It keeps coming back

[Cin]

Sadly they don't call it gender dysphoria for nothing. As the saying goes, you can run but you cannot hide.

I'm learning it the hard way. Dysphoria is ridiculous sometimes. I've tried running, but I'm starting to accept that fact that I'll never be able to hide

I spent 20 years in denial after I killed off my first attempt at transition, each year I became increasingly miserable. In my mind (never aloud) I would deride the idea of being trans. Never attempted to cross dress. Told myself it was never going to happen. So yeah, I tried my own form of avoidance...hated myself and everything as a result.

Thanks for sharing this part, The idea of being trans too, is kind of hard for me to accept. I was afraid that someone would find it offensive, so I decided not to state this before you did.

Are you seeing a gender therapist Cin? Might be worth chatting to one. Doesn't mean you have to transition or anything, but it will hopefully help you get your bearings.

Same here.

No, Grace, I'm not seeing a gender therapist, part of it is because I fear that I might start thinking too far ahead if I found a therapist (or a friend) who understands me. I just have to hide for now, I'm the midst of something and I have to see it through. After that, I will see a gender therapist sooner or later.

[Cin]

Hi Cin,

You have gotten some great answers here. But I would like to add that the dysphoria will never go away and will only get worse. Even if you could somehow find a way to keep it under control for a while, it will eventually burst through your defenses and bring you into a depression that can lead to some awful places. So I second Ms. Grace's recommendation you see a gender therapist, or at least a therapist who has some experience in gender related issues. You'll be doing yourself a great favor and saving a potential future SO much heartache if you do.

Best wishes.

Ally

Thank you, the option of seeing a gender therapist will open up to me soon (in a few years), and it's something I've always wanted to do.

[goldphantom]

I know its hard Cin but you're doing great. I unfortunately, can't seem to focus on anything that will get me out of my current situation. All I do is focus on my gender. I want to work hard but I can't hold my dysphoria back and it distracts me. I can't transition because I need to move out of my parents home. I just feel stuck.