I just hate being a man...

[Auroramarianna]

I hate hate hate hate being a man.

I hate my masculine features. I hate not having a female curvaceous body. I hate hate hate my muscles. I don't want to live a lie. But my family thinks I can live it for them, and I just can't. I have expressed in every way that are ust certain things I can't change. I won't ever want to be muscly, but I'm still on Karate because they want me to. Hopefully I'll be giving up and just join a reading club or theather, somewhere more accepting. IDK I just feel so lonely. People generally don't accept me as a guy already, and they can spot my femininity by far because of my voice and manneirisms/face, so yeah, it's hard. I want to join somewhere I can meet LGBT people I can identify with. I want to break free. I want to leave this country.

I don't have the confidence to walk alone and just grab feminine items and accessories. I have two friends. Many more acquaintances, but only two true friends. And they don't know. I am really afraid. I am afraid of becoming really lonely.

But the question I ask myself is: is it worth living a lie surrounded by people or live a genuine but lonely life? Or maybe it's not so black or white. I don't know. I honestly find either option reallyyy difficult.

[CrissyMarie]

*Comforts* I know Hun how hard it can be to show the true you on the inside.  Masculinity, muscles and appearance for those of us, who don't identify as males, hurt us so much emotionally.  "Dig deep within yourself and say I've had enough..no more will I live a lie, no more will I live for everyone else around me.  I am a woman, and I choose my own happiness over everyone else."  Nobody will truly understand us, or how we feel.  Once you have come to terms and are ready to commit to the process of transition, the better you will feel.  Look up a therapist for gender dysphoria, and let them know you feel you are trans and are ready to begin your life as who you are, a woman.  I have faith in you girl.  We all have faith in you.  From one sister to another, I say be strong, be proud, and show the world who you are.  "Confidence, and knowledge are powerful motivational traits" - Christina

[janetcgtv]

Aurora:

You are not alone in your feelings. There are many here who have the same emotions. Because of society's attitude you can think of many other ways to overcome society's judgement.

You can be a cop. The felon you are chasing shoots you in the groin area and destroys everything there. While in the Emergency Room the doctor asks you if you want to live, but he also says that the only way you can live is to be a woman.
Publicly you tell the the doctor "Oh Crap and I want to live"
Privately you are dancing with joy !!!

Please DO NOT attempt this in reality as other more serious things could happen.

The main thing is to see a therapist to help you sort out your emotions with you and other LGBT
people can help you out

[Auroramarianna]

Thanks girls

[Ms Grace]

Aurora, you aren't a man. You are a woman. The issue is the body you were born into. I know it seems like a pedantic distinction but I think it's worth splitting hairs.

It is often a source of deep unresolved grief for many trans people that they were not born into the right body. Hating on our bodies and ourselves is wasted energy. It accomplishes nothing except to make us feel even worse about our existence. Besides, hating ourself doesn't change the fact of what it is.

The attitude and behaviour of many cis people towards us doesn't make it any easier. Many of them hate us because they can't accept us, and I find it sad that many trans people hate themselves too. It's like we pile more misery onto the hatred already being directed our way.

When I was younger I absolutely loathed my male body, so I understand where you are coming from. However all the time I spent hating myself achieved nothing except to make me more depressed. I have since found that accepting myself for who I am, for loving who I am as a person not as a socially applied gender, has made me feel more positive, happier and more hopeful about my transition than the self hate parties could. It has allowed me to approach my transition from the point of view not that I am "hatefully destroying my maleness" but rather that I am "lovingly creating my feminine self".

[TashaEve]

Aurora,

Your post struck a deep chord with me. I hope everything is ok.

Dig down, ask yourself the big question.

[crowcrow223]

I pretty much understand how you feel. Remember, better times will come, just keep your chin up, get on HRT, progress with your transition and live your life as you want

As for friends and family, if they don't accept you for who you are, it is in my opinion better to distance yourself from people who will be constantly hurting you and causing dysphoria. Good luck!