What your children call you

[Asniceasme]

This question is more for those on here who have or had young children when you started to transition.

In a normal sense, there is a mother and a father. When your children came into this world, you were recognised as their father. As they started to talk, they would call you "Daddy".

After you started to transition, did they still call you "Daddy"? Or, if your child wasn't at the age of talking when you started to transition, what did you get them to call you?

[Sammy]

I asked my 3 y.o. daughter to call me Emy instead of "daddy" - at first she was quite stubborn and hesitant, saying that Emy is not my name and I am "___" instead but lately I noticed her using Emy from time to time. I have no issues being her "dad" but the difficulty is that when we are together, people often perceive and adress me as her mother. So being suddenly called out as "dad" would be quite.. awkward.

[Sarah leah]

This is a difficult one as my children are 8 and 9 years old. I explained part of the idea of transitioning to them and they agreed if I go ahead that dad at home is fine, but outside it will be mum. Although I have not really pushed it so I am sure it will be fun when I go on HRT in December...

[LordKAT]

My children were a bit older and have dads of their own. I don't think the idea of having 2 dads would sit well so I 'allow' them to call me by my first name. Some parents think it is disrespectful. I have told them that my children choose to not disrespect their bio dad and calling both parents dad was confusing. Most then assume I have adopted them, but that is OK. I raised them and their dads were no where to be found. Death has a way of doing that.

You can ask them to call you dad, but as it is used in another language or such. If they call their other dad 'Dad', maybe they can call you Pop or something like it. Young children seriously believe that the title of Dad is your actual name and until they get older, it is.

[suzifrommd]

This question is more for those on here who have or had young children when you started to transition.

In a normal sense, there is a mother and a father. When your children came into this world, you were recognised as their father. As they started to talk, they would call you "Daddy".

After you started to transition, did they still call you "Daddy"? Or, if your child wasn't at the age of talking when you started to transition, what did you get them to call you?

This has been an issue for us. I asked them not to call me Dad (especially in public), but we couldn't come up with a suitable replacement that everyone was comfortable with.

The English language desperately needs a word that means "the female parent that is not the mother."

[Tessa James]

The English language desperately needs a word that means "the female parent that is not the mother."

Now that is a sociological development to encourage.  My adult kids still call me Dad and my grandkids call me Tessa.  I like that they don't seem to worry about what other people think and are more often exposed to other "blended" families these days.  It is a changing world!

[Emjay]

My son is in his late teens but has taken to calling me "mom"...  I think it freaked me out at first more than him to be honest.  Growing up,a lot of the time, I was his mom and dad.  He didn't know about me at the time but his biological mother and he didn't get along and she was absent a lot of the time.  Maybe that's where it comes from for him. 

We've had conversations where I'll tell him, this is ok but you realize I'll always be your dad right?  He knows but I think he prefers mom....  I do too honestly. 

[Sarah leah]

Well tonight I was speaking to my nine year old daughter about the movie we had just watched and somehow the talk went to old photos. I pardoned myself to go to the bathroom, and upon returning I found her looking at some on my laptop. One of which was me in girl mode. I nearly dead on the spot. She asked is that granny when she was young!


This is the one she found

I was going to say yes, then I decided to say no it's me silly. She said nothing for a while then said so is that what you would look like if you changed right.. hmm I see!

So before saying anything further it is important to know that for a few years now I have been slowly explaining to my two children aged now nine (girl) and boy (ten) that when I was born my body and mind did not match. I have full custody of the so it's been easy to drop hints as time has gone on. However this was the first time she had seen anything and my son has never seen anything but is supportive of the fact daddy has a genetic error that is changing how he looks.
He is at a friends for the night so it was just us two in the house and we spoke about it further. She asked if I could show her what I look like please. So I did. She was unreal about it and said you look pretty but daddy that beard has to go....  Then she went through the clothing I own and told me what to wear to look like other mums.

I am in shock now as to what she will say at school but also she said I will not tell anyone because I know you will be sad if they know before you are ready! I guess kids are just that accepting and it was cute that she picked the stuff out without a second thought then after just went on the computer and was laughing at cartoons on it as if nothing had happened.

[KatelynBG]

I just finished reading Jenny Boylan's memoir She's Not There, A Life in 2 Genders and her family came up with Maddy instead of Daddy. I thought it was quite creative. She has 2 sons and is still married to the mother. This is an actual anxiety for me as I begin trying to figure out a transition.

[iKate]

This is the toughest part of my transition.

My 4-y.o. kids still call me daddy. In public. Loudly. It gets attention. I hate it. (It won't stop me from transitioning, though.) It's so bad that even their summer camp teachers are calling me "their daddy" but I'm yet to hear them use a male pronoun (I will correct them though). I go in full girl mode, from work, with a dress/skirt, makeup etc. And my voice doesn't have a hint of "male" in it now at all.

Their mom insists that they still call me "daddy" and that "he's still their father." It's petty revenge for me doing this, I guess?

I still have no idea what they should call me.

[Sammy]

I still have no idea what they should call me.

Did You think about some neutral sounding nickname which would be easy for them to pick up?

[iKate]

Did You think about some neutral sounding nickname which would be easy for them to pick up?

I've tried.

My wife is the biggest obstacle. It's like she doesn't want them to stop calling me daddy and every time I hear it I die a little.

[Joi]

My children (3) are in their early 30's.  I haven't forced the issue with them.  A couple of them likely don't even know my new name.  As this is still quite new for them, I'm good with whatever they call me as long as they don't refer to me as their banker.   I have 5 granddaughters between the ages of 1 & 7 & 1 grand son just a yr. old too.  They  refer to me as "Papa" (at least those that can talk).  I have been experimenting with the little ones using the term "Moppa" which was popularized by the lead character in the Amazon series "Transparent."  Only time will tell how all of this turns out.

[Dena]

I've tried.

My wife is the biggest obstacle. It's like she doesn't want them to stop calling me daddy and every time I hear it I die a little.

I am trying to think of a way of keeping the children out of the argument and the best idea I can come up with is to figure out a masculine  version of your wife's and and call her by it. If that's not possible, just start calling her Joe or something like that to her face. Maybe after a few times she might get the message and help you.

[iKate]

I am trying to think of a way of keeping the children out of the argument and the best idea I can come up with is to figure out a masculine  version of your wife's and and call her by it. If that's not possible, just start calling her Joe or something like that to her face. Maybe after a few times she might get the message and help you.

Sigh

As fun as that sounds I really want to be nice because any pending divorce I really don't want to lose custody more than I already am

Those kids are my world, she clearly knows that and is using them.

So I have to bide my time.

However she tends to get angry when they call her daddy...

[Starfire]

My 4 and 3 year old have been calling me ma-pa just about exclusively now and occasionally mama (which I love) but they do still confuse the pronouns.

I am in the middle of a contentious divorce, though it's been slowly getting better, and their mom and her conservative family are very much against everything I am doing.  I went ahead on my own and started the process with the kids to choose a new name, etc.  Afterwards, I explained to their mom that it can be a safety issue when they are in the women's restroom with me and are very loudly calling and referring to me as daddy.  I think she has accepted it now, or maybe didn't have much choice since the kids accept and have been using the new name.

Good luck iKate, I hope things work out favorably.

[warlockmaker]

I have children that are 30, 26, 13 and 3 1/2. They live in the USA, Thailand, Hong Kong and Singapore. I had a discussion with their respected mothers for those under 18 and personally discussed with those over 18. Those over 18 have strongly stated that they will always love and see me as their dad and continue to call me dad. The mothers of the younger ones also feel that dad is appropriate.  I don't  mind what they call me, it's  the love we have for each other -  is all that matters.

[Lady Smith]

My children are now grown up adults, my daughter calls me 'Mum' and my son calls me 'Anne'.  When my son was small he would sometimes call me 'Daddy' in public places which was a wee bit embarrassing, but when he was a little older he started calling me 'Anne' which was fine by me.

[KittyKat]

My son's turning 3 soon. I've tried to get him to call me Mommy but he gets mad and points at me and says "No, Daddy." Me and my wife are separated and she's very against him calling me anything female, the only version of a Father's term I let her use though is Daddy. Anything else I'm not comfortable with, I told her if she's going to use one of those terms Daddy is the most feminine sounding at least. I do get kind of embarrassed in public though and I have my son 5 days of the week right now.

[KristinaM]

My daughter will be coming into this world at some point in the next 5-6 weeks!  I still have plenty of time, but I've been trying to come up with ideas so I can start ingraining them in her.  I think I might go with Bibi. (Bee Bee).