I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. It really sux. I am a pay out of pocket patient because my deductible for the insurance I have is really high. Pretty much heart attack or stroke would be worth using it. I even had to pay for a surgery out of pocket because the deductible wouldn't even be met. 4500 dollars I think. Just got a letter that my insurance is going to go up about 70 dollars a month because I have to have, thanks to the Affordable Care Act, all kinds of coverage that pertain to cis women in the way of childbirth.

But trans related coverage is nowhere to be found. No coverage for HRT or anything like that, especially SRS. Yeah, like I'm ever going to get pregnant.

If it goes up again, I will just pay the fine every year. Heart attack, stroke or cancer? I will just camp out in the hospital parking lot until they have to take me away in a body bag or get arrested for loitering. Make bail and go back until I go to prison and then I can get treated. All for free. I though The Affordable Care Act was supposed to make insurance cheaper, not more expensive with all kinds of stuff I will never be able to take advantage of.

Yeah it's messed up and I think it's only gonna' get worse. Trans coverage, what a joke when no one will provide it unless you pay out of pocket. Political posturing. You hit that nail on the head for sure.
Just hang in there sis. I wonder if you could go get a loan at a bank for the surgery? If Kate is right and 20 grand, that's about the same price as a new car. But getting a loan you would have to have collateral, I'm sure. You could always tell the bank your getting a "new vehicle", you wouldn't have to tell them that "new vehicle" is you.
BTW. You deserve to be bitter, I think we all do because it sure seems like we are left out to dry more often than not.