Parents forcing me to see psychiatrist instead of gender specialist clinic?

[HughE]

Im almost 20 years old, Ill be 20 in November. My mom is adamant that I am NOT transgender, that this is a phase, a whim of sorts. ... We leave the counselors, and she tells me shes not taking me to some 'lgbt clinic" and that I need a psychiatrist that shes looking into. I don't think she understands any of this I really don't, Im scared because I don't want to go to her psychiatrist, I don't. She will lie to them and tell them all this stuff about me to make me sound crazy and deranged of sorts. I don't know what to do really, the special clinic would love to take me and care for me there. I need to get there, but I just don't know how. I feel stagnated and lost, angry and spiteful. Please help :/

Do you have most of the things in this list:

* long, slender arms and legs
* feminine looking facial features
* legs significantly longer than the height of your upper body
* an armspan more than 3cm greater than your height
* sparse or very fine body hair
* a female pubic hair pattern (like an upside down triangle and confined to the pubic area)
* an inability to build upper body muscle
* gynecomastica
* a female carrying angle
* a female digit ratio

These are all markers of having below normal male testosterone during childhood and puberty, and, if you have most or all of the things in that list, then it's a fair indication that you have an intersex condition of some kind. Not all MTF trans folk have these body markers, but the impression I get is that way more do than is the case for the cis male population. If you do have them, then it's at least something you could show your mom that proves it's not all in your head.

Also, you could ask her whether there were any problems during her pregnancy with you that might have led doctors to think she was in danger of going into premature labour. If that happens, the usual practice is to administer treatments containing quite high doses of artificial female hormones. I think a side effect of these treatments is that they can interfere with the baby's brain development, and cause problems with gender identity later in life. Doctors usually don't seem to tell mothers given these treatments that they're being given hormones, but if she was given intramuscular injections, that's probably what it was.

[Annabellekay]

Im uncertain if I am intersex or if there is any biological factor for my GD and T feelings however that is a good point to make hughE. I was  also born premature with growth retardation (my body didnt produce HGH as fast as your average kid so I was put on Hgh shots up until 16). Im very slender, a bit underweight but theres not much  I can do about that, Im 5'2.  I personally and my mom says it too, I feel I have more of a feminine figure, Lets just say physically I want more of a girls body and always have strived for one ever since my mom said that. My hips too; they're sexy if you ask me XD So I can say that in general I have a feminine figure, though Im as hairy as a werewolf and its the most annoying thing ever, I partially blame the HGH shots but who knows, it could just be my genes My beard I noticed came in around 16, 17 18-ish, but I noticed it starting to get patchy, become less and less and I got annoyed with maintaining that beast so I just decided to shave my entire face from then on.  I also tend to carry and stand myself in a more feminine fashion, with one foot more up and the other more relaxed, i can't explain it but my brother always says how gay and stupid it is, that i should stand normal. Hope this bit of info helps.
Update about the counselor i saw- she seemed okay, I'm skeptical but giving her the benefit of the doubt and a chance in the least. She said Im not ADHD and intact depression can mimic adhd, and the depression obviously most likely stems from trans issues and feeling inadequate, family environment related things, just generally feeling lost, different.

[jeninindiana]

the problem is your mom doesnt accept you being this way in front of other people because she believes that will lead to your unhappiness and will lead to a miserable life for you , and until she believes otherwise she is going to fight against it and do everything she can think of to change your mind i definately do think she is worried about your well being and mostly concerned about how other people are going to treat you .  if she believes that you will be happy she will be happy and to her this means the world around you will be supportive and accepting of you (and that could just mean you having a strong support system in your environment and close friends who support you and she sees that) I think she is focused on the negative feedback you are going to get , she is afraid you are going to get,  from the world around you .

she will be accepting of it if she does see that you are accepted by those around you . and there is a big difference to her whether the world will accept you as a woman or if the world will see you as something different or alternative from the norm and how much of a social outcast you are going to become is of great concern to her im sure . if you really can pass as a woman she will have a much easier time accepting it even though of course just seeing you as a girl in the first place when she has only known you as a boy for so long but I do think she can get used to having a daughter and can get excited about it if you are going to be living as a woman and accepted and not live as a "transwoman" with more problems in life , and it just means that she loves you and wants to see you happy so don't be too mad at her she cant help how she feels ... if she believes the world is attacking you or likely to attack you she will panic I have no doubt she will and if you are the age where you are newly going out into the world for the first time mine are not quite at that stage but very very close and I really don't know how calm or mentally stable I will be when that happens im guessing it will be like sending them to school for the first time but much worse lol  but I think that will ENTIRELY depend on one thing and that is how well my son will adjust to society and how much he is accepted by society and most importantly how he is treated by society

yes i can pretty much guarantee you are on her mind a lot (contantly more likely) and this is the number 1 problem on her list that she needs to fix for you because she simply does not think it will make you happy IF she did think it would make you happy she would not see it as a problem and would be happy for you and that is just with anything you decide to do in life not just this she would welcome a new daughter if she did think it would make you happy but obviously right now she isn't convinced of it and really the only thing that will convince her is what you tell her and also how she sees other people acting towards you . it might take her a while not to see you as the gender you have always been but she will get used to it and accept it all   .

the only way she will accept this or anything else you do in life is if she believes you will be happy so just explain to her the great reactions and support you are getting from those around you and express to her your feelings of happiness in living this way, and let her know how unhappy you were before , and i think you will be amazed at her openmindedness and acceptance and how her complete attitude changes if she becomes convinced that your chosen lifestyle will lead to your happiness .... and what will convince her of that is you and how she sees other people around you treat you . because she knows that will have an effect on you both short term and long term

[Annabellekay]

quick stupid update.
I went to see the counselor for the second time yesterday, and as soon as I got out my mom asked if 'i was okay', that I was quiet,  looked like I was spacing out, etc. This new counselor isn't terrible. But shes not the one for me. She's helpful in some ways but other ways shes insufficient for the real transgender issue. I feel I need more of a gender specialist imo. She thinks Im not ADHD and instead was misdiagnosed it, that the real issue is my depression which most likely stems from being trans. I feel my last counselor was more helpful, and I feel guilty that my mom had abruptly taken me out of his services. I realize he wouldnt be as sufficient either with gender stuff, but it helped, he helped. I feel at least. However theres a cause of concern as well. Ever since yesterday Ive honestly felt increasingly suicidal and Im just being completely 100% honest here. I don't want to openly admit that for attention but to me its concerning. Ever since yesterday and the night before the appointment Ive had anxiety like incredibly crazy, panic attack after the other, flashback and memories after the other, and self harming (pounding on my thigh). This new counselor suggested I try zoloft or something like that for my depression but its not worth it. My first counselor was right when he told my mom urgently not to wait and take me to this trans clinic for a reason, for this reason. They had doctors, psychiatrist, everything I needed. For all I know, I'm trans, intersex, or something else. For all my parents and counselor knows, this could be a hormone issue in which estrogen would genuinely help a lot of mental/emotional symptoms  I'm having. In the end I'm just crying wolf it seems.

[stephaniec]

honestly, I'd jump in a cab go to  the ER and tell them every thing.

[Annabellekay]

That thought has crossed my mind a few times @stephaniec. If i could just admit myself to get away from this house and family for a while I would, I really would But that may be looked at as me pussying out or something, who knows. Valid point though.

[stephaniec]

its not pussying out its doing what needs to be done given your lack of support, the ER is where you can get the medical and legal help  you need, they have social workers to help you

[Lauren1]

You should try not to be resistant to therapists you feel aren't gender specialists. You have posted a lot of things on here and it sounds like there is quite a bit you need help sorting out, not all of it your gender concerns. No one is going to diagnose you after two sessions. Maybe after two months. No good therapist will be easy. Remember, you aren't going to bounce ideas and get general life counseling, youre going for help.

Lastly, hormones are not going to be the cure all. You still have a long road ahead of you. You need to learn to cope with all this. If your emotions vary from a scale of -10 to 10 now, estrogen will make it -20 to 20. You are self-harming. Are adding mood altering hormones really what you need right now? Transition is stressful and taxing enough, can you really handle that right now?