My Beautiful Trans Friend

[Celestial]

Hi Guys!

I am new to this all so I am just going to lay whats on my heart out here. I have a beautiful Trans friend (MTF). She's tall and pretty and kind. She is however newish to the whole LGBTIA field and new to being female or "going fulltime" ( I don't mean any disrespect because to me she is a women! But just for clarity's sake). Thing is i'm not sure how to go about her coming out to guys due to some issues we have you can read her blog "clubbing ended on a bad note".  I know she's lonely and just wants to meet someone but i'm that protective friend that doesn't want her to get hurt. She is scared for her safety sometimes and I think that puts me on high alert. We met some guys whilst clubbing and as her topic said it ended  badly. The guy she kissed keeps asking me for her number or to ask her to go for coffee. The day after they kissed he went all insane and asked "she is a girl,right?" a couple times and his friend also harassed me a bit. I took huge offense to this! I really don't trust him but I don't want to seem controlling. I just want her to be happy. I think his going to try and snoop etc and in the end embarrass her or hurt her. But then I could be wrong... He has a really bad one night stand reputation and of hurting and using people. All of this said I don't really know him much more than a couple of pleasantries passed in the class. I want to help her as much as I can and understand everything better. Maybe if I could get your points of view it will help? So my questions are who should you tell, because honestly I don't think its really anyone's business if you don't want to tell anyone. When would be the right time regarding relationships?  I'm not Trans(I am gender queer) and I don't want to rule her life because it may sound like I do, I just want to be able to give advice and understand better so when the time does come she has some support.

I'm keen to hear your responses!

[stephaniec]

the reality is that she's an adult, just ask her how she wants to play it with your advice thrown in for good measure. doesn't sound like such a great guy to date though.

[Auroramarianna]

I agree with Stephanie. It's okay to be protective but I think you need to let her decide what's she wants to do, while still being there for her obviously. I would just like to tell that you are a beautiful friend too, a relic, a jewel! Seriously, you are adorable. It's so sweet to have friends so caring like you

[lemon_ice]

I'm sorry I don't really have any answers for you Celestial, but can I just say that you sound such sweet and amazing friend! I think you're doing all of the right things and asking the right questions, I also think your instincts about actively protecting your friend from those guys is absolutely right too. It sounds like your friend would benefit from some time to get used to being an attractive young female, and some of the dangers that come with. I think being a bit of a bossy boots to her for a while is preferable to her being hurt etc.. Good luck
Claire.

[Celestial]

Thanks guys!

Got me smiling here!!Maybe even blushing a bit!

Yes she is an adult but she doesn't know what she should do with future guys yet. So I kinda asked for the both of us seeing she is sleeping over. I do agree she should decide for herself though. I just want to catch her if she falls. I do believe she will figure it out! Just some outside advice helps shed some light sometimes.

[Auroramarianna]

Thanks guys!

Got me smiling here!!Maybe even blushing a bit!

Yes she is an adult but she doesn't know what she should do with future guys yet. So I kinda asked for the both of us seeing she is sleeping over. I do agree she should decide for herself though. I just want to catch her if she falls. I do believe she will figure it out! Just some outside advice helps shed some light sometimes.

Yes, you are totally justified in being worried with her! What a sweet friend you are still! If anything bad happens, we know you'll be watching out for her that's huge relief!

[ImagineKate]

Stealth vs out is always a touchy topic. I think I can safely say that if most people could be extremely deep stealth with zero risk of being outed they would be. But life does not have absolutes, so the risk of being outed vs the risk of people prejudging you because you are trans is something your friend will have to weigh.

You can likely never hide being trans from your romantic partner... goes both ways. There are people who say they hid it from their partner for many years, really? I would only believe that if they transitioned as child. People also say they forget they are trans. Sorry I cannot believe that either, especially for pre-ops. You're taking hormones, you don't have a period and if you're pre-op you still have your little friend down there. Post ops still have post op care and things like that. What may happen is that it doesn't preoccupy your life rather than dealing with dysphoria, and that makes more sense. So with that in mind your friend may have to be prepared to come out to or be outed to a partner sooner or later. When, is up to them.

Best of luck to your friend and I think it is awesome that you care for her.

[Joanna Dark]

You should disclose somewhere between the first and third date. But not the first meeting. However, she should not kiss or anything like that, IMO. As long as it's friendly and not intimate, there's no reason to disclose right away. If she wants more, she should, if nothing else than for her own safety. I'm not just saying this stuff; I live it day in, day out.

[Jessica Merriman]

You should disclose somewhere between the first and third date. But not the first meeting. However, she should not kiss or anything like that, IMO. As long as it's friendly and not intimate, there's no reason to disclose right away. If she wants more, she should, if nothing else than for her own safety. I'm not just saying this stuff; I live it day in, day out.

Totally agree with this 100%!! 

My exact philosophy also.