Hey all,
Before anything let me say that I'm not looking for any advice or compassion on this subject... I'm just truly curious as if to this happened to others too... This can get a little long, so let me get to it, hehe:
Up until the beginning of the year / end of the year previous... I had been a loner... Yeah I'd had friends, yeah I'd been quite popular long before that... But after having lost my job and never really managing to entangle in many 'real' friendships I'd ended up alone... Too scared to leave the house, years on end I'd been locked in my room living exclusively on the internet. (Yes, I made some money on the side to survive this time.. Odd IT jobs, and well... I won't deny that I made some money over webcam too....)
In any case... Round December 2013 I got in contact with a friend of a friend, who I'd actually got on quite well with years ago when we met... And I'll admit she helped me a lot... Thanks to her I met a lot of people, I regained the confidence to leave the house, and even though it took a couple of months of negativity I started to become 'normal' again... I knew loads of people, I was never alone, I was always out, and I had plenty of fun... I even stopped being scared of guys, to the point I even got intimate with one or two... And to be honest I saw her as my best friend from that moment on.
BUT... Round June I started noticing things.... Double standards, strange or nonsensical excuses to not meet up from her... And well, I just sensed something was wrong. - It got to a point that I ended up having to ask a friend in common what was going on.... And seeing as she was mad at her at the time, well.. A lot of things came to light... Apparently my best-friend, the one who'd helped me get to where I was socially then and there... She saw me as a man, and said she wanted to take advantage of me as much as she could until I realized she didn't like me, and she was embarrassed to be with me... As you can imagine, I was heartbroken... A while later this friend in common told me she felt bad for telling me those things... Not for me but for being a traitor to her friendship with 'her'... Alas, I ended up confronting my supposed best-friend.... She said it was true, but she no longer felt like that... She had started to understand my situation, and she understood that I was lesbian (I'm bi.... But whatever.) etc.... Well, I decided to give her another chance...
August arrived, and with it... HRT. This is when the '6th sense' began.... Yes I had notice things that had bothered me and caused lack of trust in the past... But it's as if with Estrogen I'd become a lot more sensitive and aware of bull->-bleeped-<-. More than one friend has said that they don't want to hang around me when I'm down coz I bring them down with me.... That starts making me wonder if they truly are real friends... Then, with my 'best-friend' who supposedly had 'changed'.... Well.... She always keeps a distance between me and her, which isn't so much with others... I mean if we sit down we're always on opposite sides of the group... She kinda inspired me to go topless a few weeks go coz I only had a push-up bra and I didn't want it to get wet... Yet she is incapable of going topless in front of me, yet I've seen CIS MALES grab her boobs a lot of times, and in front of me.... Ex-cuh-use me? No I have zero intention of seeing her breasts, but it's clear she doesn't trust me as much as she expects me to (and I did up until recently...) I've also got quite popular with guys... And in the morning, after having a guy sleep the night... He said in the morning to me "Up until last night I had never realized you're trans..." Guess what my friend said when I told her? "Pft! He must be blind...."
I've got to a point that I'm tired of this BS... I've deleted my WhatsApp and have decided to stop meeting / talking to my group of friends... Not sure if I'm being over-sensitive, but I think it's just got to a point where I can see right through people's lie... Been locked up at home for 2 weeks since all the realizations, and I'm kinda scared I'm going back to my secluded nature.... I really do think I was never meant to step foot in the 'real world'.... Just hope I'm strong enough to find new people and move on, instead of falling back again.)
Did anything similar happen to you peeps when you started E?
