why do i feel disguested by my penis?

[ellysant]

I don't feel disgusted by my penis.  It works and does its thing, but it's not right.  It's not what I should have.  With it, I can possibly get something that would work for me and make me feel more like me....

[ImagineKate]

I never really felt disgusted by it. But I've never been thrilled with it either.

I never really had much of a sex drive either. Sex is/was a chore for me.

[Jess42]

That's the weird thing. Having sex with a vagina, with my husband is natural (just imagining). But if its my penis, the thought is utterly disgusting. Castration wouldn't do it for me, I need the whole thing taken off.

Yeah but there is a lot of difference between fantasy and fact. Fantasy would be you having a vagina and having sex with your husband. Fact is that you really need to see a gender therapist and the then take the appropriate steps to transition if that is your goal. Another fact, you are definitely gonna' need it if you are thinking GRS down the road. So it can be a useful thing to have.

[Jaz650]

Yeah but there is a lot of difference between fantasy and fact. Fantasy would be you having a vagina and having sex with your husband. Fact is that you really need to see a gender therapist and the then take the appropriate steps to transition if that is your goal. Another fact, you are definitely gonna' need it if you are thinking GRS down the road. So it can be a useful thing to have.

I am having SRS in February. I've been on hormones for eight years. I've been living stealth and full time since I was fourteen. My point was that even the thought of using my penis is disgusting! I'm even attracted to FTMs. Ugh I feel like puking just thinking about it! I think I'm traumatized by my penis.

[victoria n]

 I hate to tell you there are some genetic women  disgusted by their vaginas
I hate to tell you there are some trans women who are disgusted with their neo vaginas.
why so disgusted is it deformed, do you have female chromosomes
Why go on a rant if you want SRS go ahead.
if you want to mutilate your penis because you feel so disgusted by it
the doctors will be more than glad to do it for you.
And as a bonus you will have to pay for it unless you have insurance.
that covers SRS.
Disgust is generated in the mind and is not really a physical problem unless
you are physically deformed. male genitals are not a deformity 

[Rachel]

Victoria n, I do not know your background but the OP is expressing her dysphonia and how it related to her. Male genitals on a female is a deformity, especially if she suffers from dysphoria over them.

[Rachel]

I have disgust over my gonads. They should not be there.

My penis is small and I damaged it when I was young. I would squeezed it so hard that I damaged the shaft tissue. The scar tissue acts as a band. I would rupture the scar tissue too.  If it gets erect there is a lot of pain. 

[Jaz650]

I hate to tell you there are some genetic women  disgusted by their vaginas
I hate to tell you there are some trans women who are disgusted with their neo vaginas.
why so disgusted is it deformed, do you have female chromosomes
Why go on a rant if you want SRS go ahead.
if you want to mutilate your penis because you feel so disgusted by it
the doctors will be more than glad to do it for you.
And as a bonus you will have to pay for it unless you have insurance.
that covers SRS.
Disgust is generated in the mind and is not really a physical problem unless
you are physically deformed. male genitals are not a deformity

Being Catholic I hear the word mutilation a lot, in regards to SRS. Maybe it is mutilation, but to me it is very much a medical necessity. Do you know how it feels to fear if today is the day my hormones are not going to work? I cannot be a man, because I am a woman. So yes it is deformity to have a girl heart and a boy body. And
SRS is very much medically necessary.

[FrancisAnn]

I guess that any woman would be disgusted to have strange things hanging between her legs. I've asked several women friends how they feel about their bodies & most all say that I do not see how you could stand something so strange between your legs, get rid of it GF!! For myself this thing has always just been something in the way & looked strange & wrong. It's only use will be to make a nice vagina I hope. That would be such a nice day for me. I enjoy men & life would be so much nicer to have a normal body. So to me it seems perfectly normal to be disgusted with this thing attached to our bodies.

[LizMarie]

Because you are not like them, so just accept this fact. Nothing wrong with it at all. I look at mine as an organ donor for a new vajaja.

OMG, Jessica! You have me dying of laughter here!

Being Catholic I hear the word mutilation a lot, in regards to SRS. Maybe it is mutilation, but to me it is very much a medical necessity. Do you know how it feels to fear if today is the day my hormones are not going to work? I cannot be a man, because I am a woman. So yes it is deformity to have a girl heart and a boy body. And
SRS is very much medically necessary.

That comes from the "God doesn't make mistakes" BS line from the church. Ask them about cleft palates and club feet. Should we fix those with surgery? How about defective hearts? Other birth defects? This is just one more. It doesn't look like it because they cannot see inside our brains, where we have female structures inside a male body.

I've never felt physically ill at the sight of my penis, as some have described.  But it's just not me.  Even when I was in denial about being transgender, I still always wished I had a vagina.  Part of what made me realize that I really am trans was realizing that most guys never think that...in fact they're quite obsessed with their penis.

Worse, have you ever seen "normal" males react if you discuss GCS in any detail? It's rather amusing.

[Jaz650]

OMG, Jessica! You have me dying of laughter here!


That comes from the "God doesn't make mistakes" BS line from the church. Ask them about cleft palates and club feet. Should we fix those with surgery? How about defective hearts? Other birth defects? This is just one more. It doesn't look like it because they cannot see inside our brains, where we have female structures inside a male body.

True, but it goes beyond that. They say we are mutilating a healthy body. They also believe we need psychotherapy and not surgery. Although, I have many understanding Catholic priest friends.

[Jess42]

I am having SRS in February. I've been on hormones for eight years. I've been living stealth and full time since I was fourteen. My point was that even the thought of using my penis is disgusting! I'm even attracted to FTMs. Ugh I feel like puking just thinking about it! I think I'm traumatized by my penis.

Well, just hold on Jaz. It will all change in 6 mos.

Being Catholic I hear the word mutilation a lot, in regards to SRS. Maybe it is mutilation, but to me it is very much a medical necessity. Do you know how it feels to fear if today is the day my hormones are not going to work? I cannot be a man, because I am a woman. So yes it is deformity to have a girl heart and a boy body. And
SRS is very much medically necessary.

That could be a big part of your disgust in you penis too. Yeah, if you grew up in a church and heard it called mutilation before then yeah, I very much understand your disgust in it. And no, it is not mutilation, It is corrective surgery or maybe you could even consider it cosmetic surgery. 😉 How many people that are calling SRS mutilation have liposuction, nose jobs, face lifts and so on? 😛 Would that not be mutilation too? SRS isn't mutilation. If it was, doctors wouldn't perform the surgery. So corrective or cosmetic surgery, it's done to bring the body more in line with the mind. Face lifts, liposuction and nose jobs, what is that for? Someone that has an ugly nose, it can cause dyphoria. Someone is obese, it can cause dyphoria. Someone looks too old, it can cause dysphoria. So... Just saying if you ever need any stones to throw back. 😉

[Jaz650]

Well, just hold on Jaz. It will all change in 6 mos.

That could be a big part of your disgust in you penis too. Yeah, if you grew up in a church and heard it called mutilation before then yeah, I very much understand your disgust in it. And no, it is not mutilation, It is corrective surgery or maybe you could even consider it cosmetic surgery. 😉 How many people that are calling SRS mutilation have liposuction, nose jobs, face lifts and so on? 😛 Would that not be mutilation too? SRS isn't mutilation. If it was, doctors wouldn't perform the surgery. So corrective or cosmetic surgery, it's done to bring the body more in line with the mind. Face lifts, liposuction and nose jobs, what is that for? Someone that has an ugly nose, it can cause dyphoria. Someone is obese, it can cause dyphoria. Someone looks too old, it can cause dysphoria. So... Just saying if you ever need any stones to throw back.
[/quote/

thank you I like the idea of corrective surgery. 🙂

[Jess42]

Well really that is all it is. Like I said, I gave you plenty of stones to throw back when people talk about "mutilation" and SRS surgery. We do it because we have severe mental problems caused by not having a body that matches the mind or Psyche or Soul or Spirit. Fortunately we can change the body and short of brainwashing, which I don't think would even work, we can't change the Psyche. Sometimes it is the only way that we can survive. Usually when people get the cosmetic surgery, a lot of it is for reasons of vanity. Like I said Jaz, you got plenty of stones to throw. Actually if you want to look at it like this, with the level of dysphoria that you are experiencing, this is just as much a life saving procedure as a triple bypass and not even corrective surgery. I won't go into all of that but to you it may indeed save your life if it disgusts you that bad. So to you and others it is just as much a life saving procedure as open heart surgery.

6 mos. Jaz. Just keep that in mind.

[Allyda]

Since I can only go by how I feel here, I know my genital dysphoria is crippling at times to an extent I just fall to my knees and cry. At least 3 to 4 times per day I fight the urge to get out my trusty fillet knife and perform surgery on myself. The only thing that stops me is remembering my ex SO's voice in my head explaining to me how they need the tissue down there to create my vagina but that is very little comfort. It's constantly haunting me every day. So I know how some of you feel.

Thankfully though, I'm having my SRS this December which is all I hold onto with everything emotionally I can muster to get through til it passes. Then I brace myself for next time. I wish I were stronger mentally like many of you here. But I am who I am. My nightmare will be over soon.

Ali

[Jaz650]

Since I can only go by how I feel here, I know my genital dysphoria is crippling at times to an extent I just fall to my knees and cry. Thankfully though, I'm having my SRS this December which is all I hold onto with everything emotionally I can muster to get through til it passes. Then I brace myself for next time. I wish I were stronger mentally like many of you here. But I am who I am. My nightmare will be over soon.

Ali

Allyda you are strong! That's why you are being true to yourself. Congratulations on your SRS date. Hope all goes well. God bless you!

[awilliams1701]

I think its disgusting and I hate it, but not to the point of nausea. Since I started tucking most of the time I don't even know its there unless I get aroused. My brain can't comprehend why arousal would make my "vagina" hurt.

[Allyda]

Allyda you are strong! That's why you are being true to yourself. Congratulations on your SRS date. Hope all goes well. God bless you!

Thanks Jaz, congrat's on your surgery date as well. It seems both of us will be whole soon. And that is happy happy news that's comforting me a little.

Ali

[ImagineKate]

The biggest part of my dysphoria really isn't really due to my penis. Yeah, I would rather have a vagina instead but it's just not the overwhelming factor in why I have dysphoria.

If I go "all the way" and have SRS I am a bit scared of the maintenance and after care. Realizing that I have to dilate every day otherwise I run the risk of becoming seriously ill scares me. I am hoping by the time I'm ready they have something to fix that problem but I doubt it.

Anyway, most of my dysphoria actually is from the complete package and not just one part.

[Jaz650]

The biggest part of my dysphoria really isn't really due to my penis. Yeah, I would rather have a vagina instead but it's just not the overwhelming factor in why I have dysphoria.

If I go "all the way" and have SRS I am a bit scared of the maintenance and after care. Realizing that I have to dilate every day otherwise I run the risk of becoming seriously ill scares me. I am hoping by the time I'm ready they have something to fix that problem but I doubt it.

Anyway, most of my dysphoria actually is from the complete package and not just one part.

well the reason I really dislike it, is that I can detransition at anytime. That's really scary. Also it's just nasty.