Monotony of my life

[Cin]

I do the same thing every single day, it's driving me crazy. I'm either on the bus to college, or on my way back home, or on my bed all tired with all my doors and curtains closed. I fight sleep until I fall asleep, and hate the mornings as I have to go out. College sucks, I don't enjoy it, I just endure it, I get back home, eat something, wait for my room mate to go to work at night, I lock the doors, listen to some music for a while, and then I fight sleep again and fall asleep.

It's an endless cycle, everything is so predictable. Is that all life's about ? I had dreams, I had passions, now they're all gone, I just don't have the time to pursue them. I don't feel like I'm living, I just feel like I'm doing whatever is necessary to get by, and life isn't giving me any time to explore, this wasn't the case a few years, I hate growing up.

[mrs izzy]

And why can you not pursue your dreams?

What are your passions?

And why you seem that you have lost the time to do these things.

I understand school can be hard when one is trying to deal with there own issues.

Does not the collage have a lgbtq group that you could break the cycle and visit and see some others who are struggling?

I understand, I do about the blahs, but to you need to break them. Talk with your therapist or doctor about these and take help that is offered.

One day at a time.

Hugs

[suzifrommd]

Are there people in your classes you talk to? If not, can you introduce yourself to some of them? Getting to know people really helps spice up an experience.

Also, have you been evaluated for depression. One of the symptoms is not being able to find pleasure in just about anything. It's called anhedonia. If your college has a health center, couldn't hurt to be checked.

But please get some sort of help. You only get one life, and it's way to short to spend some of it miserable.

Hugs.

[Cin]

Thank you izzy, suzi

i was evaluated for depression, and i did have a psychologist, i just couldn't keep with the sessions, and no my school doesn't really have any health center,

these days, i just never have the time to do things i love to do, I'm just too tired all the time, i know i need to go back to my psych soon.

these days i feel that my existential depression, is more of an immediate concern than my gender dysphoria, and it just sucks the living out of life.