I am confused...again.

[PhoenixAsher]

I thought I had it all figured out. I am a transguy. Okay, I can handle that. That's how I feel 99% of the time.

But then there are times like these, times when I find myself {wanting} to dress like a girl. It feels strange in my mind, and the reflection doesn't look like me, but I like it sometimes.

I'm so confused. Most of the time, I have severe dysphoria about my body, but then there are times when I don't...what is wrong with me?

I find myself jealous of my pre-op mtf friends because I think that would be the perfect life- male body who could dress girly as they please.

My mind is everywhere, and I am so confused.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi PhoenixAsher,

Don't stress out about your mood swings. Try and sit back and chill out a bit. This is quite normal to vascilate between genders. Everyones hormone levels wax and wanes throughout the day/week/month, whatever.

Take these moments and analyse them and see what comes out of it. (Hint: Youre looking for some consistency in the outcome or a last of pros and cons) Write these pros and cons down over time and see what the final comfortable results turns out to be.

Keep in touch and let us know how you're coping

Huggs
Catherine

[noah732]

Wow! I was just about to make a post about this.

I'm going through almost the exact same thing it seems. Sometimes I recognize my own face as masculine, other times it's feminine. Some days I've never felt more like myself in a t-shirt and a hoodie, and other days I just feel like a girl in guys' clothes. Some days I don't know how I'll make it through the week without cutting my hair, other days I swear that I've just caught myself admiring the girly and cute things my friends are wearing. And no matter how I interpret myself at any given moment, it is always carrying a heavy reality; that how I feel right now is probably not how things will be in a week, or tomorrow, or even in just a few hours.

I know it's a difficult thing to describe. The switches aren't concrete enough to be labeled as characteristics of bigenderism, but at the same time they seem to be following you everywhere, wrecking your self-identity just when you think you've found some clarity. They are founded by uncertainty and fear and are drowning in the pressures from who I'm expected to be, who I've always been, who I keep saying I am, and who I really am.

PhoenixAsher, I really wish the best to you and how you decide on being in the future. I know it can be frustrating and a little scary when your identity starts to seem to fade into oblivion. Hopefully time will even out our feelings.

Good luck,
Noah.

[suzifrommd]

This confusion goes on with a lot of us. Maybe I can help:

Even if you're a man, you're entitled to be whatever kind of man you want. You can be a man who enjoys wearing dresses from time to time. (There are A LOT of men like that.) There's no rule against a man wearing a dress or girly/cute things, no matter how many people seem to think there is. Gender doesn't dictate presentation or lifestyle.

I know MtFs who drive huge trucks, study martial arts, work construction, and go shooting. That's the sort of women they are.

[Kaelin]

Given there are women who present butch/masculine with various levels of frequency (some very often, some very little), it would only be natural that men would have the same inclinations.  TSs are no exception.

There are factors that move people that transcend gender-labeling.  Most of the clothes I prefer to wear are male-associated, but there are certain dresses (most being satin, a-line/empire, solid colors) that are simply sublime and beat the pants off of a suit any day (at least in my own eyes).  Your own selections may be more than about simply "dressing like a girl."  You may see aesthetic, beauty, or purpose in certain "women's" clothes and certain "men's" clothes, and discovering what those are may tell you more about yourself.

[EDIT: I typo'd hard -- corrections are in blue.]

[DarkPhoenix]

I wouldn't stress about it.  Dress however you like.  Act however you like.  Being trans is not about fitting into stereotypes, it's about how you feel with your body.  If you feel like a man and want to wear a dress, cool.  If you feel like a man and want to wear jeans, cool.  If you don't feel like a man at all, then cool.  It really doesn't matter, just as long as you yourself are comfortable.  You just have to relax and separate society's standards from your own

[Athena]

I wouldn't worry too much about it, I understand that it is fairly common.

Be who you are.