for those on HRT how many times a week do you say what the f am I doing

[Codia]

Never.  In the time I've spent on HRT I've grown to be happier and more comfortable then I ever have before.  There's not a thing in this world that could make me question the direction of my life in that respect.

[Rose City Rose]

For the first year or so, it was a couple times a week.

Now, I gladly take my pills as part of my morning routine and never give it a second thought.

Would like to eventually not have to worry about the spiro, though.

[Greeneyedrebel]

Maybe for about 5 seconds if the T shot was painful (my own fault of course...so it's more of a bap to myself for that). The world makes sense to me on T, and it never did before. It's like I spent my life trying to function in a world where everyone else knew all the secrets and wasn't sharing. Now I know them too. Maybe even some others don't know.

I sat down with my girlfriend a few nights ago and looked through some old photos of me as a kid, and she started laughing her ass off. Granted, she's known me for years...but we met during my "I'm a lesbian" phase. She told me she saw a little boy in the pics despite having longer curly hair, and nothing about a little girl. Damm I love that woman.

[stephaniec]

I always have my doubts , but I always see that little girl  wearing her sisters  clothes.

[jname]

I do say it sometimes...

hrt is no joke , I feel like a mutant or something , you dont go from male to female in one day , it takes years and it can get awkward...
but I guess one day the transformation will end :p

This.

[cass]

There was a time where i did a fair bit, i guess i was asking myself if i was sure about what im doing, now nearly 4 months in im very sure and loving whats happening and cannot remember the last time i said what the f am i doing

[CrissyMarie]

I would say about 2-3 times a month.  Mostly always out of fear if I'm choosing the right path.  When it comes down to it, there is no right path.  From what I've seen at least.  I could live as a boy but would most likely be depressed alot.  But life would be easier.  I could continue on with my HRT and eventual SRS, and I "pray" that I would be making a wise but costly decision.  I'm not depressed anymore, just scared.  I know I will lose family along the way, and it will take a long time to be as close to being a whole woman as possible.  But I've already flipped 180 degrees.  Semi masculine guy, with past female relationships.  To a passable quite feminine (tomboyish - thankfully) woman, and on my first relationship with a guy.  So, if I looked back at what's happened over the 6 months on HRT and ask myself WTF and I doing?  My answer would simply be, "finding peace within myself, feeling happy and balanced within my own body".

I feel that if I have made a mistake, in which going back to being male would be pointless, because of everything that I've been through and that has happen to my body, I would be a poor excuse for a guy.

The things I have felt and experienced within my transition so far have been worth it, if I died from doing this tomorrow, I would have no regrets.  In 25 years, of dwelling over, thinking about constantly, dreaming, feeling depressed, sad, etc. I have never felt so relaxed in my mind and body then I have these last 6 months.  Was it worth it..thus far?  Yes..I believe so.

[Ms Grace]

Not since I transitioned to full time. Before that, once I started going out as Grace and realised that part of my transition was working, the doubts started to subside significantly.

[carrie359]

My therapist helped me with that... I would think  WTF am I making the right decision.. and she would say.. lets think about this logically.. then I think back about when I was in total dude mode before transition.  I see myself as I was and feel sorry for myself back then...
Most my stress now is just the transition process.. fear of full time... but I am loving the process.. I feel blessed to be moving forward...
Carrie

[CrysC]

When I first started HRT it was a real light dose.  I was on it for a few months and then stopped.  It made me feel better but I was too scared about my relationships, my kids and someday my grandkids.  Would I be something in between?  I had trouble imagining I would or could go all the way.  What was going to happen if I stayed on that path?  I was really pressed and fought back my desire to be female as I had been doing since I could remember.  In the end I simply couldn't fight back anymore.  Self-acceptance, HRT and finally talking with my wife let me achieve happiness I had never attained.   I think you really need to question it some.  The change is just too profound to not do so.  Hopefully though you reach peace with your decision.  My question is more about how far and how fast but not about the path itself. 
I don't ask at all now.  I smile.  I note the changes that are on me and I feel good.  I'm with Carrie and feel blessed to be going in the right direction.

[stephaniec]

my problem was I kept fighting myself until I couldn't take it anymore.
I'm a much  happier person.

[Rachel]

I wavered for a few hours before taking the 1st pills then again at the 3 week point then never again. At the 3 week point the impact of what was happening hit and I had to recheck and say are you sure. At the time I was on Spiro, E and fin and I guess my system switched from T to E and at that point the changes fully hit and the real future was in sight. I think at some moment I realized the new me (way unfinished) was so much better than the past person.  I do not think I was questioning HRT so much as questioning if the changes would make life worth living at the potential of losing everything. I guess the all or nothing point.

[SonadoraXVX]

Ehhh, can't say I have, since November, 2012, the time I started hrt for the long haul.

[Joanna Dark]

Never really. Sometimes I look at myself naked and think "I really did it. I turned myself almost completely female. No one eve thinks I'm a guy, even without shaving and makeup." Sometimes when I realize all this and think I have this incredibly hot BF I feel like I am in a dream. But it's never what the eff have I done! More I can't believe I really did it.

[kelly_aus]

Not since my body adjusted and I no longer suffered some rather unpleasant introductory side effects.. Maybe 4 weeks in?

[Cindy]

I never realised life could be such fun.

For me why the f didn't I do it earlier.

I'm alive and loving it!!!!

[JoanneB]

It is about 6 years since I first started HRT and I still think it. In my case I see two major factors, first is I fought needing to go to the TS side of the spectrum trying to think of myself as just a CD, with generally bad impacts on the rest of my emotional self and very very bad on my life. So once again (far from my first on low level HRT) I crossed the line, admitted defeat, and thus once again became a failure as a man. All that on top of feeling I was already a monumental failure.  Yet over time I got that much needed brain reset. Life was getting better in general. But I'd still have my WTF am I doing periods lasting up to months. But, no way could I stop HRT it just made things look far far darker.

Today, the pendulum has swung the other direction. I freak out now knowing what I eventually need to do for myself to be healthier and happier while evaluating the potential cost of that in all the other areas of my life such as my career and my SO.

I would be a lot more concerned if someone never had doubts. Everything you do in life bears a cost. For you it may be minor, or you just may be blinding yourself to them. Only you can decide if the cost is justified.

[Frankie]

Wow this one really hit home! It's like you read my mind...There are so many questions...what ifs'. I don't want to end looking like a science experiment that went wrong. Am I giving up on myself as a man and letting my emotions take over? Will God still love me if I change what He has made? So many question without answers...I don't think I have ever been this scared in my life 

[Hideyoshi]

I never say that anymore. I used to.

[Myarkstir]

Not once since day 1 of hrt. Ever. Not one regret, i killed that guy and never looked back once.