Coming out letter to parents

[jeninindiana]

of course a parent would have to first accept the idea of your corrected gender in order to be willing to pick out a new name for you but in cases where mom is accepting she should choose I think its more than just inclusiveness just the act of naming a daughter would have a psychological impact on a mom that only naming a child can do. it could be a family name or another name that is special to her . yes naming you a new girl name would be the ultimate expression of acceptance of you as a girl definitely (and I hope everyone here experiences that)

[Tessa James]

Good for you Terri,

Your letter seems well thought out.  I waited a long time to come out transgender and my parents were gone.  Support or rejection was no longer an option but I will never know if we could have had a better relationship with a deeper understanding of one another.  I feel you are far better off by giving them and yourself the option of knowing the true you.  It is kind of a cliche but I think it does take courage to be open with family and to therefore be vulnerable to loss.  Some of my family felt that "a ha" thing where my past behavior made more sense given the transgender context. 

You are also being honest and that was one question I asked some of my less supportive family.  Would people really want me to live a lie? 

Again, good for you!

[jeninindiana]

parents want their kids to be happy and once they accept that this will make you happy they will be happy for you , and proud of your courage to be who you really are if they do believe it will make you happy and you are the only one who can convince them of that . when my kids are happy I am too ... so really express your feelings to them . that is what they will either support or fight against whatever they believe is in your best interest and what they think will bring you the most happiness in life . I would focus on your feelings that's making the best argument . they can argue against everything you say except your true experiences and your true feelings .

[TerriT]

Hi Tiffany

If your current avatar pic and you are the same person, then you've got nothing to worry about, really! 

I sent a couple of pics immediately after the main email just so my family didn't imagine someone like RuPaul, or John Wayne in a dress 

You're gonna be fine.  Please let us know how things evolve.

Hugs (¡abrazos!)
Julia

Yes it is me but it is from a while ago. I deleted all my more recent pics.

Regarding my name. I already let my partner help select a name, as I described in my letter. Her acceptance and inclusion is more important to me than my parents. I live very far from my family and only see them occasionally and at this point, my transition is pretty much fait accompli so I'm not really seeking their permission or to convince them of anything. And I don't want to gush about my feelings and how I need to be happy, I've already had those conversations with my partner.

But no, I am not leaving my name up to them. I've already filed my paperwork and my court date is 10.14. The last thing I feel like doing is waiting for however long it takes for my parents to come around and then convince them to rename me and then spend all that time and effort into getting the name process started all over again. To me, having my name changed is enough of a statement to make it clear that this is my life.

Letter goes in the mail tomorrow. I'll post an update if/when I have one. Thanks for all the feedback.

[TerriT]

Good for you Terri,

Your letter seems well thought out.  I waited a long time to come out transgender and my parents were gone.  Support or rejection was no longer an option but I will never know if we could have had a better relationship with a deeper understanding of one another.  I feel you are far better off by giving them and yourself the option of knowing the true you.  It is kind of a cliche but I think it does take courage to be open with family and to therefore be vulnerable to loss.  Some of my family felt that "a ha" thing where my past behavior made more sense given the transgender context. 

You are also being honest and that was one question I asked some of my less supportive family.  Would people really want me to live a lie? 

Again, good for you!

Thank you Tessa and I'm sorry about your family. Some of my friends have had to go through the same thing. I've also met people who waited until their parents passed before transitioning.

[TerriT]

Ok, so reaction is starting to roll in. I haven't talked to them yet but both have acknowledged my existence. Here are the text threads from both. My Dad got letter first and didn't know what to do lol. He hid it from my Mom for a couple of days I guess. Maybe he is trying to take some of the heat off of me. Anyways, they are below.





I guess, all things considered, they are taking this
MUCH BETTER THAN EXPECTED

But IDK, we haven't talked yet, I mean it's only been a couple of hours for my Mom. But I am majorly surprised at this reaction from both of them. We are going to have a long talk this afternoon I guess. Is this similar to anyone else? I gave so much thought into how to tell them I haven't actually figured out how to talk to them. I'm nervous and very emotional and trying to calm down. I haven't sent my Mom a pic. I wasn't going to send my Dad a friggin selfie, I wanted to send something taken in a regular boring assed old place like a restaurant and that I was with other people and that I have some sort of social life. I thought it would help them think of me as "normal"

I have not heard from any other family members so I assume they don't know. I'll tell my sisters together, probably by email. Or text...

I hope the screen grabs are big enough to read

[Julia-Madrid]

Hey Tiffany

You see, your family love you.  Your parents are as pissed off as mine were for not including them sooner.  This is at least recoverable !!

I can't tell you how pleased I am for you, truly.  The messages indicate that you have caring and sensitive parents and this is a true gift.  Think about how you can take them on your journey in a way that will allow you to grow closer.

Hugs
Julia

[Shantel]

Terri,
    I am absolutely overjoyed for you honey, that is absolutely wonderful how your parent's responded so beautifully, they are swell folks and I hope this will draw you all much closer together as a result! I had to zoom six times to read the emails, it was worth the effort and brought tears to my eyes.

[androgynouspainter26]

That's so wonderful!

[Megumi]

I'm glad things are starting off on the right foot for you!

[Tessa James]

Terri that is so cool!  God I wish more parents could be so supportive.  I too had friends that were upset they were hearing so late.  Some folks don't get how many of us did our best to fight this off and deny it to ourselves.

You will likely have quite a homecoming event sometime. 

Very happy for you.

[EllieM]

Tiffany I am SO happy for you, I feel like jumping up and down and screaming YES YES YES. Hang on a sec...
OK, done it.
Oh, and Shan, tears, me too.
Wow. That's great.
Q: should we all be calling you Terri now?

[TerriT]

Yes please, my name is Terri. I will have to ask the admin to change.

Thank you all so much. I am stunned at how well this went. I talked to my Dad for 1/2 hour and he said he had already changed my name on his phone lol. I talked to my Mom for 1.5 hrs about this stuff and she has a lot of questions but was so upset I never told her earlier so they could help me sooner. They said they would help me with surgeries and with money and anything. My Mom said she already made me once so she could do it again lol. I feel like this is a fairy tail. I can't believe it. I cried with them for a long time. I was so scared for so long and buried it all so deep. I know so many people who have such hard times with their families. I feel so amazingly blessed with this. Thank you everyone for your help and support. I appreciate it so much in helping me get through this and now I feel, finally, like I can be myself and free of this terrible burden.

[Shantel]

I am so happy for you Terri, your parents are precious people!

[EllieM]

This is so uplifting, Terri. I'm very happy for you.
(((hugz)))
-ellie

[Julia-Madrid]

YES! YES! YES!

[JLT1]

Terri,

That is wonderful.  Enjoy.  Rebuid a relationship.

Hugs!!!!

Jen

[Jill F]

This is great!  My parents and I were practically estranged for 25 years, but after I transitioned we all ended up becoming closer than ever.  We all even had lunch in Santa Barbara on Friday, well, just because.  They can tell how much happier I am- now that I finally get to be the real me.  I hope the same thing happens to you.  It's nice to have my parents back in my life, and I now treasure every moment that we get with each other.