my therapist proposed a question. Are you sure your transgender

[LizMarie]

What does sexual preference have to do with self identity?

Being trans is an issue of who I am. Sexual preference is an issue of to whom I am attracted. The two things are only peripherally related. Furthermore, since the brain biology basis of being trans continues to grow over the last 20+ years of gathering evidence, and since similar mechanisms (hormonal levels in utero) are also now being implicated by the AMA in sexual preference, it explains why so many trans persons also often have atypical sexual preferences.

The following is about 70 minutes long and consists of lecture plus slides. The presentation was made at a January 2011 AMA annual meeting. This is the official position of the AMA on both sexual orientation and gender identity.

Origins of Diversity of Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity and How Discrimination Impacts Health

As Brenda notes, I've considered the question of do I want to live the rest of my life as male and the answer to that is a resounding "NO!"

And to KatieJ, my answer would be yes, yes, and yes! And in fact it has been yes, yes, and yes, including the familial rejection, yet I am happier today than I can ever recall being as an adult.

Finally, when I started this entire process and my therapist diagnosed me trans, my spouse absolutely refused to accept it, so she took me to her therapist, who, after an hour of probing questions and discussions turned to my spouse and simply said, "She's trans. She has to do this." In sheer anger, my spouse stormed out, called a third therapist, made an appointment and had us both go to her. Again, within an hour of probing and asking questions she got the same answer yet again. At that point, my spouse swore off ever talking to any "witchdoctor" therapist ever again, because none of the "dealt with reality". But I know who was really in denial about reality and it wasn't me or any of those three therapists.

[AnonyMs]

I think its a dangerous question. I asked myself the same thing and got hung up on it for a long while, but I realized it doesn't actually matter.

It's a leading question, in that it suggests the answer, yes or no. I got stuck on it endlessly. Humans are social animals and I think there's a need to define yourself, to find a box or group to belong in, and when everything is uncertain its validating to say yes, I'm transgender (or whatever). But instead try asking, am I on the transgender spectrum? That's pretty inclusive and the answer is obvious, at least for me.

And if I'm not transgender am I'm going to give up estrogen? Over my dead body. I'll take things a step at a time and find myself, and I don't care what the label is; I know when I'm happy or not.

[Kaylin Kumiho]

I used to have doubts before HRT, but those have since disappeared... besides, why would I go through this if I wasn't?

[Cin]

I'm sure I will never be 100% certain whether I'm trans or not, one fine night I'm convinced, the next morning I'll start doubting myself again. It's frustrating, all I know for sure is that something is wrong and I need to find a solution to my problem.

[stephaniec]

all I know for sure is that  HRT is a life saver for me

[h3llsb3lls]

There so totally bisexual trans people. In fact a large majority of trans people I associate with are bisexual. I myself am bisexual, but as I've transitioned I have preference toward men (I am a transman).

But I do have moments of doubt. I have moments that I put on the dress and heels and paint my nails, and try and go back into the box I was presented with at birth. But then I feel like a liar. I feel suffocated. I feel like an actor.

So to answer the question, I am a man. I was assigned the female gender at birth, and this mistake has caused me to be labelled trans, but I am a man.

[stephaniec]

I know mentally my whole life since 4 I've been woman  and HRT confirms it.

[stephaniec]

What does sexual preference have to do with self identity?

Being trans is an issue of who I am. Sexual preference is an issue of to whom I am attracted. The two things are only peripherally related. Furthermore, since the brain biology basis of being trans continues to grow over the last 20+ years of gathering evidence, and since similar mechanisms (hormonal levels in utero) are also now being implicated by the AMA in sexual preference, it explains why so many trans persons also often have atypical sexual preferences.

The following is about 70 minutes long and consists of lecture plus slides. The presentation was made at a January 2011 AMA annual meeting. This is the official position of the AMA on both sexual orientation and gender identity.

Origins of Diversity of Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity and How Discrimination Impacts Health

As Brenda notes, I've considered the question of do I want to live the rest of my life as male and the answer to that is a resounding "NO!"

And to KatieJ, my answer would be yes, yes, and yes! And in fact it has been yes, yes, and yes, including the familial rejection, yet I am happier today than I can ever recall being as an adult.

Finally, when I started this entire process and my therapist diagnosed me trans, my spouse absolutely refused to accept it, so she took me to her therapist, who, after an hour of probing questions and discussions turned to my spouse and simply said, "She's trans. She has to do this." In sheer anger, my spouse stormed out, called a third therapist, made an appointment and had us both go to her. Again, within an hour of probing and asking questions she got the same answer yet again. At that point, my spouse swore off ever talking to any "witchdoctor" therapist ever again, because none of the "dealt with reality". But I know who was really in denial about reality and it wasn't me or any of those three therapists.

thanks, very interesting

[Jenna Marie]

(Another bisexual trans woman here. )

My therapist took almost the opposite approach - I was doubting myself* so much that she'd say basically "OK, let's not get into whether you're trans. Do you want to ask people to use a different name/pierce your ears/buy women's clothing/etc.?" Then if I said yes (I always did!) she would suggest I try it out and see if it made me happier. Eventually I did accept the trans label, but she left that up to me, while making it clear that I didn't have to be "really trans" to experiment.

*I ran into so many people who said you had to know you were trans when you were a kid or it wasn't true... so I thought I was making it up.

[FrancisAnn]

Only you know inside, not any therapist.

[Ms Grace]

Maybe you should ask her if she's sure she's cis gendere?

[Jill F]

Maybe you should ask her if she's sure she's cis gendere?

Awesome.

[stephaniec]

Maybe you should ask her if she's sure she's cis gendere?

I think you've got something there

[kelly_aus]

I'm bemused at how many of you seem to think this is a bad or dodgy question.. It's not, in fact, it's right out of Psych 101.. It's a question that's supposed to make you think..

[Ms Grace]

Oh yeah, I agree. But I do find cis folk are very presumptive about themselves being the "normal" ones in the equation, especially when it comes to therapy.

[Brenda E]

Oh yeah, I agree. But I do find cis folk are very presumptive about themselves being the "normal" ones in the equation, especially when it comes to therapy.

A very important point, Grace.

[Gothic Dandy]

well, she said  maybe I was just bisexual, but I thought there were bisexual transgenders, now I'm confused

My therapist just threw that one at me too, and I was also confused. I think he meant bigender, or bi-sexual as in being two sexes at once. Not as in sexual orientation. Just a guess, though.

[ImagineKate]

The idea of me being a gay man is very, very foreign to me. That doesn't mean I won't accept gay people and fight alongside them for their rights. But being gay is just not how I am wired.

[katiej]

When I wrote about the magic button test last night, I had forgotten about the final button.  It seems we'd all push the three that would change us to female, regardless of the consequences. 

The fourth option is a magic button that would change you to a cis-male.  You would suddenly forget about ever wanting to be a woman, and would live life happily as a man.

Would you push that button?


For me...this is the first one I'd actually have to think about.  But I don't think I would.  As difficult as it is to be trans and to go through transition, at least the first three options let me be myself.  The fourth button would make life easier, but I wouldn't be me anymore.

[Ms Grace]

I've said in the forum a few times already that I would rather be a trans woman than a cis male.