My sis's wedding, and lies/drama, I'm tired of this bs!

[Shana-chan]

Warning, turn ye faint of heart, curiosity killed the cat. If you are not strong of heart, turn back or risk getting in a depressed state and if should you remember this post, keep in mind, in a dark time in your life, you may remember this and believe what I foolishly and sadly am beginning to believe more and more and thus decide to foolishly end your life. So turn back and should you continue, best of luck to you! You have been warned...

Today my "Dad" (Ok, let's be honest 1/10th of a "Dad" because that's all he ever is to me most of the time is 1 tenth of a ten an actual "Dad") tells me my sis told him that she wants me there at her wedding but as a male (+insert damned birth name) when in fact my sis told me otherwise and now my "Dad" is claiming otherwise and saying she told him this and I must have misunderstood because HE sure didn't. I tried to get 2 more things in because it NEEDED to be said and he goes into his conversation dropped again where literally he says, no more, don't ever bring this up again and the moment I TRY to finish what I wanted to say, he ALWAYS drops the call by RUDELY hanging up. (If I pursue this through email he will delete it, if call back, he'll hang up, not pick up and if worse comes to worse, block me if he doesn't call the police on me and yes I know he'll do that ->-bleeped-<-!) I even went as far as to say fine, just let me say these last two things and you'll never hear a word about it from me ever again. But instead he hung up. (Well, I'll be bringing it up again then you jerk!)

I call my sis afterward because I was upset, hurt and needed to talk to her and let her know where I stand. (I almost had my 3rd major depression/anxiety attack in 36 hrs) she answered but she could only listen for a few mins before telling me she'll call me back because she's getting on the bus. I wait, she calls, she explains she's in an area where she can't afford to get lost so she has to pay attention and says she'll call me later tonight. I hang up on her because here you have your sister hurting, crying, upset etc. and you DARE to brush me off like that? I am NOT stupid! I know full well you aren't at work right now and that there was no reason why you couldn't call me back soon after getting off of the bus, and if it's a long bus ride then no reason why you couldn't listen to me! Needless to say I am very hurt and honestly, it added insult to a bloody fresh open wound because "family" and online "friends" haven't really been checking up on me when they are FULL AWARE of my circumstances. (Actually, they don't know the half of it but that much is bad enough to know) So this FURTHER made me feel like none cared and I break down crying even more for a good 10 mins I'd say. Oh, incase you didn't know, my "Dad" is paying for my sis's wedding thus HE gets to say whether I can or can't come as me, myself, Shana-chan a girl! Even though this is my sis's wedding it might as well be his dammit!

I am tired of this, I grew up with being lied to, having people make each other out to be the villain, and I am just sick to DEATH of having to go through this ->-bleeped-<-! I am to the point where, I am willing to cut bonds/ties and say bye even if it literally lands me on the f'n street. Hell, I might as WELL be dead because this sure as hell ain't my life!  (No, when I'm sane and able to think logically I don't wish to die but, I am not in the best state of mind at times..)

No one understands! No one truly cares and those that say they do, well, wait till YOU are in a situation like the one I'm in and you try and get help only to find terms/conditions/contracts or no help if there even IS any help at all!! Family! BAH! Friends, HAHA, ridiculous! such a freaking waste of time for those who only partially care if they even do and even then, it's only to the you that THEY have known you as and not to the REAL you!

[suzifrommd]

Hugs. That's awful. They may be your family, but they don't seem to care a lot about how you feel.

OTOH, the drama that surrounds weddings is nearly universal. I don't know any family that's had a drama-free wedding. So there was bound to be lightning, and, as the family black sheep, I suppose you became the lightning rod.

Hang in there. If they won't accept you as you are, they aren't worthy of your attention and time.

[Taka]

i'm still going to ask you to go to that wedding, fully prepared to change clothes at the last minute before the ceremony starts.
at least give your dad that sting before cutting ties.

you've talked about an injury. if you need help while recovering, and your dad is the only one who's willing to help you at all (though on conditions), just give in to him. do as he says, but express your displeasure when he can't get away from the conversation.

family are people too, and people are often hateful bigots. bigots don't know unconditional love, so you can't expect it from them. the world is sad like that, but it's worth doing what is necessary to stay alive until you don't have to rely on others anymore. after that, you can do whatever you want.

you can do whatever you want now as well, but that will have other consequences. you'll have to weight what's more important for you right now, and choose accordingly. it's too late to regret after the choice is made, so at least choose your road ahead in a responsible manner, remembering what kind of people your family and neighbors are and not hoping for them to become any better.

i'm sorry about your situation though. i know it's no fun when family behave like that. i'll have to be prepared to move out before i can start transitioning, because of how my own parents are.

[goldphantom]

Its sad really. It feels like the people who really want to help are powerless to do anything about it. I'm sorry for what your going through.

[Brenda E]

Yeah, weddings are always dramafests, even when nobody's trans.  But I do like an open bar...

Two points, then I'll shut up:

1.  If your sister wants you at the wedding, then she needs to take control of the situation and make sure you and your dad are on the same page.  Call her at a more appropriate time when everyone's calm and focused.  This is a discussion she should be having with your dad and you at the same time.  Her wedding, her responsibility.  You shouldn't be playing go-between in this.  She should - in theory - be able to control things, regardless of who is paying.

2.  It's also her big day, so keep a low profile, don't do anything to disrupt things, no fighting with your dad or her at the church or reception, etc.  If she wants you there in male presentation, then go in male presentation or send your apologies and don't attend.  Showing up in female presentation and trashing her wedding would be an unforgivable mistake, despite it being the "right" thing to do.  This is not a battle you want to pick.  You could make a far bigger impression, and be the more mature person, by politely declining to attend.

[Taka]

being mature... isn't fun. but maybe a better thing to do.
i never saw drama at any wedding, so i might be completely wrong about how these things work in other places.

if going in female clothing, at least make sure your sister agrees, yeah, i see some wisdom in that.
but by the way this family is being described, this seems sadly unlikely to happen now. some parents will emotionally and verbally abuse their children, chaining them down so bad that only the strongest would be able to break free from the control that is exercised. i'm afraid some of that might be happening in shana's family, people who lie and blame others for everything instead of taking responsibility for their own actions, often have unresolved issues from their pastand are likely to be or become emotional abusers.