enter the strange one

[jonjon]

Hello, guys... And gals!!

This has to be about the third time ive attempted to make a post now and I just really don't know where to start! So how about the obvious. I'm ftm, you may have seen me wandering about the ftm section. I'm happy with my life decisions and who I am. I'm currently part way through my lower surgery and so far could not be happier!!

So, ya'll wondering why I'm in this section. Lost? Well I do feel a bit lost at times. For as long as I can remember crossdressing has been something I've wanted to explore. However my previous setbacks was that I was already a natural bodied female. Well, where's the fun in that? Where's the excitement? Dressing in women's clothes back then felt odd and I hated it. That was before I discovered I was trans. Throughout my journey, crossdressing still sat on my mind. But I've been really put off it for a few reasons. A, I don't want to put a dress on and everyone tag me as a girl. I'm not. I want to put a dress on and i want to be a guy in a dress. This one has to be the hardest to explain. I've never found the right words. I think the closest I can get to how I want to feel is that I still want to be a physical male, but at the same time make a really good looking girl when I want to!! I think what I battle with hugely is being able to have that ultimate confidence in myself that I know I'm a guy, while I'm sat in women's clothing. But when you battle with gender dysphoria, that's when it gets complicated and difficult to deal with personally. And B, my height. I'm 4ft 11'. Most if not all crossdressers/drag queens are amazingly tall and perfectly built. I'm just a scrawny half pint and that's a major off putter for me to want to pursue this desire.

So as you can see, I have a little bit of a dilemma. If I was born male, there wouldn't really be a problem much. I'm sure I'd have dived in to this scene a hell of a long time ago!!! Is it weird that I have this desire, given my background that I'm already trans? I feel like my brain just wants to confuse the crap out of me for feeling this way, like it's laughing at me and watching me get in pickle about it.

I watch RuPauls drag race all the time and I get such a buzz from it! I always imagine myself being there, and what I would do in the challenges and how I would do them.

I think I want to treat this like I did my trans now. When I had feelings I couldn't make go away, eventually I did something about it, and best decision of my life! Now, the crossdressing thing is similar, the feelings and desires are there no matter how hard I try to ignore them. Maybe now it's about making that first step and figuring out how and where do I start?

[helen2010]

Hello, guys... And gals!!

This has to be about the third time ive attempted to make a post now and I just really don't know where to start! So how about the obvious. I'm ftm, you may have seen me wandering about the ftm section. I'm happy with my life decisions and who I am. I'm currently part way through my lower surgery and so far could not be happier!!

So, ya'll wondering why I'm in this section. Lost? Well I do feel a bit lost at times. For as long as I can remember crossdressing has been something I've wanted to explore. However my previous setbacks was that I was already a natural bodied female. Well, where's the fun in that? Where's the excitement? Dressing in women's clothes back then felt odd and I hated it. That was before I discovered I was trans. Throughout my journey, crossdressing still sat on my mind. But I've been really put off it for a few reasons. A, I don't want to put a dress on and everyone tag me as a girl. I'm not. I want to put a dress on and i want to be a guy in a dress. This one has to be the hardest to explain. I've never found the right words. I think the closest I can get to how I want to feel is that I still want to be a physical male, but at the same time make a really good looking girl when I want to!!. And B, my height. I'm 4ft 11'. Most if not all crossdressers/drag queens are amazingly tall and perfectly built. I'm just a scrawny half pint and that's a major off putter for me to want to pursue this desire.

So as you can see, I have a little bit of a dilemma. If I was born male, there wouldn't really be a problem much. I'm sure I'd have dived in to this scene a hell of a long time ago!!! Is it weird that I have this desire, given my background that I'm already trans? I feel like my brain just wants to confuse the crap out of me for feeling this way, like it's laughing at me and watching me get in pickle about it.

I think I want to treat this like I did my trans now. When I had feelings I couldn't make go away, eventually I did something about it, and best decision of my life! Now, the crossdressing thing is similar, the feelings and desires are there no matter how hard I try to ignore them. Maybe now it's about making that first step and figuring out how and where do I start?

JJ

I don't think that there is anything odd and I think you already know what makes sense.  Cross dress, enjoy.  You will probably pass as a good looking woman.  You will feel happy and you can then work out what this means and how you wish to go forward.  Your gender identity is unique to you.  There is no rule that says you need to be binary or non binary.  Just be yourself, express yourself and accept yourself.
Safe travels
Aisla

[Adam (birkin)]

If I were you I would just go for it man! You know you are a man, and there's nothing wrong with wearing female clothes sometimes if it makes you happy. I would just buy something you like and go from there.

[gennee]

Hi JonJon. I started crossdressing over nine years ago at age 57. I'm 66 now and have never been happier. However you feel you want to dress, go for it. Once you do it and keep at it your confidence will grow.

[jonjon]

Thanks for all the positive replies

I found an old thread on here from another ftm, so thankful I'm not the only one that's a bit backwards! Lol

How do you make that first move? As silly as it sounds, I still feel nervous about that first purchase, whatever it may be. I thought about buying online, but I'm really picky and just can't see anything I like. But I'm thinking about having a look around the charity shops later today and see if there's anything cheap to start me off. I bought a pair of tights a few month back for a costume I'm making and i found that really embarrassing! But the lady who sold me them was very kind and lovely

[NathanielM]

I think your already on the right track because you're accepting this part of yourself. I'm nowhere near that far in my transition but I kind of feel the same way about crossdressing. I'm hoping I'll get to a point where I'm comfortable enough with my physical appearance to try it out. I've actually kept one or two things from before that I just couldn't part with, I like them just not on my current body.
I don't know how you would start buying stuff but I guess it can't be that much different from going out to buy stuff from the mens section for the first time for us (except it is more accepted for a perceived girl to buy male clothing). From what I hear from transfeminine people in my supportgroup people pay way less attention to you then you think! What they often do is take another girl/lady shopping with them, that way they feel less like they're being watched, maybe it's an option for you to take a female friend/familymember with you?