How has being trans changed you?

[ImagineKate]

I just wanted to ask this question to clarify. Do you define trans as the people who have already started transition or are you emcompassing everyone who identifies as trans, whether they are pre-HRT or on HRT? Cuz if it's the latter, then it's something I have been my whole life and wouldn't kno what it's like not to be it. After all, I see life through my eyes and unique perspective. I have been feminine both in manneirisms and voice since very young, and I have to go through a lot due to it, and definitely has made me a better person. But if you're talking about HRT and SRS, I guess I don't know. I guess I'll change in ways I can't predict right now.

I am pre everything too but I have been on HRT before (low dose, trying to quell the dysphoria). I did notice that I am a bit calmer with less T in my system and I really noticed my health improving. I had a much more optimistic look on life and I felt happier and more confident. Some of that has stayed with me. Now since deciding to pursue full transition I regained that happiness because I will finally be able to freely express who I really am on the inside. So there may be a biochemical component from the HRT but I think a lot of it is mental, and even if you were unknowingly given placebos you would feel similar.

[kelly_aus]

No idea.. I've never not been trans.

[Club8698]

I thing it's best of both worlds.

[helen2010]

SJ

Another good thread - first, while I have always been trans*, I didn't always know that I was trans* - so for a large part of my life I felt out of place, an actor, an observer and was very worried that I was abnormal, damaged etc and struggled to build deep and authentic relationships.

- second, once I knew that I was trans*, I was able to understand, accept, express and celebrate myself.  I found that I could be authentic, that I could connect more easily with folk, that I could be more present and focused on others without my ego and the incessant dysphoria clouding or overlaying every thought or experience.

- third, the process of discovery, acceptance and celebration has helped me live this life to the full.

- fourth, living life fully, consciously and authentically has caused me to accept and to celebrate the gift that being trans* has been to me.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Taka]

hmm... let's try this.

- How has being trans changed you, changed who you are?
being trans hasn't changed anything. realizing i am, and accepting it, has changed how i am, though not who i am.

- Did it make you bitter?  A fighter?  An alcoholic or addict?  An overcomer?
i'm a fiction addict, but i have much more reality than just the trans side of it to escape from. can't blame trans for everything.

- Did it jade your religioun?  Bring you to a stronger place in this?
it made me question man's interpretations of the word, not really the word itself.
this makes religion stronger, as it make a person read more closely and pay more attention.
a certain man once told his followers to think for themselves, read the texts properly, and not blindly trust any preachers.

- Did it destroy your mind?
no. but people have tried to.

- Did it make you hide yourself?
i've hidden so much of myself, i'm not even sure how much of it was trans and how much was other.
i do hide transness from most people, but that's mostly for convenience.

- Did it cause you to hate and suppress your other component, then whiplash and make you hate the cis one?
hate was directed at a system and society that are willing to accept only one and never both. i have no reason to hate myself.

- Did it bring you into a place of compassion and deep understanding of others needs, make you a powerful weapon for good?
or did my deep understanding of others make me trans? who knows?
some tell me i'm a powerful... tool, for good. not a gun, but more like an immovable mountain when i just decide to be one.

- Did it make you political?  Wanting to change the world?
i exist. this should change the world more than enough in itself.
i'm not political regarding trans issues, though i'll tell people what i think if they ask.
right now, with the job that i have, i'll avoid getting politically involved. politicians can do that, and the public.

- Did it make you angry?
people make me angry, when they refuse to accept that life doesn't have only one answer.

- Did it change the core of who you are??
isn't the core supposed to be unchangeable? the wrapping has changed a little, the insides never will. i am me forever.


might change with transition, but this is what i know now.

[Satinjoy]

I just wanted to ask this question to clarify. Do you define trans as the people who have already started transition or are you emcompassing everyone who identifies as trans, whether they are pre-HRT or on HRT? Cuz if it's the latter, then it's something I have been my whole life and wouldn't kno what it's like not to be it. After all, I see life through my eyes and unique perspective. I have been feminine both in manneirisms and voice since very young, and I have to go through a lot due to it, and definitely has made me a better person. But if you're talking about HRT and SRS, I guess I don't know. I guess I'll change in ways I can't predict right now.

All trans, whether we show it outside, or whether we just know it is us.  An open question for the good of all trans, a non exclusive thread.

I am still thinking through my answers....

Love to all here

--Satinjoy

[Allyda]

Wow! this one is a toughie cause I've always been trans/IS and knew I was all girl since very early childhood. Therefore I'll answer these based on "Since beginning my transition":

How has being trans changed you, changed who you are? Generally it has made me a much happier and better more tolerant person sympathetic to the needs of others.

Did it make you bitter?  A fighter?  An alcoholic or addict?  An overcomer? I'd say an overcomer. I'll admit I was a very unhappy bitter person before transition, but I've had to overcome a lot much of which I wouldn't wish on anybody, to get to the happy place I am now.

Did it jade your religion?  Bring you to a stronger place in this? It has actually strengthened my religion/spirituality. I've more embraced my Native religion and have come to realize God is love and loves everybody despite how some people twist this to fit their point of view to what God is and the Bible says. And for my Native side I've more embraced my connection with nature with an openness I never had before. I'm actually looking forward to moving back west to further be in touch with this by visiting my Reservation more often, perhaps even moving there.

Did it destroy your mind? No, on the contrary, it opened my mind to a new life and new possibilities.

Did it make you hide yourself? Definitely not! I did too much hiding before my transition. Now I love and enjoy going out and meeting people as me, who I've always been.

Did it cause you to hate and suppress your other component, then whiplash and make you hate the cis one? I don't understand this question. But if it's about my nether regions I've always hated what's there. And if it's about a male component; I've never had one.

Did it bring you into a place of compassion and deep understanding of others needs, make you a powerful weapon for good? Well,{giggles} I dunno about a powerful weapon for good,{more giggles} but as I answered in question one I answer this one with a resounding YES!

Did it make you political? Wanting to change the world? I've always been a realist. Sure, I'd love to change the world. Especially with regard to how our community is viewed. But I also realize there's nothing I as one woman can do, except be the best woman I can and hope it's enough.

Did it make you angry? I'm only angry at circumstances that came along to interrupt my transitioning much sooner, and at the best years of my life being lost to misery and despair.

Did it change the core of who you are?? Definitely not. I've always been who I am. My core Identity has always been the girl/woman you now see on the outside. It just took me a while to fight my way out.

An interesting question and y'all have given some very interesting answers.

Best wishes Everyone.

Ally

[Satinjoy]

How has being trans changed you, changed who you are?

Did it make you bitter?  A fighter?  An alcoholic or addict?  An overcomer?

I am deeply bitter.  Right to the core, but I overcome this, mostly by allowing Satinjoy to have control, using positive to overcome the darkness inside.  I am a fighter to the core, for me, not so much, for others, to the death in this place, fueled by anger and rage and a knowledge that what is right has been corrupted by fools.  I am an alcoholic and an addict, brought to deaths door by alcohol, and addictied to pot and to amyl nitrate.  Trans was a triggering factor, there are many times when I was quietly kicked out of low level bars, for sitting on the floor drinking, or woke up in a broom closet.  Am I an overcomer?  Am I alive?  Then yes.

Did it jade your religioun?  Bring you to a stronger place in this?

It ruined it for me completely, it destroyed my deep love and passion for church, it made me a freak and not part of a body of believers, it caused unspeakable pain, it killed my calling in that place.  But it did not breach my relationship with the God of my understanding, who is the triune Jesus, and as a direct intercession by Him in a vision to my wife, I remain married, she was told to accept me, and for me, He also visited, telling me flat out to trust Him.  Not evangelizing, speaking only my truth here, I cannot do anything else.

Did it destroy your mind?
A lot of it.  But we are putting that back together and it has made me so much stronger, my emotions however we watch carefully here on the forum, I can destabilize in a heartbeat into fear, depression, and mental freeze.

Did it make you hide yourself?
I became so good at hiding that when I came out under the direction of the shrink, nobody had the slightest idea what was coming.  Now, I am out period, in my chosen presentations, when I want to be whatever I am in the moment.  Right this second, full transition, later, muted genderqueer as I deal with the idiot I work with.

Did it cause you to hate and suppress your other component, then whiplash and make you hate the cis one?
Absolutely.  I got over it.

Did it bring you into a place of compassion and deep understanding of others needs, make you a powerful weapon for good?
Wouldn't that be nice.  It is what i strive to be here, out there, that is enough for me.

Did it make you political?  Wanting to change the world?
Yes but I want to change the world of trans in here, more acceptance, more bridges, put to death invalidations of gender perceptions by trans against trans.

Did it make you angry?
Extremely.

Did it change the core of who you are??
Absolutely.  I was a sweet quieit boy once.  The boy, however, was an almost boy, and the core was overlaid.  I found my core in here.

How has being trans changed you, changed who you are?
It made me the artist that I am, and I am still under construction, it made me a warrior of words, it made me bitter, it made me joyful, it made me real, it made me the passionate loving soul that I now give myself permission to be, and nobody, ever, is going to stop Satinjoy from feeling again.My thoughts For the good of trans, if possible.

Nails out head up heart on fire, eyes wide open, living free, a very passionate non binary, unclassifiable transsexual.

Satinjoy.

[Cin]

I don't really know, but I've learnt so much about myself and other trans people, and I don't think I'd know so much if I weren't trans myself. Since I'm hiding, I know hard it is to hide.

Has it destroyed my mind? I don't know, honestly. For one thing, my dysphoria doesn't let me imagine my future, I just don't even see a future to be honest, as I can't see myself living like this forever. I don't think it would change much when it comes to helping other people, I know that the only person holding me back is myself.

At times I wish I weren't trans because being trans so far, involves a lot of hiding and holding back for me, as I'm not really living the life I wanted, I'm not saying I have it bad, I have wonderful friends and family, and I'm known for my soft-natured kind demeanor, it means a lot to me, but when dysphoria is at it's extremes, I look back and I see no childhood, and I feel so disconnected to my teen years, when most look back it fondly.