Satinjoy,
First of all, thank you for responding - it means a lot, more than you could possibly ever know. There's no need to apologize, you could never offend me and never previously did.
Oh, believe me, I am most definitely androgynous at the core - well, at the very least, my gender expression is androgynous. I consider myself to have both feminine and masculine qualities - my ideal physical body would be flat-chested with genderless traits (bottom half). Basically, the description of my kitty child I wrote in the Forest thread.
On that note, when you posted in that thread, I had all the intentions of responding but it's been years since I've role-played and being inspired from your reply just now, I have an idea swirling around my head and intend to post after I finish this reply
I probably would not have any reaction at all. To be honest, I would understand why! Sure, in the past, I have yearned to have a biological penis - a part of me still does but if I magically woke up tomorrow with one, I would be deeply conflicted - I would be torn between "My wish came true!" and "Oh great, now I'm going to have to tuck the darn thing!"
The male part of me only desires the penis for appearance reasons. Sex doesn't interest me. Sure, I participate in masturbation but it's only to satisfy the libido - I rarely enjoy it for the sake of pleasure (never have pre-HRT either). Peeing standing up doesn't concern me but if I had the option, it could be interesting to be able to "switch" between genders depending on how I feel that day (i.e. pee sitting down in female restroom, pee standing up in mens restroom) but at the moment, being non-binary and feeling genderless the way I do, I avoid binary toilets altogether due to the stress they give me. I currently use the unisex restrooms when available.
Thankfully, I have many, many years ahead of me to introspect on my options for bottom surgery. Top surgery is happening without a doubt - breasts hinder my androgynous presentation. Ideally, from the deepest parts of my core, I would love nothing more than to have no genitals down there. But upon researching the surgery options, it's a lot easier to have metoidioplasty with modifications so I can still at least have the minimal genitalia I can have without risking the chance of removing erectile tissue and being unable to get it back.
I no longer harbor any hate towards the female side of me, my physical body or myself at all. I think I was just quite taken back that embracing my non-binary identity reminded me of how much I once hated myself whereas now, identifying as NB has made me feel happier and much more comfortable within my skin than I ever did identifying as male or female. I feel like I have taken a step forward, another leap of self-awareness achieved about myself.
To the forest thread!
Thank you again
Jacey
