why am I refusing to go to a support group?

[QuestioningEverything]

I can't figure out what my problem is, there are 2 trans support groups in my area and I keep meaning to go but when the day comes I can never bring myself to actually show up. I really need to start going and start meeting other trans people. This site is great but its not the same as actually talking to someone face to face. I have this fear that the groups will just be a bunch of us sitting around just talking about our issues or that i'll see some there I know or someone will spot me going into the building. Not sure why I'm even worrying about that since anyone I see or who sees me going into the building with either be trans themselves or at least lgbt friendly. I dont get it i've wanted to go for the past 4-5 months but keep putting it off and making excuses or just flat out refusing to go.

[Jessica Merriman]

I have a lot of fun at mine and it is very active. I think you would enjoy it a lot if you were to go. We are currently planning our huge Valentines dance. Jessica finally gets to wear a prom gown OMG!!! 

Please go at least once. I do not think you will be disappointed at all. Give it a chance. 

[skin]

I've been to a really terrible group before.  I was annoyed at how unsupportive some people could be and I felt like I wasted my time.  I've also been to a group that was super helpful and lead to some friendships.  So what I'm trying to say is the worst case scenario is negligible.  Just go and if isn't for you nothing says you have to go back.

[Athena]

It is one thing to out yourself to a computer screen it is an entirely different thing to out yourself to someone face to face no matter how supportive they are. It also means you are taking at least one step towards transitioning if you haven't already started and that in it's self can be very frightening.

I would suggest trying to go but don't sweat it if you back out, don't push yourself too fast and try to relax. It is better to regret leaving it so long then to doing it in the first place.

[QuestioningEverything]

It is one thing to out yourself to a computer screen it is an entirely different thing to out yourself to someone face to face no matter how supportive they are. It also means you are taking at least one step towards transitioning if you haven't already started and that in it's self can be very frightening.

I would suggest trying to go but don't sweat it if you back out, don't push yourself too fast and try to relax. It is better to regret leaving it so long then to doing it in the first place.

You do make a good point regardless how supportive they are it's still extremely difficult to actually say that I'm transgender out loud. I have been taking many other steps towards starting transition its just talking in groups is extremely hard for me regardless of the topic, and this topic pretty darn sensitive one.

[specialK103080]

My SO hasn't gone to a support group either. I would really like to go to one and start being active in our new community.... But she is scared of going, seeing people at their different stages that are not looking all that... Passable. 
I know she has a lot of fears and is scared of it....but I think it will be a great thing. There is so,e things I just wouldn't be able to understand so a local support group would be amazing....

[helen2010]

I think that we each have our comfort zones.  We each have our fear of rejection or even worse ridicule.  There really is nothing that can hurt or damage you in going to a support group.  The worse thing that can happen is that you will gain confidence to try new things going forward and it will help you to later come  out to those who you do know and whose acceptance may be more important to you. For the investment of a couple of hours you may also be able to help someone, learn something and gain a new source of support and friendship.

Try it when you can.  I hope that it will be beneficial

Safe travels

Aisla

[JessicaH]

Keep in mind, you don't have to dress femm or put on makeup to go.   If someone there has a problem with that, screw em and find another group. I don't do the group thing but a lot of people do and seem to get a lot out of it.

[Felix]

It's hard to make yourself go but I feel like it's important to at least give it a try. Like Jessica said you shouldn't have to worry about your presentation. When I first checked out a group I was terrified, and I was the only one there using a female name, but it helped me a ton. Just stepping out and stating my identity to other humans in person was amazing.

[Zumbagirl]

I was never a support group person. I used support groups for information I needed. After I went full time I stopped going and haven't been to one since. I tried going to one TS specific support group in Hartford and it was depressing. I would hear stories of nasty divorces, bitter custody battles and all kinds of workplace nastiness. Honestly I want to go jump off a bridge because I didn't deserve to be a happy person.

[FrancisAnn]

I never could get excited about those meetings either. One therapist was upset with me because I did not want to go. Like you I figured it would be a bunch of people just complaing about why they were not pretty & telling us stuff about their wifes & what to do, how to tell her..................... But long long ago I did dress very nice & do "drag" shows at gay bars. I was not gay but it was good to see & talk with the other "girls" & see how they dressed, most were terrible, I dressed just nice as a nice looking woman. That was fun long ago.

[JoanneB]

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
        Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear.

Doing something physical, something involving others, raises feelings that you are somehow different, perhaps TG, to whole new scary level. The feelings are no longer an abstraction, a mental game you can play with. Nope, you are actually going out and doing something about it. Oh-Oh... you mean it is for real! 

Actually, each and every new step into the unknown tends to instil some level of fear. Rightfully so, it is called survival. Fear = risk = possible death. Just the way life is and we are wired for it. Even totally innocent sounding things like picking up a phone to make that needed call, showing up for an open TG group meeting, or even cruising on over to Susan's Place for the first time can provoke that reptilian brain into overdrive.

Have you contacted the group or its moderator to see what their feelings, even rules, are about as far as presentation? Though we have all been there for that first ever and then some, trip out into the real world presenting as the real you, some sort of forget. A lot like grownups forgetting what a hell high school was and what they were really like as kids. Also, do not forget, that others just may feel totally uncomfortable out of fear of a total outsider. Compassion should run both ways.

[Nicodeme]

I have poor luck with support groups because

[Lostkitten]

Don't make it feel so forced. It sounds as if you have to visit a group. As if you have no option. Go to a support group if you feel the need for it and don't, if you don't feel the need. It helps to talk with others in the same situation but then again, everyone lives a different life.

I am rambling. Just do what feels right and don't force yourself.

[Abby Claire]

I understand. Everyone has those thoughts like, "maybe they won't get me", "They're going to be far along and unrelateable to me now", "They're going to be way too girly and hard to relate to", "What if they think I'm weird?", "What if I'm just wrong about all this and I'm putting myself out there too much?" I'm sure everyone had an excuse, and I usually had a few. I was nervous as hell, but it was all worth it. I met people who opened up, shared their experiences, and found that not only did we all share so much in common because of this, but it also made me feel better that (selfishly) my problems were far from the worst. Being transsexual makes you feel like an outsider, even in the LGBT community. The first place you're likely to be accepted and naturally fit in will be a support group with other trans people. Imagine the feeling you got opening up on this forum times ten and that's what it was like going to a support group.

Of course, not everyone has had the best experiences with support groups. The truth is, while I respect every trans person for the courage to go through this, it doesn't mean some of us can't be a-holes or b-----s. Just because you transition doesn't mean you're a saint and know more about the world. Still, you're far more likely to get empathy from those who have gone through it than those who know nothing about it.

[emilyking]

For me, I'm very introverted.  So it's hard for me to join any group.

Unfortunately, for me I'm finding it harder to relate to other transsexuals even before I figured out I have an intersex condition (PAIS). 

Even talking to doctors can be annoying, because they don't really know a lot about it.  At least I'll be going to an endo soon!