One of the first signs

[Larisa]

One of the first signs I was a girl inside this guy body was that I got sad when I looked at other girls and knowing Im them mentally but not them physically. It wasnt that I didnt relate and understand guys usually growing up or liked girl things unlike the other guys. I didnt even realize I was trans until just in the last couple years. With guys, I always felt intimidated by them like I was weaker and all. Girls, I always felt like loved and like I was missing something but I didnt know what. I discovered over the last few years I wanted to be one of the girls which was what was missing.

I believe in god, jesus, heaven, hell and so on and hoping when I live in heaven I can be a girl of both physically and mentally. Id give anything to be both inside and out. Being born a boy physically has not been helpful and caused alot of problems for me. I wish I had been born a girl completely. Its a shame I wasnt. I have my reasons for not transitioning like hrt and all but I also know it's not easy.

[mrs izzy]

Hugs

We all do what we do for our own reasons.

Keep doing what you feel is the right thing for your mind, body and soul.

[jeninindiana]

you should really find exactly what will make you happy in this life and then make that your reality . if your happy those people who care about you will be happy too , they might not be immediately accepting but as long as you make them aware of your feelings and what has led you make that decision for your life they will accept it .

[ImagineKate]

I know how you feel.

Most of my friends are women. Growing up, I played mostly with the girls. Even today I will make friends with someone at a party, function or other event and then end up mostly talking to their wife or girlfriend afterwards. Mentally I am totally a woman. Just need to fix my body to match.

[Larisa]

One of the things is that I seem like a guy like to others. I like girls, not guys. I go out and people would never suspect Im a girl inside. My mannerisms for example seem like a guy. There are hints but if you saw me for say a few minutes you would never think I was a girl inside. The hints people would see would just seem like Im a bit different. Ive had to fit in and somedays it's easy but others it's not. Today is a better day for me but tomorrow could be opposite of today. I do know however that I know Larisa in me has never been allowed to be seen, have a life or anything if you get what I mean.

I have a soul of a girl and I think like a girl. I do feel trapped sometimes but I def have my reasons for not transitioning but I do wish I was born a girl. Ive always wanted to be one of the girls instead of hanging with guys. I have some guy friends but Ive had VERY bad experiences with guys in my life. Bullied throughout school and never being able to form a friendship with any of the guys. After high school, I came to trust them a bit but still didnt relate the best. Ive learned how to get along with guys but most guys still intimidate and confuse me some unlike girls. Most of my friends on facebook are girls as an example. 

It goes deeper but Im hoping when I die someday, I can live out in heaven as a girl forever. Thats one of my biggest wishes! Ive prayed for that before def!! I wish I could be able to girl things but society and it's attitude has kept me bored and if I could be a girl forever, Id be VERY happy.

[Mark3]

I have some guy friends but Ive had VERY bad experiences with guys in my life. Bullied throughout school and never being able to form a friendship with any of the guys. After high school, I came to trust them a bit but still didnt relate the best. Ive learned how to get along with guys but most guys still intimidate and confuse me some unlike girls. Most of my friends on facebook are girls as an example. 

Wow, I could have written that, it explains me to a T...! 
In real life I'm the same, all my friends are female, and I've been called many times a BFF..

I hope I have choice in heaven also, I was told I have a twin sister who died at birth, and I'd love to be a twin sister, it just sounds so nice..

[jeninindiana]

"Ive always wanted to be one of the girls instead of hanging with guys. I have some guy friends but Ive had VERY bad experiences with guys in my life. Bullied throughout school and never being able to form a friendship with any of the guys."
its definately more fun being a girl in this world than it is a guy . guys bond too with other guys but its just not the same as girls do our bonding with eachother is more intimate and intuitive than what guys experience . personally i have no idea why anyone would want to change from being female to being male maybe for a feeling of empowerment(?) i do understand there are a few positives to being male in our society but the positive things we get to experience far outweigh what they will ever get to experience girl world is awesome im a huge fan 

[ImagineKate]

Yeah "guy bonding" is so... meh to me. Most times I see it, it's just getting together to do stupid things. There are some things I do get together with my guy friends to do, but I had much more fun and felt much more whole and at home when I had a ton of girl friends. I was one of the girls and we would even talk about their boyfriends and stuff...

[JulieBlair]

... I have a soul of a girl and I think like a girl. I do feel trapped sometimes but I def have my reasons for not transitioning but I do wish I was born a girl. Ive always wanted to be one of the girls instead of hanging with guys. I have some guy friends but Ive had VERY bad experiences with guys in my life. Bullied throughout school and never being able to form a friendship with any of the guys. After high school, I came to trust them a bit but still didnt relate the best. Ive learned how to get along with guys but most guys still intimidate and confuse me some unlike girls. Most of my friends on facebook are girls as an example. 

It goes deeper but Im hoping when I die someday, I can live out in heaven as a girl forever. Thats one of my biggest wishes! Ive prayed for that before def!! I wish I could be able to girl things but society and it's attitude has kept me bored and if I could be a girl forever, Id be VERY happy.

Larisa,

Some women are born with a penis.  Some men are born with a vagina.  That both of these things happen, and that the remedy is imperfect is tragic and sad, but to condemn yourself to living incompletely on this temporal plane  while hoping for grace in the hereafter is troubling to me.  There are lots of reasons to eschew transition, but the anticipation of something better in the next life ought not be one.  If you believe, then you accept that you were sent here with a purpose.  If you believe in a compassionate deity, that purpose is not to suffer or to spend a lifetime in penance.  If you decide, with good counsel, that living for the rest of your life ruled by testosterone is not appropriate or will leave you and perhaps those you love unfulfilled, then to not take some action is, in my view, morally and spiritually sketchy at best.

It is not required that you live as a woman.  There are regimens that allow an androgynous  presentation while relieving the distress of dysphoria.  There are some amazing people here who live just that way.

Here is the thing, you are responsible for your own happiness, but if your gender and your body are mismatched, happiness if any, will be fleeting.  I tried everything I could think of including drugs and alcohol to find serenity.  I ultimately failed and was left bereft and depressed.  My story is one of struggle and harm to perfectly wonderful people because my body and my gender were backwards, I was incomplete.  That is the tragedy of dysphoria.  We seek to fill our holes, and sometimes we miss the mark and become less than we should.  That is something I hope you and indeed everyone here can avoid.

For me the answer turned out to be HRT and transition, for some the answer is low dose HRT and androgyny.  I do not believe that for anyone the answer is pain and a dysfunctional life.

I wish you joy,

Julie

[jeninindiana]

well said julie . that deep down desire that we feel within us is meant to be there its what pushes us to do and be what we are meant to do and be . God does have a plan for every person so dont go against those strong feelings or strong inspirations . be what you were meant to be.

[Larisa]

Larisa,

Some women are born with a penis.  Some men are born with a vagina.  That both of these things happen, and that the remedy is imperfect is tragic and sad, but to condemn yourself to living incompletely on this temporal plane  while hoping for grace in the hereafter is troubling to me.  There are lots of reasons to eschew transition, but the anticipation of something better in the next life ought not be one.  If you believe, then you accept that you were sent here with a purpose.  If you believe in a compassionate deity, that purpose is not to suffer or to spend a lifetime in penance.  If you decide, with good counsel, that living for the rest of your life ruled by testosterone is not appropriate or will leave you and perhaps those you love unfulfilled, then to not take some action is, in my view, morally and spiritually sketchy at best.

It is not required that you live as a woman.  There are regimens that allow an androgynous  presentation while relieving the distress of dysphoria.  There are some amazing people here who live just that way.

Here is the thing, you are responsible for your own happiness, but if your gender and your body are mismatched, happiness if any, will be fleeting.  I tried everything I could think of including drugs and alcohol to find serenity.  I ultimately failed and was left bereft and depressed.  My story is one of struggle and harm to perfectly wonderful people because my body and my gender were backwards, I was incomplete.  That is the tragedy of dysphoria.  We seek to fill our holes, and sometimes we miss the mark and become less than we should.  That is something I hope you and indeed everyone here can avoid.

For me the answer turned out to be HRT and transition, for some the answer is low dose HRT and androgyny.  I do not believe that for anyone the answer is pain and a dysfunctional life.

I wish you joy,

Julie

Ive def had many reasons for never transitioning and Ill tell now one of those reasons and it is one of the bigger ones. If I transitioned now, my body wouldnt look like I was naturally born a girl. Id have to go through soo much surgery I hate and it would still not be natural. Im talking about how I have to many male features like bone structure. Id not look naturally born which would be 10000000xs worse than now.

I however have been putting some girl into my look more and more slowly. I keep growing my hair long and the thinning is going away slowly with vitamins. Im doing other things like working on getting my tummy slimmed up.

Ive actually told my mom about wanting to remove the hair from my face forever. I told her that it's because I hate shaving which is true but not because Im a girl inside. It's stuff like this but I can have some of the side of the girl in my look. Id even remove the hair from my chest, back and all.

I would do stuff like pierce my ears and have started to wear my nails longer unless Im on the guitar wear I cut them but never close to the skin but shorter.

Ive done stuff like wearing necklaces but Im not gonna do makeup. I dont want to look like a crossdresser since that's what it would be like. I have thought of making my eyebrows more girl like.

My hair however Im working on which Ive been making more girllike all the time.

What I wont do is get my jaw adjusted more like a girls nor get srs. For hrt, not now. I just want to put some girl into my look but keep it suttle to in many ways.