my shoulder with my very female pendant hanging around my neck and a woman's hairband holding back my hair. There was no getting out of this, the gig was up. Not knowing what to say I said "I guess the cat's out of the bag now, huh?" She told me that it was okay and to have fun. I'm not sure if she thinks it's okay or not as I have noticed that today the outside of the building is strangely devoid of children who normally play out there all day long.
So I got in my car and went to pick up my roommate which required waiting in a parking lot. This was probably the most embarrassing moment. These two women three spaces down were talking to each other and then turned their attention to me. I don't know what they were saying because I don't speak Spanish but it was clear they were talking about me. The first one pointed and they began laughing. Then the second one came up to my drivers window, bent down, peered inside and began laughing even harder. At this point I just waved figuring they would leave when confronted but instead the woman who was still in the car with her door open pulled out her smart phone and started trying to take pictures of me. You have to love small towns who have never seen anything "exciting" before. I'm sure I'm still a topic of conversation in their house today.
We stopped at a convenience store on the way home. It was very busy on a Friday night but no one there said anything to me. After the parking lot incident I was certain some customers would harass me. After that I returned home. Less than two hours had passed from the time I left but in that two hours my entire life had changed. I was now out of the closet at least in my personal life. I'm wondering what this will bring my way. Seeing that someone who lives in the complex works with my family members I am sure news will travel to my family who have never accepted my being trans. There is no going back now. Everyone here knows the real me. I'm scared but also happy. At least when I use the complex laundry I will no longer have to worry about people seeing my unmentionables as I put them into the machine.
I wish people were more accepting though. I'm not out to hurt them. I'm not the spawn of Satin either. I'm just someone who got the wrong body.
