Don't you love it when your friends slip and misgender you in public?

[Julia-Madrid]

Hey everyone, we've all had the cringeworthy feeling when we're out with our friends and they misgender us by mistake in front of total strangers. 

     Today's example, shoe-shopping with a friend who fancies herself as my fashion consultant, to the store attendant: 
     Yvonne: "He, er, she's looking for some mid-season ankle boots..."

     Last week, in a restaurant:
     Waiter: "Who still needs to order?"
     Helena (Loudly and pointing most clearly):  "Him!" 

Oh, this needs the patience of a saint, and the good humour of a St Bernard.     I normally smile benignly, remind them gently that I'm most definitely a girl now, and then charge them €1 per slip 

How do you feel about being misgendered in public by your friends, and how do you react to it?

Hugs as always
Julia

[Christy]

I haven't been out long enough for that to happen yet. I could see how embarrassing it would be. If it's anything like the first time the neighborhood kids saw me in a skirt I can imagine it would not be all that pleasant. I hope your friends learn before they empty their life savings to you.  

[MugwortPsychonaut]

I have a few friends who never make this mistake, and I have others who do it all the damn time. It's embarrassing, but it is genuinely an accident. I usually give them a look with a playful and confused, "He?" Then they apologize and gender me correctly. I like your idea of getting money out of it. I'm gonna have to take that up.

[MugwortPsychonaut]

PS: You're adorable! And you look so damn passable!

[Julia-Madrid]

PS: You're adorable! And you look so damn passable!

Thank you darling 

[Jenna Marie]

I used to be mortified and miserable, and I'm sure it showed on my face.  Eventually, the occurrences tapered off...

And the last time it happened, a year or so ago now, the salesclerk said "Oh, I only saw this young lady, where's your son?" (Yes, it was my father who did it, grrrr.) At which point I decided that was going to be my approach no matter what - THEY made a mistake, let THEM be embarrassed.   I have since seen cis people misgendered by a slip of the tongue or assumptions about presentation, so it does happen sometimes that the person doing the gendering is wrong, and the people listening know that.

[Ms Grace]

Fortunately it hasn't happened with friends, but it has happened in a work context. I just ask "who?" which good naturedly calls them out, forces them to correct themselves and apologise (without demanding it!) and embarrasses them. Works really well. I got that idea from a dream!

[mac1]

Since I am compelled to present in male mode I would enjoy looking such that I was misgendered as female.

[Julia-Madrid]

... if you now add lingustic nuances to all of this, it gets quite surreal:

I took a long weekend away in the north of Spain a few weeks ago with a Portuguese girlfriend, and because I was driving, she phoned ahead and confirmed hotels and restaurants, and a few times she use the Spanish word "nosotros", which is "we" in the masculine, meaning that at least one of us needed to be male.  I mean, steady on, don't prepare them for everything they don't need to know!!

Now, a Spanish woman would never make that mistake, but it's a perfectly understandable bit of linguistic confusion:  in Portuguese, "we" is "nós", which is genderless, and in Spanish, in a hypothetical genderless situatuation, you'd use the masculine by default. 

Sometimes it would be really nice to BE genderless!!   (But I like women's shoes waaaay too much for this to be a reality, ha!)

[Alice Rogers]

All my friends are brilliant, however my dad does it so often I am convinced it is deliberate, but every time I pick him up on it he apologises in what seems like a sincere manner.

I feel bad to suspect him of being deceitful and more than a little hurt because I think I am right.....

[Mariah]

I use this same technique with my disabled mom, who I take care of. I know it isn't done intentionally, but it helps her with her bad memory as well.

Fortunately it hasn't happened with friends, but it has happened in a work context. I just ask "who?" which good naturedly calls them out, forces them to correct themselves and apologise (without demanding it!) and embarrasses them. Works really well. I got that idea from a dream!

[antonia]

I love it when my friends call me Antonio in public, even considered changing my name because of it :p

[Jill F]

I cut everyone some slack for the first year.   I'm guessing it's hard for some people to wrap their heads around the fact that someone they knew for years as a guy is suddenly a girl.  The good news is that it hasn't happened to me in months.  The next time it happens I will probably misgender the offender right back.

[Amathy]

My friends are trying really hard but my voice is so hard pitched I understand why it is hard for them.  Its sort of funny because they'll be talking and using the wrong pronouns and they will switch mid sentence.