New member looking for advice

[quin]

Hello, all! First time poster here, so be gentle!

I have some pretty particular questions for the board here that I'm hoping someone will be able to give some advice on. If they've already been answered elsewhere on the board/would be more appropriate under a different board, apologies... but the choice of different forums is pretty large on this site!

I've gone through quite a few years of confusion and self reflection trying to figure myself out. So I guess I'm gay->that doesn't cover what I'm feeling->therapist suggests I'm trans->pushed to be feminine and female->decide that I get to define who I am for myself. It's taken me a lot mental work to get to the point where I actually think I have a handle on this. At this point, I have come to a place where I want to start to be physically closer to my ideal.

Some of what I would like to do is more straightforward. I want to get rid of my beard/stubble permanently. I'm physically male, and I want to do away with many of the outward signs of that. That's the easier part. The harder part is that I also would like to get genital reconstructive surgery to turn my man-parts into lady-parts. As I understand it now... that is more or less impossible to have done unless you convince doctors that you love dresses and dolls and want to erase every bit of masculinity from yourself. I don't.

I ideally want to take male hormones after a surgery. My image of myself really is something between the two genders, and I'm trying to figure out a way that I can get there physically. Any advice would be very appreciated, and thank you all in advance.

[suzifrommd]

First, Quin, welcome to Susan's. I've been here a couple years. Best decision I ever made. Literally.

The harder part is that I also would like to get genital reconstructive surgery to turn my man-parts into lady-parts. As I understand it now... that is more or less impossible to have done unless you convince doctors that you love dresses and dolls and want to erase every bit of masculinity from yourself. I don't.

This is what it was like in the 1970s but things are very different now. Yes, you still have to "live as a woman" for a year, but what that means is defined by you. You can wear jeans and a t-shirt, talk in a deep voice, and play tackle football on the weekends if that's the kind of woman you want to be.

For me, I initially started where you were, but I found I enjoyed the girly activities involved in transition (buying jewelry, clothing, etc.) but that doesn't have to be you.

You're allowed to be whatever kind of woman you want to be.

There are therapists who will sign off on your surgery no matter what you do, and most surgeons don't care - they just want the letters for their files. Many non-binary folks are not completely honest with their therapists about their intentions and their gender until they get the letters. There are, though, a lot of people who recommend actually working things through with a competent therapist.

There's a lot of controversy regarding retaining a masculine presentation and having SRS. I totally understand why someone would want to do that, but there are others at this site, including many of the moderators, who will try to talk you out of it.

I ideally want to take male hormones after a surgery. My image of myself really is something between the two genders, and I'm trying to figure out a way that I can get there physically. Any advice would be very appreciated, and thank you all in advance.

I say go for it if that's how you want to live, but it wouldn't hurt to think it through and make sure that's what you'll want in the long run.

Good luck, and glad to have you here.

[Monkeymel]

As a woman you are allowed to be a tom boy... Dolls n dresses? I spent all my RLE in trousers.

Yes there are a lot of concerns with just going for SRS without "transitioning" or keeping a male outlook. And there are a lot of people who had to fight for many years to get to a point of SRS referal. The main thrust of the RLE is to ensure that physically and psychologically you are up to the surgical / life changing process. But It doesn't mean it is the right path for 100% of people.

Try not to over fantasize what it means to have SRS - there is a lot of things you will need to deal with in your daily life which will remain for many years. Ultimately your psyche will need time to adjust to the changes - probably some form of therapy to help the body adjust. To understand your new genitalia and learn how it works. And there is no (easy) going back. I recently posted a thread about the last few weeks dealing with post op issue. It is worth reading to understand a little of the reality of SRS.

If your therapist is open to the non conformist view point then it is really good to be honest with them. But I can understand why some feel the need to hide true needs. If the Cis lady " Tridevil" can pay to have three breasts constructed instead of two, then clearly some people know best.

Whatever the outcome the most important thing to remember - is that you are happy and relaxed inside - and accept that this is the right change for you - and you are happy with it.
L

[Taka]

genital surgery isn't without risk, so you might want to consider if it's still worth it if you end up with neither penis nor vagina because of complications.

other than that, all i can say is i've read stories about guys who went the whole full transition route in order to get a neo vagina, just to go back on male hormones again after the surgery. i can't be sure of the degree of truth in those stories, but it doesn't seem too wrong in my mind that a guy would want a vagina instead of a penis. i'd rather have both, but that seems kind of impossible for now, no matter which gender one starts out as.

a gender therapist to discuss possibilities with would probably be very good. making decisions only after considering the risks would be wise.
and getting to know yourself... well, it seems some don't get there till after changes have been done. maybe i don't know myself as well as i think either, but that might also be because people can change over time. or it might be because it's not really possible to understand something that one hasn't experienced, and understanding something might also involve understanding that it's different from what you thought it would be like.

anyway. welcome to the unicorn forest!
we don't have any unicorns to lend out at the moment, so i hope you'll be fine with walking.
many interesting creatures here to study at least.

[quin]

Thank you guys for the advice! I'm still doing a lot of thinking here, and am doing my research before I make an decisions that I can't go back on.