being outed in inconvenient circumstances

[Felix]

I don't necessarily need any advice on this, but I'm so angry I need to rant. My roommate is really intense. He's been out of town for work for most of a month, and I forgot how hard it can be to live with other adults. My roommate is unstable whether he drinks or not, but tonight I believe he has had too much to drink, and he's been ranting about stuff since he got home. I didn't want his feelings to keep my kid awake, so I led him outside. He's been talking loudly on the porch about my transition, and about my daughter, and just generally spelling out things I don't usually tell strangers. I'm not exactly stealth, but I'm not out to my neighbors because I'm not close with any of them and because at least one of them is an unstable redneck who owns a lot of guns and tends to use them unpredictably.

I failed to keep him from disturbing my kid, and he just took off with an armful of wineglasses to visit with the drinky hipsters next door, and he's angry. He kept trying to argue about various things, and I told him that his intensity is our only conflict. He seems to be spinning feuds and misunderstandings out of thin air. I don't know how to make him happy or make him not be disruptive. He was confused about certain specifics regarding my interactions with the government, and I was foolishly confrontational about his apparent naivete. I don't think he has ever paid taxes, and I know he has no health insurance. He's so proud of not having the diagnoses or the dependence I have, but he acts like a lunatic and depends on his parents. I hate how I'm always seen as the messed-up one just because I seek help and I don't have a loving family to keep my problems secret.

I feel like every time I start to think life is okay, unnecessary drama intervenes.

Tomorrow we have a meeting where I need to fight for my daughter's ability to remain in school. The school says she can't attend without a one-on-one aide, and the district says they won't pay for that, and I don't want to be forced into homeschooling. Her going to school (or my staying up late) is the only way I ever get to rest. I don't want to go into that meeting sketched out or underslept. I feel like I'm not even human, just a golem built out of resentment and adrenaline. I don't have the emotional tools to be okay with this situation. I would do anything to be okay. I don't even need to be happy. I just want life to stop being so hard. I'm getting tired.

[Jessica Merriman]

 

I am so sorry you have to live like this. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I hope some way it gets better, but until then protect yourself and your child as best you can. Again, I am so sorry this is happening. 

[Felix]

thank you.

My roommate is still gone, and the neighbors are on the back porch screaming and smoking weed and having fun partying like they always do, so I have no idea if there will be fallout or not. Hopefully I'm fretting over nothing, but I can't calm down until things get quiet.

[LordKAT]

First, you can't make your roommate, feel or do anything. You can only control how you feel and what you do.

second, you may find that your insurance will help pick up the tab for an aid. My sister did the aid thing for a few years and got paid by the insurance company. It was funny having my 50 year old sister talk about going to third grade.

[suzifrommd]

Hugs Felix. The housing situation seems harrowing.

As for your daughter, she has a RIGHT to be in school. It's guaranteed by law. Kudos to you for standing up for her rights.

[Ms Grace]

Hugs, Felix.

Time for a new house mate?

[Felix]

First, you can't make your roommate, feel or do anything. You can only control how you feel and what you do.

second, you may find that your insurance will help pick up the tab for an aid. My sister did the aid thing for a few years and got paid by the insurance company. It was funny having my 50 year old sister talk about going to third grade.

We've had an aide for part of the last school year, and before that the district paid for her to go to a day treatment school. The problem is that they tend to keep mum about any and all services until I loudly demand them, and when I call with questions they transfer me around to various people and give vague answers. We have team meetings that they rarely send representatives to, and they hold IEP meetings for writing or revision behind my back. When they do authorize something, they expect it to be a short-term crisis authorization and then when she doesn't get better or develop the skills they insist she'll gain, they react punitively. They ratchet up the expectations and then blame her for staying the same.

The insurance is willing to pay for a lot, and they've been really creative with figuring out ways to help my daughter, but they won't pay for help with anything academic. Their belief is that the public school district has that responsibility. I look forward to her being an adult so we can stop all this conflict and churn and get her into some scheduled daytime social activities. All this bureaucracy and grownup problems is just hurting her unnecessarily.

My roommate is just a jerk.

Thanks for your answers.

[LordKAT]

Big bummer. Sounds like you have as much hassle getting your daughter the help she needs as you do from your daughter herself. I give you a lot of credit for dealing with so much and not being bald from all the hair pulling.