Just a rant

[Ryan55]

Why couldn't we just be who we are from the beginning. I know transitioning is tough and not easy. Just man do I hate that outing ->-bleeped-<- or worrying about passing. Do I look manly, is my mannerism manly, do my bOobs show or are they flat in this shirt and binder. It just sucks. Sometimes I wish I could of been just born with the right junk or body. The pain in the ass to legally change name and gender. Or I wish I could be happy with the gender I was born with. It sucks. I guess I'm just rantiNg cause I had a trigger moment. My girlfriends friend figured out I wasn't born a dude. When I swim I use a rash guard but no binder, cause you can't swim with it and I guess by the pool she noticed my chest as much as I tried to hide it. Anyway she asked me girlfriend if I was really a him after that and that she thinks I'm cool still and she would never have known if it wasn't for that. Just sucks I guess. She still calls me him, but I feel like now that she knows. Or when people find out they will treat me different and see me not as a guy. I'm going to get top surgery eventually just not anytime soon. Just ranting to feel better I guess. It kind of triggered for me and made me a little depressed. I thought I was coming a long way with the transition thing and passing more and then bam, I failed. Guess I want to see if anyone else can relate or feels this way sometimes. My girls pretty supportive and I can talk to her about things, but some stuff she just won't understand. So figured let me rant here lol.

[mrs izzy]

Sometimes we just need to stop and smell the roses.

Well you know what i mean.

We spend so much time worrying about others we forget about ourselves.

My motto has been "be ones self at all cost and the i do not care about others" until they ask for help to understand.

Relax i guess is maybe better then the rose comment lol.

[helen2010]

Ryan

Your rant is something most of us have shared.  It would certainly be easier not to have been born trans* but ...  life is still pretty darned good.  Challenging yes, sometimes frustrating and often disappointing but the joy of growth and learning...  The insight of living in birth and target gender provides a perspective and life experience which I would not swap for anything,  now if I could just figure out how to be understood by binary folk who only deal in pink and blue!

Safe travels

Aisla

[Edge]

I relate to this a lot. I barely ever pass still and some of my friends somehow assumed that it was ok to out me to their friends and relatives without my permission. One of the excuses given was that they doubted I was a guy anyway because of how little I am able to pass. Ouch.
Some people do treat us differently when they find out. It's often hard to pinpoint exactly what is different, but I can tell when people are treating me as if I am "really a woman." It's infuriating.
Sorry that doesn't really help. Just saying I hear ya.

[Ryan55]

Thanks guys

[Sammy]

Well, You still are and will remain one of the most handsome and good-looking guys here...

[Foxglove]

No harm in ranting from time to time, Ryan.  It's good for the soul!

My preferred form of it is, "Why is it so hard to be a woman?  Half the human race does it without even thinking about it.  What do you have to do to be a woman?  Just get out of bed in the morning, and, hey! you're a woman!"

Sometimes it makes me feel a bit childish, but who cares?

[Ryan55]

thanks again guys, means a lot to me, I feel better just from ranting and hearing from you

[Bombadil]

it really does suck sometimes. I totally feel your pain.

If it makes you feel any better I'm always a bit envious of how well you do pass. I want to be as manly as you

[Taka]

why wasn't i born with wings...
oh well, i'll just have to make me some.

but yeah, it sucks that i'm not a shapeshifter, able to show what i want to be seen as on any odd day.

[Foxglove]

why wasn't i born with wings...
oh well, i'll just have to make me some.

I know the feeling.  You have to work so hard to be what you want to be, and then the nay-sayers will tell you (so gleefully) that you're not that anyway.  A pox on them!  We'll carry on, no matter who says what.