Gender confusion. Am I really transgender?

[tesseract49]

Hi everyone. I was born male and at the moment I identify as non-binary. When I was 5 years old, I went through a phase where I was upset about being male and wanting to become female. Later on, I decided that I wanted long hair and refused to have it cut short. Throughout my childhood, I always saw myself as a female in my head. I was always a female in role-playing games and I felt I was more sensitive than other boys. When I was 17 I started cross-dressing in private and felt so relieved as if I had wanted to do that for a long time. I now call myself by a different name and my friends treat me as a female. I regularly have dysphoria about my facial hair and I really want hormones. My question is, am I really transgender?  I feel like I want to be female but I don't necessarily want breasts but I hate being male. I keep coming back to the same thing that I don't want to be male, but I don't feel comfortable as a complete female either. Does anyone understand what I mean?

[Sammy]

Does anyone understand what You mean?

Oh yes, we do . Guess, this is the best place on this forum to find understanding and You are very much welcome. As for Your question - are You really transgender - only You can find the answer and it does not even matter if You consider Yourself trans or not. What matters is how You feel and how You can navigate comfortably through Your life, finding a niche where You fit in and feel good . You need to find a therapist or understanding endo to try hormones - then You will see if they feel good for You. Breasts... they kinda come with the package, but You can manipulate dosage to try to tweak their development, but it is still a combination of genetics, age, luck and unknown variables.
As for Your preferences - they are alright . I hate being totally male and I would love to be female, but I dont really believe I could be a complete female either.

[helen2010]

You certainly sound like you have dysphoria and that you could be trans*.  However as Emily said, only you and your therapist will help you determine your identity.

Your feeling of not wanting to be male but not feeling fully female is the experience of many non binaries.  As NB you can seek an androgynous, queer or other outcome that works for you.  A good endo will help you on this journey.  If you find your breasts grow too large on hrt, they can be reduced; your face can be slightly or significantly feminised, you can permanently remove your body hair, you can change your grooming, your clothes and your mannerisms, you can close down the dysphoria, you can have a richer emotional experience - all this is available if you are NB and decide to express yourself as such.

This is a different road to that which most travel, but for me it was the single most powerful and liberating experience that I have had.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Cin]

I do understand what you mean. I'm not happy as a male, but I don't know if I'd be happy as a female. The more I learn about my depression, the more I know it won't be the case. My depression isn't just because of my GD.

As for me, I want to have breasts, sure, but I'd like to hide them, and as for my looks, I just want a slight feminization that is all, no facial hair, and fix up my hair. I don't even want really long hair either.

I want to be fully female, but I'm scared, and I'd take something closer to female, because it seems realistic to me.

[suzifrommd]

My question is, am I really transgender?

Can't say for sure, but you certainly are talking like someone who is trans.

I didn't know for sure myself until I started presenting as a female in social situations and realized how natural it felt.

[tesseract49]

Thanks so much for your replies . I feel a lot better now that I know how similar you are to me. It feels good to know people who are similar . I really want to be feminised in some way, I reallu hate being male and I don't fit in at all. Nothing makes me feel more upset than being called a man, in fact I don't even like sayong that word. Ithink I am either non-binary or an MTF that is too scared to transtion. The funny thong ia that some days I am more feminine than I am on others. Some days I don't have much dysphoria but other days, I get really freaked out by the way I look.