People Just Don't Get It: A Fun Story

[nikkie]

My job requires me to deal with a lot of different kinds of people. I love it because each situation is different. Since I like my job so much I figured it would be fun to share a story that keeps happening over and over.

I am not out at work. I pass as male with no problem. I'm not on t yet. My coworkers are pretty cool people. At work people call me by my nickname and rarely call me by my birth name, again I'm not out but people have always called me by my nickname. They don't know my chosen name yet. I'm totally cool with my nickname since the people at work came up with it in the first place. It just fit my personality better, this is what they have said to me.
Since my nickname is gender neutral, people get very confused when my coworkers use female pronouns when referring to me.

Situation 1:
Customer sees me and thinks I'm a guy.
Coworker uses nickname and female pronouns.
Customer continues to refer to me as male.
YES!

Situation 2:
Customer sees me and thinks I'm a guy.
Coworker uses birth name (very girly name) and uses female pronouns when talking about me.
Customer continues to refer to me as male.
YES!

Situation 3:
Customer sees me and thinks I'm a guy.
Coworker uses nickname and uses female pronouns.
Customer laughs at coworker because even though I sounded like a girl over the phone, they make a point to correct the coworker letting them know I'm a guy.
I end up looking at the coworker and telling them in another language to just go with it.
Coworker and I laugh when customer leaves.
YES!

It's all good right now. I'm not out at work so I can't get mad or be upset. I pass pretty well for pre-t. My coworkers and I have each had a one on one conversation about this topic, being misgendered and I tell them, it's okay if people say I'm male, just go with it. They are always telling me that it's cool that I'm okay with it.

I have had pretty bad dysphoria in the past, especially when someone would just come right up to me and ask me if I was a boy or a girl. When situations like these happen, I feel better about myself because even though customers are constantly being corrected by my coworkers, people see what they see and you can't convince them otherwise.

According to my GT, I pass.
According to my Endo nurse, I pass.
I still feel like I don't pass and yet people still see me as male and still see me as male after I have interacted with them even if they have been corrected.

I'm still shocked everytime I get sired or maned or dude, or broed. It's like a feeling a relief, but I still panic.

[Felix]

Sounds like you have some pretty good experiences sometimes.

Some of my biggest problems with dysphoria used to be when I would be read as male and then the person would be "corrected," or when I would get asked straight up if I was a girl or a boy. Those times were usually harder than when I was seen as female to begin with, because I couldn't just put it out of my head.

I'm glad that your coworkers are chill about it and that you can speak to them somewhat privately even in the presence of customers.

[lilthumper]

Like you the worst experience that I ever have is when someone asks me what I am.  Seriously, no matter how well intentioned that they might be it is still an insult to me.  I'm glad your having lots of good experiences dude!  It always  makes us feel better when we are taken as the boys that we are!!

[aleon515]

Fun! When other people look at whoever misgendered you as if THEY are insane. (Of course they are if insanity refers to doing things over and over again wrong and expecting different results.) I know folks who have used this to good effect with their parents. (Shaking head, "I don't know what's wrong with mom?" or dad, sister,  aunt,etc or kind of give the server a knowing look

--Jay

[SWNID]

Sometimes it's just hard for people to understand people different from them. Gender is just one aspect, just like sometimes we misunderstand people's jobs and hobbies etc. We are just more sensitive and vulnerable to misunderstanding related to sex/gender stuff.

The day my doctor (who is extremely nice and supportive) gave me the T script, she asked if I was still sure that "I WANTED to be a BOY". I felt a bit hurt and offended but I loved her too much to correct her.

[sneakersjay]

Cool experiences.

I really don't get the ones where a trans person is clearly their true gender post transition and look it and nobody would think twice.  And then someone comes along and outs them, that Mary used to be Mark, or Joe used to be Joanne. Suddenly they are calling Mary HE and Joe SHE.  I don't get that at all.  Except that they are deliberately being jerks.

[Adam (birkin)]

Cool experiences.

I really don't get the ones where a trans person is clearly their true gender post transition and look it and nobody would think twice.  And then someone comes along and outs them, that Mary used to be Mark, or Joe used to be Joanne. Suddenly they are calling Mary HE and Joe SHE.  I don't get that at all.  Except that they are deliberately being jerks.

I know, at one of my jobs I encounter a trans woman. I never would have guessed that she was born male, but someone at the workplace told me and they were referring to her as a "he." Like, wtf, so confusing? She is not in any way, shape, or form distinguishable from a cis woman.