Is my wife subconsciously asking me to come out?

[ImagineKate]

So lately my wife has been doing a lot of "girl talk" with me. I have no idea why. We talked about a friend of hers who was trying to conceive and she told me, "I feel really sad for her. Women do that, they feel sad for their friends like that." (we had our own fertility issues which were partially my fault and hers and we met this friend at one of the clinics we went to).

Then somehow today we ended up talking about shaving legs, and how she doesn't have to anymore because it really doesn't grow back. Yeah ok, trigger time

Then the weirdest part is some of the clothes she buys for me lately are bordering on androgynous.

I honestly don't know what to think anymore.  Maybe I'm reading too much into her. But she has a very good read on me. As in she can just look at me and tell exactly what I'm thinking most times.

It drives me insane because I'm bottled up inside but I'm still afraid to come out to her. One day I will have the courage to drop the "T bomb" on her I guess but the last thing I want to do is hurt her. She has been at my side through some of the darkest times we've seen.

[mrs izzy]

Communication.

You need to talk with her and not just assume.

If you can not keep a honest line of communication open you will always be making these kind of posts.

So talk about how you are feeling in a calm manor.

It seems you have support, just take advantage of the fact.

[Shantel]

Communication.

You need to talk with her and not just assume.

If you can not keep a honest line of communication open you will always be making these kind of posts.

So talk about how you are feeling in a calm manor.

It seems you have support, just take advantage of the fact.

Righto!

And don't drop an A bomb in her face like some do, because it's the road to hell and an acrimonious divorce. Do your changes incrementally in stages, incrementalism works well and makes the changes each day, week, month more readily acceptable.

[Jessica Merriman]

Personally I think somehow you are putting off some kind of clue to her and she is trying to say it is OK to talk about it. This is my personal opinion though. It is your wife, talk to her or at least hint back and see what happens. Us girls are devious that way! 

[ImagineKate]

That was my thought. She reads me like a novel. I agree on taking it slow.

[rosinstraya]

My advice is to be a bit careful with possibly assuming she's aware or not. Even though you may feel that she's picked up on your thoughts and hopes, it won't be until you both discuss it that you will really know. Sometimes what we may think are clear signs turn out not to be.

I wish you well.

[Ms Grace]

Many people read a lot into the behaviour of other people around them. Plenty of women really wish they could talk to their partners about that kind of stuff - while it would be nice to think otherwise it isn't necessarily a sign she wants you to be a woman. As others have said, communication is the only way to an understanding of what's going on for her.

[missymay]

My advice is to be a bit careful with possibly assuming she's aware or not. Even though you may feel that she's picked up on your thoughts and hopes, it won't be until you both discuss it that you will really know. Sometimes what we may think are clear signs turn out not to be.

I wish you well.

My thoughts as well.

[ImagineKate]

Many people read a lot into the behaviour of other people around them. Plenty of women really wish they could talk to their partners about that kind of stuff - while it would be nice to think otherwise it isn't necessarily a sign she wants you to be a woman. As others have said, communication is the only way to an understanding of what's going on for her.

Oh I don't think she'd come right out and "want me to be a woman." That would be very wishful thinking... but I'm hoping that eventually when we do discuss it that it doesn't go totally upside down. Then again, it probably will. She appreciates a lot of the male side of me, especially as a dad.

[Eyie]

If you really feel so strong about how you are feeling then you have to tell her and sooner rather than later. Don't get me wrong only you can know the right time but I feel waiting does nothing but upset your wife more especially if she already has some idea that something is bothering you that your not telling her. I can't really be considered that reliable of a source only telling my wife last Friday and still trying to work it all out but I thought it might help to hear from someone close to where you are. One thing that just beginning to come out has already taught me is you will never cease to be surprised. The person you think will accept you no matter what could want nothing to do with you. On the flip side of course the person you feel will just instantly hate you could be nothing like that and accept you more than anyone. As I said I can't really talk only being out to my wife for a few days but even if she still ends up hating me eventually it still means so much to me how she has already been and I love her so much more for it. Have you seen a therapist yet? I don't feel this is a must before telling your wife but it seems to work for most people. My wife was very upset that I went to someone about this before telling her and I knew she would be knowing who she is. I feel like I'm just rambling now but hope that offered at least some kind of help and support.

[Tessa James]

Part of my experience is that we, as a couple, can imagine and even talk about alternative ideas and abstract possibilities.  When some of these ideas actually become part of our identity or wardrobe, well, then we get to define more of our real life comfort level.   Talk and exploration are vital building blocks but no guarantee of what we can handle in real life situations.  While science fiction is fascinating to imagine we can put that book back on the shelf and forget about it.  Disclosures about our core identity carry weight and significance that we are well advised to be careful with. 

Having tried the carpet bombing and one to one disclosure methods it seems prudent to dip your toes in the cold, clear waters of reality and think about it overnight.  Having a partner that can read your mind is at once lovingly beautiful and disturbingly naked to me?   How vulnerable can you be?

[mac1]

So lately my wife has been doing a lot of "girl talk" with me. I have no idea why. We talked about a friend of hers who was trying to conceive and she told me, "I feel really sad for her. Women do that, they feel sad for their friends like that." (we had our own fertility issues which were partially my fault and hers and we met this friend at one of the clinics we went to).

Then somehow today we ended up talking about shaving legs, and how she doesn't have to anymore because it really doesn't grow back. Yeah ok, trigger time

Then the weirdest part is some of the clothes she buys for me lately are bordering on androgynous.

I honestly don't know what to think anymore.  Maybe I'm reading too much into her. But she has a very good read on me. As in she can just look at me and tell exactly what I'm thinking most times.

It drives me insane because I'm bottled up inside but I'm still afraid to come out to her. One day I will have the courage to drop the "T bomb" on her I guess but the last thing I want to do is hurt her. She has been at my side through some of the darkest times we've seen.

I wish that my wife would suggest some feminine clothing and behavior for me. I will gladly accept and act on her suggestions no matter what they might be.

[Shantel]

I†'s taken my spouse some time to adjust to the changes in my physiology and initially she was extremely prudish and was always insisting that I keep my men's shirts buttoned up and was terrified that something unseemly would be seen by others. Over a period of time she began to loosen up and acceded to the fact that it is what it is and it isn't going to go away. I bought some female tops and she decided that I had good taste and that they looked good on me. Eventually I needed a bra and I bought a few, she thought it was fine and turned me on to some she thought would be even better for my particular body type. I had reverted sometime back to a Gi Joe buzz haircut for a length of time to humor her, eventually she conceded that it looked awful and was no longer fitting, so I've grown my hair out to collar length so far and it's getting a bit longer. My stylist is working with me on that. I can wear anything I want now and cleavage is no longer an issue for her. It just takes an awful lot of calm patience and conversation to sway a spouse's thinking. They need to know that you aren't going anywhere, but that you are bringing her onboard as a loving spouse, lifelong partner and best friend. Eventually it becomes fun shopping together in the women's departments. My spouse loves being with me now more than ever and I feel that my patient endurance has paid off.