Weird days, weird rant and possible trigger warning.

[Dalex]

I have always been rather bad at actually getting my thoughts down into words when it comes to something personal unless I'm writing it down and considering my gender therapist pretty much told me to only contact her if I was having a lot suicidal thoughts, I thought I would perhaps share this here and I hope that's alright.

On one hand I don't feel like I have much right to complain, most of my friends and family call me by male pronounces and preferred name and have done well on accepting me. But, while on the other hand everyone else genders me as she and use my given name, and some have even gone as far as to call me by both names and it. I tell myself everyday that will change once I start T, when I sound more masculine and look more so that will stop. I tell myself everyday to be understanding, that not everyone understands nor know many trans people. Some days are harder then others. Its hard to be understanding and not let some of the things people call me go skin deep.
I woke up yesterday and logged onto my facebook to see a lot of messages on my wall and such wishing me a happy birthday and then I get one from a guy I have known for a few years. Asking me if we could meet up since I'm his fetish, since to him I'm in between and he is bi curious. Well, he used male pronounces but he just blankly told me later on that he wants to sleep with me since I'm a guy with a vagina and because of that I'm very much appealing to him and he thinks about it a lot.
I don't know, I just wish I didn't have to be the subject of everyone's curiosity around me. Around 80% people around me are wayyy too curious about what I have or might have between my legs. I have tried to be so polite to everyone who has asked me questions but I am beginning to think I just need to be rude so the word will spread and I will no longer be getting these questions.

I'm sorry about my rant and I hope I managed to make any sense.

[Jessica Merriman]

I am so sorry you are going through this. 

I don't know what to say except you are my little brother and I love you!

[Ryan55]

I feel ya dalex, we all feel like that from time to time. Actually a few days ago I kind of was in a slump too and ranted on here. I learned that its ok sometimes to be like man this is tough, but we have the power to get through it. I'm on T and sometimes it hurts more when people she me instead of he. My friends use he and my preferred name, but my family not so much. Its weird like I'm living in between stages. Its not easy but thats why were here, were here for each other and get it. Just try and block out the idiots and just keep moving forward.

[Jessica Merriman]

I feel ya dalex, we all feel like that from time to time. Actually a few days ago I kind of was in a slump too and ranted on here. I learned that its ok sometimes to be like man this is tough, but we have the power to get through it. I'm on T and sometimes it hurts more when people she me instead of he. My friends use he and my preferred name, but my family not so much. Its weird like I'm living in between stages. Its not easy but thats why were here, were here for each other and get it. Just try and block out the idiots and just keep moving forward.

Dalex and Ryan, anytime you gorgeous hunks of total male hood need some reinforcement from the female of the species just PM me!! SIGH!!   

[Blue Senpai]

You're not alone there, my mother still makes it a point to use female pronouns and call me things like princess while my friends are adjusting fine with male pronouns and my preferred name. Sometimes I just let it slide because I'm not on T yet and won't be for another 4 and a half weeks but then I reach occasional lows and wish for it to stop. I've also received some increased attention which never happened before from a girl who I've haven't talked to in a very long time and known since middle school and a guy who apparently liked me back in high school when I didn't question my gender identity and who still says he does despite me saying I'm FTM on Facebook.

We're here for you and we stick together like a family.

[Dalex]

Jessica, as always you are such a sweetheart, thank you

Marcellow, I feel you. My grandmother does the same. Though, I'm still pre T and if I'm lucky I'll be starting T three to four months from now, but it just seems everyday closer seems to get slower and slower as they go. Hopefully it will change with T

Thanks Ryan I'll try to block out the idiots even more

[ElioAyla]

All I can say is I know the feeling. I dont usually pass in public, especially when people hear my voice, and it sucks. I'm not completely out with my grandma or my dad, and while I know my dad will probably accept me, I'm afraid he will think I'm crazy or that he did something wrong to "make me like this".

At the same time I often wonder if there is some kind of bigger meaning to what is going on with my gender dysphoria. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned from this life experience....to be yourself no matter what? To follow your heart and live in a way that makes you happy, live for YOU, no one else?

I've been reading a lot of books lately with that same common theme...be true to yourself, and you will one day be happy. I don't think any of the authors were trans, but it's a nice concept, anyway. 

[Maleth]

We're all here for you, Dalex. Things will get better. I'm sorry that people are almost rudely curious. Someone once told me that curiosity is within human nature.. I think it was an interesting statement. But either way I'm sending good vibes and huge hugs your way!

[mrs izzy]

Sorry you had that person make you a object of his fetish. Seems it ok to treat us like that but if we try the same back we are ostracized.

Men or women can be pigs at times.

Keep your private parts to you. No one's business.

Hugs and please reach out when you feel time thoughts please.

Someone always here.

[Dalex]

Thanks everyone, it somehow seems better to know that I'm not alone even though I wouldn't wish this on to anyone.

Elio, I suppose that's true. Be true, be you. I have actually said that to a few people. I'm always going to be myself, it's just hard at times.

Maleth, thanks for the good vibes and hugs, they shall not go to waist!

Izzy, thank you. You are totally right. What I have between my legs is no ones business but my own and perhaps if I get a partner.