Stuff Parents Say

[morganFW]

Forced you to shave? Like did she "inspect" you afterwards?? Dude that is creepy as hell...I'm really sorry that happened, I don't think I could look my mother in the eye after something so personal as her commenting on my body hair... damn. I hope she can look back on that and realize how damn nutty that is to do.

After going thru this thread it seems like most parents seem to be more concerned about themselves, like their trans* child who is seeking medical treatment to live a normal happy life, who is gonna go thru numerous surgeries, take hormones ect has some how made THEIR lives so awful cause now they'll never be able to give them grandchildren or grow up to be a "heartbreaker" (whatever the hell that means) a public FB statement? geeze you just ruined their lives!  seriously get over yourselves already there are soooo many, many worse things that could be happening to your kid or family.

I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy, if I could save all of you from these situations I would.

[devention]

On the subject of body hair, last summer I got, "You need to shave your legs."
"Guys usually don't do that."
"You're not a guy."
"Excuse me?"
"You know what I mean! You don't look like one."
"Thank you, mother, that makes me feel a LOT better about myself."

Looking through this thread makes me feel a lot better about my mom's reaction, though. Damn, y'all got some tough stuff to wade through. Good luck :<
Also, WTF, making you shave your body hair? Shaving you? What the actual hell that is so ->-bleeped-<-ed up

[makipu]

In my teenage years my mom just mentioned that I should shave my legs so people don't make fun of me. But then again, I was the one who started and told her by complaining about what the big deal was in the first place. I hate the body hair but I still never shaved because I would have to keep doing it over and over again.

[littleredrobinhood]

I suppose I've been really lucky in regards to body hair - neither of my parents ever pressured me to shave. My Mom would "suggest" that I shave now and then, because "it'd make me pretty". But after a few stern "No"s she'd leave me alone.  My Dad on the other hand never made any sort of comment on it.

To be completely honest, I would like to be "hairless"... But ehhh. Too much of a hassle. 

[adrian]

Mom: *mocks how I walk when I approach her* (yeah, I have never walked like a girl, and not even those ballet classes you made me attend as a kid to girl me up remedied that).

I'm not out to my parents, but it still hurt my feelings.

[AdamMLP]

Forced you to shave? Like did she "inspect" you afterwards?? Dude that is creepy as hell...I'm really sorry that happened, I don't think I could look my mother in the eye after something so personal as her commenting on my body hair... damn. I hope she can look back on that and realize how damn nutty that is to do.

I'd been getting comments at school, I suppose to the level that someone would call bullying, about it.  It was blatantly obvious that I didn't shave as most of my hair is dark, and I've got longish "troll" hair armpits.  Although it was never explicitly said, I can only imagine that the school told her about the comments, and she was trying to act in my best interests, but yeah, I wasn't particularly happy about it.  I wasn't enjoying the comments at school, and it meant that although I stopped shaving again probably less than a year later and she said nothing, although I did my best to keep it hidden, I did hide it from people right up until I came out in fear of getting those comments again.  However, I wasn't happy about her doing it at the time, and would have just rather kept on as I was.  She didn't inspect after, but she did physically shave at least one armpit and leg.  I can't really remember.

We don't talk much anymore, so I doubt anything would make her reconsider her actions.

[Blue Senpai]

Forced you to shave? Like did she "inspect" you afterwards?? Dude that is creepy as hell...I'm really sorry that happened, I don't think I could look my mother in the eye after something so personal as her commenting on my body hair... damn. I hope she can look back on that and realize how damn nutty that is to do.

After going thru this thread it seems like most parents seem to be more concerned about themselves, like their trans* child who is seeking medical treatment to live a normal happy life, who is gonna go thru numerous surgeries, take hormones ect has some how made THEIR lives so awful cause now they'll never be able to give them grandchildren or grow up to be a "heartbreaker" (whatever the hell that means) a public FB statement? geeze you just ruined their lives!  seriously get over yourselves already there are soooo many, many worse things that could be happening to your kid or family.

I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy, if I could save all of you from these situations I would.

My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

[Eevee]

My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

Sheesh! I can't believe so many people have this happen. Even if you weren't trans* and were actually women, I think anyone should have the right to choose whether they shave or not. Why should others dictate what they think is the right appearance for others? This really pisses me off.

Of course, now that I think of it, my parents always made me cut the hair on my head even if I always wanted to grow it out. I guess this is similar and not so surprising to me after all. Wow. 

[Bimmer Guy]

My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

Yes, many would say that it is intrusive when someone tells us what to do with our bodies.  Even when it is our parents.  It's crossing personal boundaries.

I think there is a difference between suggesting that your "daughter" shave her legs in order to fit in with social norms versus punishing her for not doing it.

[iiMTF]

Of course, now that I think of it, my parents always made me cut the hair on my head even if I always wanted to grow it out. I guess this is similar and not so surprising to me after all. Wow. 

Same. :/

It isn't exactly the same as the body hair thing, but my mom is constantly bugging me about cutting my hair, though I've told her a million times I'm growing it out. And then she comes and says "I'm cutting your hair", and I try to argue and stuff, but she literally FORCES me to let her cut my hair. Like, FORCES. It sucks. Doesn't help that she takes a freaking hour to cut hair so I have to sit there getting a hair cut I don't want for an hour. And I'm out to her too, but she doesn't care. Based on the way shes been acting since I came out to her, I think she's been actually trying to "boyify" me, if that's a thing. :/

iiMTF

[Nikotinic]

My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

She even made you shave your arms? Do girls even do that? I know I never did.

My mum is usually pretty good but occasionally she comes out with something funny.

"Can't you just take more estrogen so you'll feel more like a girl"
On how to tell if I'm really trans - Me: "There isn't a test or anything, there are brain differences but they can only be seen after you die if they dissect your brain." Her: "What? they can't just do a blood test?"
"I can still call you Rosie though right?" The weird thing about this one is Rosie isn't even my birth name. literally the only person who calls me this is her.

And her new favourite line:
"I never saw any signs of this when you were younger."

Thanks Mum 

[LittleBoyBear]

Yeah, I got the "This is just so sudden", too. And "You were never this way before".
Hello? My entire childhood I was a tomboy. My barbies went on adventures with my He-Man toys and G.I. Joes. I never, ever wanted to wear a dress and when puberty hit, I absolutely covered myself in clothing so you couldn't see my body. I cried when my Mom would literally force makeup onto my face as a teenager. And then how about the last ten years as I've showed up to every family function in a shirt and tie?
Willfull ignorance.

[ReubenIsTheName]

Yeah, I got the "This is just so sudden", too. And "You were never this way before".
Hello? My entire childhood I was a tomboy. My barbies went on adventures with my He-Man toys and G.I. Joes. I never, ever wanted to wear a dress and when puberty hit, I absolutely covered myself in clothing so you couldn't see my body. I cried when my Mom would literally force makeup onto my face as a teenager. And then how about the last ten years as I've showed up to every family function in a shirt and tie?
Willfull ignorance.

I can relate to this post so much!!  Even when I was a baby, I screamed and cried the entire time during my baptism, cause I had to wear a big, frilly dress.

[ReubenIsTheName]

My mom forced me to shave my legs and arms and took away my computer if I didn't when she asked and saw. Is that really off?

I've been forced to shave on several occasions.  Sperm donor told me he'd make my best friend (who was spending the day with me that day_ leave if I didn't go in the bathroom right then and there, and that I couldn't watch Salem (my favorite show, like, ever) that night if I didn't shave my legs.  He came and checked my legs later on that night, and poked his finger at my underarms to try and get me to lift them, and prove I'd shaved.  I'm "an American woman, not a nasty, hairy, European woman."  He spent two years in Germany, so I guess he think he knows everything about all foreign women and their body hair.   I think that comment speaks for his personality, without even the part of him forcing me to shave.

[makipu]

Speaking of body hair on ciswomen; do all cultures expect them to shave? 

[AdamMLP]

Speaking of body hair on ciswomen; do all cultures expect them to shave?

Nope.  It is reasonably common place though.

[PucksWaywardSon]

I got the mom-told-me-to-shave thing when I hit puberty too. Even getting a bra was a fight.

How I came out to her? After I cut my hair and was talking about taking photos in my jeans & blazer combo she said "careful with that, you don't want to look like a boy"

Umm... yeah, about that.

Didn't think I was entirely ready to tell her then, but didn't go as badly as I feared it might.

[Edge]

Yeah my grandma loves me and cares about me almost as much as she manipulates, controls, and assaults me and blames me for the sexual assault and other abuse that happened to me as a child.

My mom is like that. She "loves" me and "supports" me, but I keep doing these things that hurt myself. Like having friends, standing up for myself, taking care of myself, getting away from abusive people, etc. Or like the things that did hurt me, but were not my fault like being raped and abused. Not by her or the rest of family though. No, of course not. That stuff never happened, wasn't abuse, their behaviour was totally justified and normal, and I need to look at how I was behaving. (Lots of sarcasm here, btw.)
Needless to say I seriously want to do some very violent things to her. No, it's not nice and I frankly don't give a rat's behind if anyone thinks I should feel or act any different towards her.

[ftmalex]

After I came out to my parents and they basiclally shut me down (like 4 months ago) I only had the courage to say something to my mother once again (1 month ago) which was that I asked her to finally acknowledge my identity, and she literally told me "You're too young to know this yet, and as long as that is and you don't transition you're still my daughter and you can't do anything about that."

After a lot of screaming and crying from both sides we agreed that she would try and start referring of/to me gender neutrally (introducing me as her child, not her daughter) and will also stop with the overly feminine nicknames she often calls me.

As for the culture/shaving question: I'm from Germany, and whilst most ciswomen/teengirls shave literally everything, it is still okay and not commented at when you don't shave. I'm not out and stopped shaving my legs half a year ago, and aside from my mom's acknowledgement ("Oh, did you stop shaving?") nothing else was ever said to me by anyone (yet).
And European women most certainly are not "nasty and hairy" At least nowadays not anymore. It was common in the 70s though (at least here in Germany).

[ReubenIsTheName]

And European women most certainly are not "nasty and hairy" At least nowadays not anymore. It was common in the 70s though (at least here in Germany).

I'm sure they're not!  He's just a bigot, among many other (negative) things.