It's great to be back here

[suzifrommd]

Don't get me wrong, I love being a woman. I love my female body, I love when people call me girl (as in "you go girl", "hang in here, girl", etc.) and I love that the world sees me as a woman.

But since my SRS, I've felt free to embrace my male side. It's no longer something I want to erase from my being. I allow myself to acknowledge some of my male motivations, inclinations, and feelings. I'm becoming comfortable once more to think of myself as non-binary.

For the past couple years, while I was concentrating full-bore on my transition, I've spent most of my time in the MtF and transition parts of the forum. Those places are different. I remember remarking when I first started transitioning that the non-binary parts of Susan's are like a "Cool Aunt" who tells you it's OK to be whoever you are. In contrast, the MtF and transition parts are like a "Drill Sergeant" who is trying to shock you into taking your presentation, medical treatment, etc. all seriously. I mean, it's understandable. There's serious business there, about how to protect yourself from being clocked and harassed or injured, choosing the right surgeon so you don't end up being disfigured, keeping up with aftercare, and a million other details. Perhaps during those periods we need a drill sergeant to get us focused.

But it's really great to be back here.

I'm not sure why I'm relishing being non-binary now. It might be that I was intent on proving to myself that I was really "female enough" to justify calling myself a woman and "trans enough" to justify SRS. Now that I have SRS (and I'm really happy with my new body shape) I'm comfortable enough to nurture both sides of my gender.

I'm curious. Has anyone else felt this – that you become more comfortable with being non-binary post-transition?

[EchelonHunt]

I have not finished transitioning but I suspect when I finish achieving my goal of turning my body to one that is genderless (or the very least, something close to it), I will join you in the comfortable feeling post-transition.

Welcome back to the non-binary section! 

[Dread_Faery]

Yes they are a bit like a bunch of drill sergeants... They used to wind me up when I was transitioning and they wind me up now. But bless their enthusiasm 

[Satinjoy]

Since my transition is defined as hormonal non surgical, and since I love the new body I have been given, the answer for you dear is for me it is yes, and yes emphatically.

The difference is I never wanted the eraser, and got lucky with a shrink that did not let that stop hormone treatment.  I just want to be authentic.

And I have close mtf friends that are at the far end of the binary.

Blessings and love my dear.

Satinjoy

[Jessica Merriman]

Yes they are a bit like a bunch of drill sergeants

[Dread_Faery]

It's not an attack, merely an observation. Even when I identified as binary i felt ill at ease with how many women, both trans and cis, enforce notions of femininity on others.

[Sammy]

Welcome back, suzi It is good to have You around and yes, indeed, a lot of stuff which I read on MtF parts... ahem.
Anyway, I am quite curious about that state of "non-binary post-transition", cause I would really enjoy being enlightened about what could be done to make my transition "post"... Atm, this seems like another never ending story, mostly because there is no roadmap, well. maybe there is not even a single road either, but a web of countless possibilities... I dunno, sometimes I feel like I am stuck without apparent knowledge how to proceed - and then I am very jealous of MtF members, because they have clear set goals and tools how to achieve them. I lack both and it seems at times like catching a black cat in a dark room without being 100% sure that kitteh is even there. Yet, it is quite fun. Mostly. When it is not - it is like falling into the mouth of bottomless black chasm. Maybe the next moment after I am hitting its bottom is "post" transition? Maybe, but I do hope it is not.

[helen2010]

Suzi

Welcome back to the forest.   Your journey does not seem to be that unusual as there does seem to be a number of NB folk who transitioned MTF before moving back to NB albeit in a F body.

Fortunately I have managed to avoid the physical, emotional and social trauma that such a transition would have caused me.   While rushing headlong MTF, I realised that I was NB.  In fact the whole performance to present as female enough or to pass was a major turnoff.  Swapping one rigid gender role for another felt very uncomfortable indeed.  I therefore transitioned MTNB rather than via the more circuitous MTFTNB route.   

The diversity of NB is a very good thing and my journey has been surprising and brought me to a very good place.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Satinjoy]

I am really glad you are here.  Sometimes I feel like I stick out, female presenting on forum.  It just calms me down that you are here.

SJ/Satinjoy

[suzifrommd]

Anyway, I am quite curious about that state of "non-binary post-transition", cause I would really enjoy being enlightened about what could be done to make my transition "post".

I can't speak much about your transition.

For me it was simple. It's been a lifelong dream of mine to be a woman. So transition meant for me to become a woman in whatever way I could.

Being non-binary in no way precluded doing this. We're allowed to transition to whatever presentation we're most comfortable with. We're not condemned to sit on the sidelines cheering on binary folk as they become the person they've always wanted to be.

The male parts of my identity seemed (up until now) content to remain quiet. Now, though, I'm discovering some interest in letting my close friends know that deep down I am and feel, in some ways, male. That in no way changes my interest in being seen first and foremost a female. I refuse to accept the notion that having an identity that is part male makes me "less of a woman".

I hope all that makes more sense to you than it does to me.

[Taka]

no, it makes sense. kind of.
i consider myself primarily male, even though i definitely have a lot more in me than just that.
i'd have bigger trouble with a full transition though, male parts are a little difficulter to build.
and i'm not even sure i'd want to wear them at all times.
doesn't make me less of a man. not at all. i've kind of accepted that i am fully male, just a whole lot other as well.
a person can be more than 100% is what i concluded once. the male and female scales are two scales, not one, and a person could be anything from 0-100% on either one of them. 90% male and 60% female. maybe 30% of something else.
"normal" logic doesn't work on non-binary. the values are more than two.

[helen2010]

no, it makes sense. kind of.
i consider myself primarily male, even though i definitely have a lot more in me than just that.
i'd have bigger trouble with a full transition though, male parts are a little difficulter to build.
and i'm not even sure i'd want to wear them at all times.
doesn't make me less of a man. not at all. i've kind of accepted that i am fully male, just a whole lot other as well.
a person can be more than 100% is what i concluded once. the male and female scales are two scales, not one, and a person could be anything from 0-100% on either one of them. 90% male and 60% female. maybe 30% of something else.
"normal" logic doesn't work on non-binary. the values are more than two.

Taka/Suzi

This NB thing is definitely not a rigid or tightly defined category.  I like 29A but it was already taken!  I also really like the identity m2me but suspect that this is in some ways too general, in the sense that all transitions, binary or otherwise, would ideally fall under this category.

Going from a dysphoric M,  trying to be a 100%alpha male 100% of the time, to someone who seems to move between 60/40 F/M and 40/60 M/F feels about right.  For me, this has been less about presentation, than about my core identity and expressing myself authentically.  Presentation is part of this but as a NB nuance appears to be enough at this stage of my journey.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Taka]

29A has been mine for a ling time, i just didn't realize that was also a definition of gender. didn't mean to steal anything, but it seems like a gender definition that can easily be shared. i have an internet adopted child who also shares this gender, and they owned it even long before me.

i'm quite serious about the two scales. inside this really is truth to me. this doesn't mean i will try to reflect absolutely all of it on the outside, the body is only one and i'll have to choose according to what i find out is right for me. it could be that the presentation feels good at 60/40.