ugh. my computer is being a b!tch so i have to put this here in order for me to be able to use it later, sorry for posting on and on on this thread.
This message is to anyone and everyone and im sorry i know that its awfully long but this is really important to me and i trust that the people that matter in my life will take the time out of their busy day to read what i have to say. What im saying here today is strait from the heart. It is something i have spent many sleepless nights over, (and we all know i have many of those) and have put alot of thought into. I wasnt entirely sure how i was going to say what i need to, or how i would get this to everyone, but i know that in the end it will get to the right place. I want you to know that i am telling you these things to find peace for myself. I feel like i have been hiding for too long, and lying to the people around me. I know that i will lose friends and family for this and quite frankly it has been what has kept me from doing this in the first place. I love my family, all my cousins and siblings mean the world to me and i couldnt imagine life without them. I think that coming out and saying this may be the scariest moment in my life, one im sure will come with regrets and relief galore. This is harder for me than anything else ive had to do. I know that i have put this family through the wringer, let people down, and even made people afraid of me, and i'm sorry. I want more than anything to not be one of the black sheep of the family, which despite the many imperfections ours has, i fell that is exactly what i am, but today i have chosen to come out of hiding and head down a road that will help me become who i feel i really am. I feel like i will be invalidated or put many people in disbelief by saying these things, and i want you to know that i am not looking for your sympathy or attention, im just sick of hiding who i really am, pretending to be someone im not, and i felt like it was high time i started telling the truth. T he most i want of you is your love and support, something that i would hope i already have and will have no matter what, even after coming out and saying what needs to be said. I know that some of my family may not want to be around me anymore, or to associate with me after this, and i understand that. Just keep in mind that your choices reflect our relationship, and if you choose not to want to associate with me or to disown me, reject me, tell me im no longer a part of your family, or to just stay away from me in general, know that i will notice and i will respond accordingly. If you dont want me to be around you i will go away, and while it will be hard i have already accepted that i will have to let go of some of the people in my family. I feel like im living a lie, and that you deserve to know how i feel and who i really am. The truth is, i dont identify as a woman. I know this may be hard to acknowledge and accept, but i feel like i am a guy, trapped inside a body that dosnt belong to me. I am uncomfortable with who i appear to be because of this and i have been making subtle changes already to make myself more comfortable. I want you to know that while this may seem like news to you, this has been something that i have known for a very long time. Im asking that you try your hardest to brush away any of the stereotypes that you know and just listen and believe what i have to say. I have been talking about this with my therapist since early November, and i have been encourages to stop hiding who i really am inside. I am transgender, and what this means is that while i have the body of a woman I identify as a being male. This is NORMAL and is more common than you would expect, and also has nothing to do with any of my mental health problems which you would be happy to hear have been under control for months now. As i grew up i began to get more and more uncomfortable with my body because it was very foreign to me, i felt like what was happening was wrong that i was in the wrong body. I began to notice that while i didnt like these changes i would get rewarded for them, people would give me compliments on how nice i looked and on how i was turning into such a beautiful young lady, and while these things made me uncomfortable i pushed myself and tried my hardest to "fit the mold" and try to look and act like the woman i was supposed to be, but in the process i have been making myself miserable. Back in October i discovered that the reason i had been feeling this way for so long was because i felt like i was a man trapped in a womens body, and i began discreetly doing things to alter my appearance to make myself more comfortable. I cleaned out my closet leaving only the clothes that i liked, and got rid of alot of my girly things, and this made me happy. I began binding my chest to flatten it, and this made me able to look in the mirror and without feeling gross and uncomfortable. This makes me happy. I want you to know that while my appearance may change, this will not change who i am! I am still the person that you know whether you love or hate me, know that i have not changed a bit. While changes will continue to occur after this is sent out i want you to know that i will still be that spontaneous and funny little kid that you have always known, none of my personality traits are ever going to change. The things that will be subject to change, (and up to you to uphold) will be things to make me more comfortable in my own skin, and happy, which is the ultimate goal here, no longer hiding and finding happiness for myself. I will be changing my name and the pronouns used to address me, and while this may take some time to get used to and i understand that, i would prefer from here on out to be addressed as " him his he" instead or "her she hers" and would prefer to be called " ----insert new name that i have yet to think of----" Please do not joke about this, it took alot of courage for me to be able to even accept these things about myself let alone to announce it to the entirety of my family. I want you to know that this is no phase and is what makes me happy, which in the end should truthfully be all that matters. If you want to cling to the hope that i will someday grow out of this, go ahead and do it if it makes you feel better, but always remember that i told you here today that this is something about myself that has been here for a long time, and is never going to change. Fell free if you have any questions to come to me and ask them not matter how awkward they may seem. as long as your intentions are pure, it dosnt matter to me, and i would rather you ask me a million and one questions than to walk around with a bunch of stereotypes in your head, playing a guessing game as to how i feel or what happens now.
