Hi! I'm really happy that I found this forum. I just need someone to talk and share the experience of being in a relationship with a transgender. I'm so confused and sometimes depressed. I feel like I don't have someone to talk because I don't think my friends will truly understand what I'm going through. And I don't want to bother my partner with all these confusing thoughts that I'm having because I think he's already dealing with a lot of other stuff.
I'll refer to 'her' sometimes, but I know that the person who I love is a boy.
So that's my/our history: we met 7 years ago (we were 17 years old) and since then we are together. We were a typical lesbian couple and she was the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen. It was kind of love at the first sight. We started dating and since then we haven't missed a day without speaking to each other. We started to live together for almost one year and a half ago. We've been through a lot together, we had evolved a lot, we have built a life together. So now finally we have a stable life with good jobs, a nice house and It was feeling so good.
She started therapy one year ago because of some issues at work (she couldn't focus at work) and she was diagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). So finally she could start her treatment and felt a lot better at work and school.
After that she continued with the therapy and she was able to accept that she is not a girl. She was able to accept that a lot of disorders during her life was because her's dysphoria. And since then we have realized that I have a boyfriend.
I couldn't understand it when he first told me. It was so weird because I haven't ever suspected about it in so many time. He was the girlie one always playing with skirts and dresses and make-up. Well, I know about gender stereotypes and I really try to not reinforce it but sometimes it's hard to just ignore it.
I was shocked with this notice. I cried for two weeks and started to think that he was just confused. I started to deny it. I started to desire the day that he would tell me 'sorry babe, It was just a confusing moment' and we would move on with our perfect life.
As you suspect he wasn't confused. He just came out to his family and friends last week and now it's official.
I'm so happy for him because I already can see the difference. It seems like he finally have found himself, he finally have found his path. And it's great to see the person you love so happy like this.
On the other hand I'm so confused. The worse thing for me is to think that we can break up because of it.
I really don't now how to have a life without him. We are the strength of each other, we are the safe place of each other. But I'm not sure about what is coming. I'm not sure if he'll be the same person with the same desires, I'm not sure if we'll still have the same sexual attraction. I'm not sure if it's good to him to stay with the same person or if it's better to have experiences with people that will not remember about his past...
It hurts a lot when I think about breaking up. I've always identified as a lesbian and I'm not sure if I'll feel comfortable with the man body, the beard... I just feel like I'm already feeling different when I see him with boy's clothes and his binders. And it's worse for me when I see him with some girl clothes that he didn't throw away yet... Also I don't feel comfortable being identified as straight when I go out.
The thing is that I'm suffering a lot, I just can't sleep anymore because all of these concerns... I'm not able to work well, I can't study, I can't focus... I just can't stop thinking about it. I hope I can find some people who's going through the same to talk with.
Sorry for the typos, my English is not that good. Thank you for reading.
