Hi brothers and sisters,
well I was trying to find a place to write this and thought of starting a pined post where we could all just vent in. It is peculiar how venting do actually help.
Very sorry for the long post, I really had no idea what I want to write but had the need to vent. ( this post might be deleted when I wake up ).
I have been transitioning for awhile , self accepting and therapy more than a year almost two and HRT for 6 months. It is not an easy journey, filled with a lot of challenges which appears first in my head then else where. I do have the problem of over thinking everything and I mean everything, tho I should say I am a lot better right now comparing to where I was when I started my transition. I am writng this and surprising my self how much I am accepting of who I am and not afraid of saying out loud. There is more than I can handle of things happening around me that will need my full attention but I am no way near dealing with anything for now. I keep procrastinating everything and just set zoning out trying to control things no one really can. I was in a very dark place and I have no idea how I got out but in the end I came to realize that it will take time to transition and I should enjoy the journey not shutting it down ( as one of the crazy thought was I should not transition). I am not happy with where I am right now but I am very happy with where I am heading, those where the worlds which lift me up and went out of the darkest place ever. Through this journey, which is at its very beginning now, I lost friends and family members but I also gained friends and family members. Not sad but sorry for how some people hate what they don't understand and judge people when they haven't had a tiny step in their shoes. No matter how bad I want to change how they think or what they believe in I won't come anywhere near success. After trying and trying harder I felt like I have wasted so much of my time, emotion, and energy which could have been used in better places. Well I learned my lesson I guess. With my birthday coming this weekend I wish I have had made the decision of transitioning long long time ago because I know I will sure be happier person that is who I am to began with, but it wasn't my time to do so then and now it is. I wish no body have to come out and jut be themselves no matter what is that and everyone will be accepting/ supporting. I wish for a lot in my life, a lot that will make my life and everyone else a lot happier. I am the one lucky person out of the 2500 others who didn't have to live this and go through every aspect of the journey which involves losing family and friends, losing yourself, or losing everything to at the end be who you are and stop the lie once and for all. We might share a lot of aspects of our journeys but each and every one of us have this one aspect that hit harder the other, or works better than the other, this one thing that make the journey either a roller coaster ride or a sailing boat ride. At the end, I wish I didn't have to write this.
