Hiya. So this isn't my first post here but I figured I should say hi properly and introduce myself.
I'm Ferret (or Fez if you like. Yes, people actually call me that, I don't really know how that started) and I'm FtM. I'm currently studying Animal Behaviour at Uni with a view to conduct research of my own on canine mental health and how dogs can aid sufferers of PTSD.
I've been living as male for nearly five years... at least I think it's five years... I tend to lose track actually. I've been on T for two years and had top surgery about two months ago. Pretty much back to my daily routine now and I was pretty surprised at how good I felt just three days after surgery!
So, a little of my story-
I knew I was male all my life I just didn't understand why no one else thought so. I mean I really didn't get it- I remember being three and wondering who exactly this 'little girl' everyone was talking about was! Later when I was six I realised a little bit of what was going on, tried to explain that I didn't feel like a girl and was told pretty forcibly by someone I loved that I shouldn't be so silly. I'd like to point out that they didn't mean any harm, they just didn't understand. From then on I tried to hide it all, convinced myself I liked boys and was a 'good girl'. That was not a good plan. I got by like that until I was 13. A few days after my 13th birthday I had to go to the hairdressers with my Mum to get ready for a wedding, at which I was supposed to be a bridesmaid. I was very upset about it but couldn't articulate any of what I was feeling. Then a magazine left by the mirrors caught my eye. It was open at an article about a transman. I couldn't breath. I had never heard the term before and never even imagined any one else could feel the way I did. For the rest of the week leading up to the wedding I barely spoke to anyone. Things went down hill fast. I wont go into details but that wedding was possibly the worst day of my life and the guilt I felt for feeling like that only served to make it worse. Eventually, with the help of some friends, I came to terms with everything, came out to my parents and got some therapy set up. By 16 I had legally changed my name. Now, here I am. A little bruised and worn around the edges maybe but it's hard to go through all that without coming through a little wary of the world, right? I'm pretty happy. I still have dark moments but there's usually someone around to give me a shove and set me back on track. I'm really grateful for all the amazing people in my life who have helped me out- I couldn't have gotten this far without them.
Well, anyway, enough of that; it's nice to meet you all!
