Hello c:
I'm not really good at these introductions as I can tend to either make them too long, too short, or just start to ramble *nervous laugh*...
I was born as a male, and my earliest memories were not necessarily being uncomfortable with my body, but curiosity. I knew the way I felt, and quickly recognized differences between both genders. The way I was, thought, and felt eventually made me feel uncomfortable enough to grow my hair out. When 4th grade rolled around, my hair was past my shoulders, voice high, and an androgynous face that made me look female with long hair. I began presenting as Female all the way through 5th and 6th grade with a few close calls, but was never called out (even by teachers). I remember my parents getting calls from my friends mothers asking if it was alright that I'd go to all girl sleepovers (which my parents wouldn't let me do). I remember discussing once with my mother that I wanted to be female, to which she responded with silence.
Once 7th grade started, the beginning of Junior High and locker rooms were unavoidable, I quickly spiraled down hill emotionally. I couldn't keep up appearances with how often Boys and Girls were separated in some activities. The spiral continued all the way to the end of High School. Thankfully I was never picked on or bullied by those I had been in Elementary School with, but I was only further forced into self loathing when people gave up on trying to help me through school. Promises of helping someone who was struggling were said at the beginning of the year, and through it, but I never seemed to get anyone's attention even though I had more F's than all of my other grades combined. I couldn't bring myself to ask for help, even though I wanted help, but I didn't see a point because I was living in a male body that I couldn't feel comfortable with. The fact that no one, Teachers, Councilors, or my parents, attempted to help me made me feel like I wasn't worth the trouble.
After High School years, I couldn't really keep a job because I was just too unmotivated to show up, had a couple close calls with suicidal thoughts, but there was still enough hope for something, anything to happen. The thought of transitioning would pop in my head a lot, and it wasn't until about 5 years ago that I started to consider actually going through with it. Society has had its ups and downs regarding anything LGBT related, but views started becoming more positive which made me bold enough to start looking into transitioning. I told a few very close friends that transitioning was something I decided I would do. All I had to do was find the job that I would feel most comfortable with.
And I did! It took forever, but being financially able to support myself while transitioning was something that I needed. I had gone back and forth over doing this so many times I thought my head was going to explode. So I looked around online for Therapists that specialized in transgenders, and found one that I've now been with for 6 months now, and I'm happy with my choice. She's was able to help me with giving me tools, and advice to combat how negative I was feeling over transitioning woe's, and life in general. I still have a very long way to go, but I'm feeling better emotionally now than I had been when I first started Junior High. I'm 25 now, so after over a decade of feeling so terrible, I've come a long way in a shorter period of time than I imagined.
I was able to come out to everyone at my job just this August, which was something I couldn't even dream of in the past. Everyone was supportive of my decision, and I'm not being treated any differently after telling them. Some have even started talking to me a bit more, which makes me feel a lot more comfortable about being able to transition where I work.
After having told them, my Therapist referred me to one of the leading doctors in Minnesota that deal with transgenders. After meeting the doctor, she prescribed me both T Blockers and Estrogen, which was interesting to me since I heard that people usually get started on them at separate times, but this helps speed up the process I suppose. So I've only been on these for a week, and I'm so happy I was able to have the courage to get started on these.
My Therapist suggested a couple of times to join a community that has/is gone/going through with this, but I'm a shy, scared introvert so I have some problems getting myself out there. Even on the internet it's difficult, but I figure it's better to start now than later down the road. I've heard mention of this forum several times, and had come across a few threads while searching for answers to questions that were part of this forum, so I just decided this would be one of the better communities to join. Now I just hope I can be active!
So, that's pretty much a quick summery of how I got to where I am today. I still have a long, good journey ahead of me. Thanks for reading! ♥
`Alice
