I don't know where to begin

[LilmissThottie]

Hi all, I'm new here and don't know if posting this in a the correct place, hope I am. Because I would like some help to clarify that That I am transsexual.

To be honest I'm worried, I recently came out to my best friend, stating that I think I am transsexual. He didn't seem surprised he said there has always been something off about me and more comfortable around me then he is with other.
Remembering as far as I can I have always been more drawn to hanging out with females then male, I have felt like I had to prove my self to males all through out school, felt like I had to prove myself, I hated it. I have cross dressed before, even felt comfortable with it, I have been drawn to clothing hoping one day that I can be a dress like that. I stopped because I thought it was wrong and if I where to get caught it would be shunned out of my family., It scared of me with that thought. Even with that I would be up night wondering what it would be like to be a girl and wishing I was a girl.I do tend to go to amazon, or when I got the mall with my best friend I catch my self looking at all the female clothing and wounding what it would be like to dress up and be like one.

Yet even during that Time I didn't try to be a girl I went through a heavy depression, to the point of suicide. I still go into depression a lot but I think its because I have to wear a mask when I'm at my job and with family. I have to act like a man and not enjoy what I want to be. Even waking up is hard to do at time, I can't help but have to force my self to get up and start the day. Knowing that I can't be what I want to be. I have thought about going to a theripist because of these issues but I'm scarred of being rejected by them. I am lost.

[jakken]

I think seeing a therapist sounds like a good idea. Especially when you're not 100 % sure.

[OlderTG]

You should not worry about being rejected by a therapist. The job they should be doing is to help you become more clear about your issues.

If a therapist makes you feel uncomfortable (with them) at all, you've got the wrong therapist. Don't get me wrong. Good therapy is hard work and it may be difficult and uncomfortable facing those issues, but your therapist should be an ally in that process.

And please, please, please, if you start thinking of suicide again, get some help fast. Don't wait.

[Cindy]

First

Hi, and welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
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• Age and the Forum
  
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Don't feel bad you are among friends here. Lots of us have walked this journey and are now happy and live full great lives.

Seeing a gender therapist is the way to start. I was sooooo nervous when I met mine. But he saved my life!

Now, no stopping this girl!!

Hugs

Cindy

[Jessica Merriman]

Oh sweetie! First, take a deep breathe and know you are among family who totally understand you and will never judge you.

I myself found walking into the Therapist office for the first time was almost paralyzing. I was very fortunate though to find one who was very familiar with gender issue's and had helped several trans people in her career. I sat in silence quite a few minutes and then just started talking. The more I talked the easier it got and when it was over a sense of relief just poured through me. It is not easy to tell a stranger the most deep kept secret you could ever carry, but it is necessary to do in order to find relief. They helped me so much that after only 5 months I went full time. It was like I was born all over again only this time things felt so right in my heart and soul. When I stopped trying to act male being me just flooded out and became so natural for me. I never looked back and now here I am on HRT and planning SRS next year. All it takes is for you to take that first leap of faith and what will follow is a life you could never have imagined in your best dream. It must have been evident my whole life to others because the very first friend I told said "What took you so long"! After you get 15 postings feel free to ask anything more you would like to know. Gender Dysphoria does not go away, but gets worse every day you live with it. I tried to fight it with an alpha dog career, two marriages, isolating myself and many other things. None worked and my health started to fade. Please do not get to that point yourself. Make a call and start taking care of yourself and live free and happy. I started transition at age 47 and I don't think I have done too badly with it so no age is too old. We are here for you all the time and we consider you family now so dig right in and see where you want to go in life.