Yo.

[deviousxen]

Hey.
:-\Ready...
Here goes.


Finally found a site/forum that wasn't a bunch of links to weird sites that creep me out! SO yeah. I'm from Connecticutland and have, ever since I started thinking sexually or at all about my role, questioned it. I've never felt right in this body, especially during puberty, which is almost done now. I'm still "in the closet". That whole "parental" psychological block thing seems true on that other page. I still don't know If I wanna come out yet. Its not the "standing up to the parents and growing up" thing, its more how they'd view me for the rest of my life, at such a fragile period of their lives (my dads having an affair and my moms devastated and owns a store). I'm more torn between secrecy (which I love...not gonna lie) and truth (which is true, but makes people, who are potential friends, view you differently for the rest of their lives). And I know I should question whether or not I care about them in the first place if they aren't friendly through this whole ordeal, but I dont wanna sever any more connecticons when I'm JUST starting to get stuff straight (no pun intended, but I luled).

I'm a bit of an insomniac (used to be worst and am just tapering off caffeine). I honestly dont know if I'd go 100 Percent through the motions to become female, simply cause I think science needs to advance a bit first...I don't know. However, I do feel much more a female, than I do a male. Its not nessesarily the role, its more about the body itself. I just like the idea (and the feeling...been experimenting with phytoestrogens) of it all. I'm no stereotype either, and I honestly hate the whole system of "living in the role" etc. Its good for some people, I just doubt me. But yeah...enough about that.

I enjoy making comics, which I've been wanting to do for years, and finally am able to do, energy drinks, thrilling, or mindbending stuff, music, film, animation (japanese or american if its good.), computers, machines, and being experimental. I'm pretty into the convention scene for anime and video games etc. On a side note, I wish brains had a hard drive interface so they could be backed. This system of ditching old memories' vividness like sponge-grime simply isn't for me. I like science too, and philosophy. I wish I were more synesthetic.

Speaking of comics. The other source of confusion for me is that half of my characters are my old personas, which are only old cause a new voice of one is yelling louder than others in my head at the moment. I let them exist on paper or photoshop cause I love them. I find myself in the dilemna of CREATING MYSELF, over FINDING MYSELF. I kinda miss my old self, but he was ignorant and he wishes he were me. Dumbass me.

And then there's the fact that I am 18, and standing in front of the road of the rest of my life. I dont have my GED yet either. Stupid math! Its 4:30 am...already?!

[Christo]

yo, whassup?  welcome bro!

[tinkerbell]

Hello there and welcome to Susan's!

Thanks for your introduction.  Please take a second to get familiar with all the forums of the site, review the site rules and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay!

tink

[RebeccaFog]

Hi DeviousXen,

Welcome to Susan's.
   It sounds like you keep your mind really busy.  That's a good trait. One I never mastered [sound of drool dripping from my brain  ).

   You will certainly have a chance to work out your thoughts here. The people are from around the world and everybody has something unique to offer even though what brings us here is a shared yearning.
   I'm glad there are no weird ads either.  I guess I never really thought about it, but it makes a BIG difference in the feeling you get here.


Rebis   ----> enemy of the status quo

[HelenW]

Hi, deviousxen, welcome!!

I'm happy to make your acquaintance!

hugs & smiles
Emelye

[deviousxen]

Thanks alot people!

[Vik]

Welcome to Susans!