Sexuality / Sex drive

[Gothic Dandy]

For my entire life (as a female), I've been more or less asexual. I have no aversion to sex--I actually think it's pretty wonderful, in theory--and as you can see, I'm quite open with talking about it in public, I just don't desire sexual relations with other people. My husband is an obvious exception, but he's the only person I've ever been sexually attracted to, and even with him our emotional connection is more important than our physical connection to me.

I feel the same way when I think of myself as non-binary, which is where my current transition is taking me. However, because I'm new to this, I still sometimes toss the idea of going fully FTM around in my head.

When I think of myself as a man, I'm a total horndog. When I picture my future self as a man in my head, he, uh, gets around. Trying not to use offensive words here...

I don't think it's about sex play or erotic fantasies or anything. I feel a sense of power accompany it, like there's a reserve of it within me that I never noticed before. But, hey, maybe I don't know myself as well as I think, maybe it is just a fantasy. How can I tell?

It's amusing and confusing at the same time. What does it mean? Is this supposed to be proof that I'm suppressing my true/male self? What if I was a-/demi-sexual my whole life because I had the wrong body parts? :/

How common is it for your sex drive to change when you begin transitioning? I'm not talking about the effects of HRT, only the act or thought of transitioning to your authentic gender.

[EchelonHunt]

In terms of transitioning to your authentic gender, it may improve the physical intimacy and sexual experience during sex with your husband.

Thinking yourself as a man, being a horndog, I can relate... HRT has made me have endless thrilling fantasies that has made me think, "Oh god, I'm a horndog." but due to being asexual, I had no interest in pursuing someone in a sexual manner. Eventually, once the HRT effects settled down to a more normal state, my sex drive shifted from high back to low.

But don't take my word for it. XD I was asexual pre-HRT, I never experienced sexual attraction to anyone and on HRT, still asexual, just more fantasies (aka more masturbation) but no sexual attraction to anyone has grown.

As for suppressing your male self and whether you may have been demisexual your whole life or not, only you can know that. I once thought I was demisexual because I had dated someone online for four years and only when I met them in real life, that I began to experience an emotional connection to them, whereas they had gained emotional and sexual attraction to me in the first year we dated online. But since I did not experience sexual attraction at all, the label of demisexual didn't quite fit me. Since you have a strong emotional connection to your husband and if you experienced sexual attraction after that, then yes, that does sound like the defintion of being demisexual but once again, only you can know for sure. 

[Taka]

it might also be that you're an asexual person without any aversion to sex. which makes sex a great thing to do for your husband, just like cooking a nice meal. unless your attraction is of the type that you want him in bed just as much as he wants you, that would make you demisexual.

i'm kind of demisexual myself, in the sense that sexual attraction can start from a strong emotional bond that came first. and i don't act on sexual attraction without that bond. i don't expect this to change even if i go on hrt, but if i could be a man fully and wholly for a day or a week, maybe i'd want to make exceptions. but that would be more of living a dream that i know has to end...

you'll know for sure that your body wants to be male when you try touching something which isn't there, during those fantasies.
or when you wake up in the morning and freak out over its absence until you remember it wasn't there to begin with.

actually, you can know even without those signs. just do what feels right to the extent that you could imagine living it for the rest of your life even with the limitations of medical treatment.

[Emmaline]

When I think of myself as a man, I'm a total horndog. When I picture my future self as a man in my head, he, uh, gets around. Trying not to use offensive words here...

I feel this way these days, when I really feel female, my libido goes up to eleven and I imagine myself quite being promiscuous, adventurous and forward if I was single.  It is like a miner hitting a gold vein.

[goldphantom]

I am not really sure if I am asexual but I don't really consider myself that. I have had sexual attraction to only one person and it was just one day. I do recommend that you drop the asexual label and let yourself be you. For me I think I have to have a deep emotional connection to someone.

I heard about a transwoman who was on HRT and stopped because she was becoming attracted to men. She never was before and It scared her. Homophobia is a strong force in men even if your not really a man.

Embrace your thoughts and fantasies. Perhaps you will realize that they are just fantasies or maybe you will discover a part of yourself you didn't know was there. After all, what we want most is to find who we really are, right?

[pianoforte]

Well I have definitely been feeling a lot more sexual lately since I have sorta "embraced my masculine side." I thought it was just my birth control's sex drive side effects wearing off, but... hm.

There's also plenty of social norms telling us that men should be players and women should be asexual except for their husbands... and even when we don't like admitting it, those norms can influence our thinking.

I also wonder if you might be a writer, RP'er or other creative person with an interest in characters. Thinking about your own identity, who you are, who you want to be, can mirror the process of designing a character for a story. Except in this case it's your life story. (since you rightly should be in charge of your life story and who you are, I want to be clear that I don't mean that this makes your feelings inaccurate or wrong -- I think it's a perfectly legit way to explore your identity)

[Gothic Dandy]

I think I confused some of you; I was using asexual/demisexual as an umbrella for myself, since I was asexual before meeting my husband and demi afterwards. I'm really sorry about that.

I feel this way these days, when I really feel female, my libido goes up to eleven and I imagine myself quite being promiscuous, adventurous and forward if I was single.  It is like a miner hitting a gold vein.

Yeah, it's like I do a 180. It's so foreign to me, a little fascinating and scary at the same time. I didn't know such a thing was within me.

Pianoforte, I actually am a creative type with a background in RP. I know what you mean.

I don't think I'd let myself be influenced by the player stereotype since I don't respect men who are like that (I mean pick-up artists, the ones who seduce girls and try to bed them against their wishes).

[captains]

For my entire life (as a female), I've been more or less asexual. I have no aversion to sex--I actually think it's pretty wonderful, in theory--and as you can see, I'm quite open with talking about it in public, I just don't desire sexual relations with other people. My husband is an obvious exception, but he's the only person I've ever been sexually attracted to, and even with him our emotional connection is more important than our physical connection to me.

I feel the same way when I think of myself as non-binary, which is where my current transition is taking me. However, because I'm new to this, I still sometimes toss the idea of going fully FTM around in my head.

When I think of myself as a man, I'm a total horndog. When I picture my future self as a man in my head, he, uh, gets around. Trying not to use offensive words here...

I don't think it's about sex play or erotic fantasies or anything. I feel a sense of power accompany it, like there's a reserve of it within me that I never noticed before. But, hey, maybe I don't know myself as well as I think, maybe it is just a fantasy. How can I tell?

It's amusing and confusing at the same time. What does it mean? Is this supposed to be proof that I'm suppressing my true/male self? What if I was a-/demi-sexual my whole life because I had the wrong body parts? :/

How common is it for your sex drive to change when you begin transitioning? I'm not talking about the effects of HRT, only the act or thought of transitioning to your authentic gender.

This is some realness, dude. I ain't just sorta ace, I'm pretty sex-repulsed, and not in a traditionally or obviously trans way. Thinking about sex "as a woman" is 90% turn off and 10% discomfort. When I think about myself-as-a-guy, though? Uhh, some switch gets flipped. I don't even know what's up, but I do think it's kind of funny.

[Natkat]

I think many people who take testrorone gets a higher libedo and by that often more sexual.
Many also feel they became more sexual when they can express there true self, and feel confortable in there body in contrast with those who feel body dyshoria and that they cant be themself.

I have always been pretty sexual but I feel the homone thing and surgery made my sexdrive higher and also made me more confortable with having sex, my sexuality havent changed much as far I know, I have heard some which have but I dont think its a trans thing more a thing of either people getting more true to themself and by that can experimenting or get to other conclusions or that they like cisgender simple are able to change sexuality over time.

I cant say whenever you would be more or less asexual I dont think you should worry about it
if it turn out you wont be or be it would be fine, a friend of mine once identified as asexual but then she wasnt anymore, its okay, she can still suport the activism and be an ally.