Home Life - Confusing

[2fish]

I was talking with one of my siblings the other day and they told me something rather interesting. I'm out to my sibling and they are 100% on board with my transition. Well, my sibling told me that my mother had mentioned to them the following statement, "Why can't your "sister" (I'm FTM) just be a lesbian that wears high heels and lipstick? Her way of dressing like a boy let's people know she is a lesbian. Why does she like to cause attention to herself?

A little about me. I dress like a boy. I bind and I have a C chest size and she knows it yet I'm flat as a board. If my pants are too low and family is visiting she pulls them up so far up my rear just so others don't see my boy undies. I rough and tumble with the boys in my family. I have a boy hair cut and go to the barber shop and I like girls.

Okay, so my mom doesn't know specifically that I'm (FTM). I only came out to her as a lesbian years ago. Her statement makes me think a lot about how she feels and what she sees. She eventually became okay with me liking girls but she won't talk about it with me or anyone.

When I came out as a lesbian years ago she did not take it too well. I'm terrified to come out to her as trans (FTM) because I honestly don't know how she will react. I will be going on T around October of this year and feel like a "silent transition" might work out for us. She's not the type to talk about the "elephant in the room" type of stuff.

If things don't work out at least I will be able to buy my self some time with saving up in case I have to vacate.

I'm seriously just trying to figure this all out. This is by far the hardest part about transitioning for me. I'm scared, nervous, anxious and everything else in between. I'm also starting to get dysphoric with them using my birth name and female pronouns. They also correct people whenever they gender me as male. The waitresses are usually really nice to me and pay more attention to me because I'm really charming and girls think it's cute. My dad actually asked the waitress the other day why she was being more attentive to me than to him. I found it hysterical! So he kept correcting her every time she would gender me as male.

Sigh, anyone have any word of wisdom for me. I'm kinda bummed out and need a pick me up.

[Jessica Merriman]

Sigh, anyone have any word of wisdom for me. I'm kinda bummed out and need a pick me up.

I know how hard it is to deal with families especially in our situations. In fact I think coming out to families is the worse part of transition. All I can really say is you have started your journey now and things will start to move faster and the shock and newness of it will eventually wear off for them. Even after being full time for 9 months now there are still some issue's with family members, but the more they are around me the better pronouns, my name and appearance are solidifying somewhat. They have known you all your life as a certain person and it will take some getting used to and a lot of tears from all of you, but the day will come when acceptance just appears. In my case they started seeing a much more happy and stable person who was living large instead of dying slowly each day. I had to do a lot of educating them about Dysphoria and transition, but it is really paying off now. Just be patient and do not imagine the worse possible scenario. The worse thing we can do is pre judge how we think people will treat us and respond to the news. Most of my fears never materialized yet the unknown of it all delayed me for years. Just always know inside you are going to be the person you were meant to be and it will give you an incredible sense of well being and purpose. We are here for you on both good AND bad days so never hesitate to come to us when you need to. 

[suzifrommd]

Keeping a secret is hard. Coming out would at least be a relief from that point of view - you wouldn't be agonizing over whether/when to come out and trying to predict her reaction. You can't control her reaction, right? You can only control how long you try to keep your secret.

Educating your parents might help. Do they know that:
* Being transgender is not something we choose.
* It typically doesn't go away on its own. No one has ever found a way to make it go away.
* It's really serious. Anxiety, depression, and even suicide are common among those of us who ignore it.
* The most successful treatment is to transition to live as our identified gender.

Hugs, 2fish. This is a confusing, uncertain time. Give yourself credit for bearing up under difficult circumstances.

[Athena]

Huggs. I wish I could be more encouraging but all I can say is take comfort in a sibling that supports you, that is more then a lot of people.