So, even though I've been trying to avoid it, I think I'm a trans mom again. I don't know why this always happens to me. I don't know why people come to me. Oh why, oh why!
Anyway, I've helped several people with there transition, and I've been a canceler to even more. And, it seems like I'm doing that once again with another person. Not that that's a horrible thing, but I'm still wondering why people think I'm so helpful... maybe I am. I don't know. People are just drawn to me.
Gwah, I even have a fan base -- I had someone come up to me when I was out at a bar and said they watched all of my videos and were a fan and etc, and etc. That person wasn't trans, but is still inspired by me. It's a good feeling, although odd at the same time.
I've lived my whole life not being like, not having friends, hiding somewhere in some self-destuct mode over a razor or a bottle of pills.
Then I started working on issues, I started getting more social (and now I'm super social), and I started transitioning.
When I first started dating my girlfriend in Sept, she was pretty amazed how often I'd have friends and complete strangers running up to me. I'd walk into a store and I'd have some person I didn't know say, "Hey, you're Natalie, aren't you?" And then I'd say yeah, and a conversation would start up.
It's just a weird feeling, and I'm not used to it yet. All the attention. Some how feeling famous.
But, with all of that comes more people. I got a call from someone I didn't know who got my number from someone else, and I was like, "er, okay?" and we went for coffee. She's transitioning and I'm sure she'll do fine, but now we're organizing a going out thing for her, since she wants to start going as herself in public but can't at home until she moves and doesn't want to start out alone.
It's something I've done for so many people. I remember dragging other trans people out into malls who otherwise were spooked out about the idea of going out in public. I then watched them enjoy the day and go out more. I've watched them grow up in a way. I've watched them go full-time, I've watched them find friends, and I've watched there self-esteem improve so much. Others I've counceled, helped out, and been an ear when needed -- and sometimes pushed a way when they needed to fly on there own and were leaning on me way too much for me to handle.
I feel like such a mom at times. And I don't know how I got here and why I have a knack for it. At other times, I feel like a rock star. A rock star transexual mom?
I'm still not used to it. I get burned sometimes from helping others, but other times it's rewarding to see people really change and to know that I had a part in it. It's nice to get the attention and all of a sudden have a fan ask me how I am, when is my next video coming out, and asking me questions about this and that (I can be pretty open about things, like my transition, so I get asked a lot of things... I guess I'm an educator in a way). It's also good that I have net work, and if I need something finding help isn't to far away. At other times, I'm not completely used to the attention, and other times I just want to have my own space and time to myself.
I don't know... my mind is just thinking out loud again. It's strange how things have changed in so many ways. And it feels good that not only I have changed, but I've changed the lives of others, and in turn they've change the lives of others, and so on.
