clubbing ended on a bad note

[melanie maritz]

So  me and four friends went clubbing on Tuesday night ( it was heritage day, a public holiday in SA). So first we went to Aqua , a gay club. I've been there before and it was fun. I felt very concious and couldn't relax so I started drinking to loosen up. I started to relax and have fun. After a few hours we decided to go to another club, not a gay club.

I was feeling lonely and I wanted to make out with someone (I know that sounds baaad). We just arrived at the other club, still standing outside when my friend (lets call her C) is greeted by two guys she knows from university. The one then asks me if I think his friend is handsome, I said yes I do. Then he asked me if I wanted to go home with him, and I said yes again, (I didn't actually want to but I was hoping we could start kissing).

So the guy came towards me and hugged me and started kissing me.  I kissed him back and I was enjoying it, but then he started pulling me to his car and C freaked out saying we have to go now.  we kissed some more for a few seconds and when C had had it with me she said she was gonna leave me (she later said it was just to get me to panic and get away from them)  so I panicked and I wanted him to let me go. He started trying to pick me up and pull me to his car again but C pulled me away.

Later C told me the guy that asked if i think his friend is hot and if I want to go home with him, knew I was trans and just wanted us to kiss so he could make fun of his friend (she knew because the guy asked her "so what is his name?" when me and the guy were kissing) . 

Now the guy I kissed is asking C if I'm female and he said he's stressing about it.
I know we can't lie to him because he'll find out one way or another. But now I'm scared that he will try to hurt me or something if he knows.. I don't know how to feel about all of this

[FalseHybridPrincess]

oh man...
bad situation

hope it all ends well

[Jessica Merriman]

Melanie! This made the hair stand up on my neck and I don't even have any there. Why in the world would you put yourself in this situation?  Sorry, just the Mom coming out in me. I am so happy you got out of the situation like you did as this could have ended so badly. I think you are right to worry about fallout from this. Please don't take this reply as preaching or judgment, but someone who truly cares for you. Please do not get into this situation again. I am glad you are safe right now and did not pay the ultimate penalty for this. Please, please take care of yourself, OK? 

[Ms Grace]

I'd be staying away from that scene for a while if I was you.

[Juliett]

 To be clear, you are female. Never be afraid to tell people that they are full of crap. Most people drift through life blissfully unaware that 90% of what comes out of their mouths could fertilize a farm.

When all else fails, deny everything, admit nothing, make counter accusations.

[ssneha23]

Scary ... I would just stay away from those guys for a while. However, the whole night wasn't liketotally horrible. At least you had fun..

[ImagineKate]

Wow! That's pretty bad. But these are people who knew your friend, right? So who spilled the beans?

[BreezyB]

That must have been scary. But good on you for being you, though be careful in future hon

[Eva Marie]

Wow, scary situation!

I think you learned a valuable lesson that night about being out as a girl and safety. The rules are just wayyyyy different for being out as a female vs. being out as a guy, and as a trans woman the rules are even more different because we have lots more risks than a cisgender woman has in that situation.

If I had been me in that situation I would have avoided alcohol because I would want to be sharp and aware and not have my judgement possibly impaired. I would not have encouraged that guy, and I would not have been willing to get into his car. Your friend "C" was smart to get you out of that situation.

I am not intending to nag you, but as the parent of two young college age girls (one of which was followed into a bathroom by a creepy guy recently and was arrested for it) the safety of us girls is first and foremost in my mind. We have much at risk just for being who we are. You are young and cute and you have your whole life ahead of you - please be careful the next time this happens.

[stephaniec]

Wow, scary situation!

I think you learned a valuable lesson that night about being out as a girl and safety. The rules are just wayyyyy different for being out as a female vs. being out as a guy, and as a trans woman the rules are even more different because we have lots more risks than a cisgender woman has in that situation.

If I had been me in that situation I would have avoided alcohol because I would want to be sharp and aware and not have my judgement possibly impaired. I would not have encouraged that guy, and I would not have been willing to get into his car. Your friend "C" was smart to get you out of that situation.

I am not intending to nag you, but as the parent of two young college age girls (one of which was followed into a bathroom by a creepy guy recently and was arrested for it) the safety of us girls is first and foremost in my mind. We have much at risk just for being who we are. You are young and cute and you have your whole life ahead of you - please be careful the next time this happens.

ditto

[Mark3]

Yeah, best stay clear of any place you have a bad experience at like that. 

It was good there were two of you, buddy system is priceless in those places.

Stay safe.!

[Delsorou]

First off, you're female.  You owe NO ONE an explanation of that, ever.  Least of all some scumbag that would likely have raped you had your friend not pulled you away, or his friend who believes you are not a human but a tool to be used for his amusement in playing a prank.

Second, if he even vaguely intimates a threat to you remember that you can always charge him with attempted rape just based on what has ALREADY HAPPENED.  Being in a weird headspace and putting yourself out there, while risky as hell, is not a crime.  Neither is kissing.  Trying to drag you into his car while you protest, is.

Third, to echo what people have said here - for the love of pete be careful and stay safe!

Sorry if I sound preachy, but hearing this made me so angry at those two sorry sad excuses for human beings.

[Alice Rogers]

Thank you for reminding me why I dislike the clubbing/drinking scene.

[Shantel]

Melanie,
       Seems like you had a rather nice time up to a point, glad it didn't turn out really ugly though. We all have choices and some times it's better to refuse to acquiesce to male come-ons especially when you've never met that person and had no idea what to expect. I do realize how a few too many drinks can impede one's thought process. It was a good learning experience for sure and you get no criticism from me for being a fun loving girl. Be good, take care of yourself sweetie!

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Well in the UK, you just committed a jailable offense in not disclosing before sexual intimacy.  Backwards land I live in. 

[Alice Rogers]

Well in the UK, you just committed a jailable offense in not disclosing before sexual intimacy.  Backwards land I live in. 

Really? Isn't it just the guys fault for making assumptions based on societal norms?

[melanie maritz]

Sorry for scaring you guys with this  It was stupid of me to do what I did and I did learn from it.

C saw the two guys today ( they study almost the same thing she does and she sees them every thursday) they asked her if I'm a girl and she said yes I am as much a woman as she is so they believed her. Apparently that guy doesn't know for sure I'm trans but he recognised me from when I was a guy or something, it's confusing.

Now I'm a bit nervous because the guy I kissed studies very close to the building I study at. I've never seen him at uni before but as my luck would have it I'd probably bump into him sooner or later now. C says I should just ignore him and walk away from him if that should happen. so that's what I'll do.

Thank you all for caring about me . I'll be more careful from now on and I'll carry pepper spray with me

[Jess42]

Sorry for scaring you guys with this  It was stupid of me to do what I did and I did learn from it.

C saw the two guys today ( they study almost the same thing she does and she sees them every thursday) they asked her if I'm a girl and she said yes I am as much a woman as she is so they believed her. Apparently that guy doesn't know for sure I'm trans but he recognised me from when I was a guy or something, it's confusing.

Now I'm a bit nervous because the guy I kissed studies very close to the building I study at. I've never seen him at uni before but as my luck would have it I'd probably bump into him sooner or later now. C says I should just ignore him and walk away from him if that should happen. so that's what I'll do.

Thank you all for caring about me . I'll be more careful from now on and I'll carry pepper spray with me

Wow. Definitely be more careful from now on and go to the local sporting goods store and get the bear spray. If it will stop a bear, it will definitely stop a jackass.

It sounds like it started out fun and then went really scary really fast. Just always be careful Melanie. Those little urges and all, there are guys out there that don't care. And then there are these two Jackasses trying to use you to try to shame his friend. His friend may not even care, but.... There is just no way to know.

[Auroramarianna]

Carry pepper spray and tell the guys to f... Seriously. The guy who was going to instigate violence sucks. It sucks he would put you in such harmful position just so he can have fun. Your friend was very smart and protective of you to do that! She definitely deserves a keen eye award.

Be careful when going out at night! It's so much more dangerous as a girl and go with large groups, then keep an eye on each other and make sure you're all safe.

x

[katiej]

I agree with what others have said, so I'll just add one other thing here.  You may have just been looking to make out with some random guy, but for guys that's just the first step to sex.  They're all trying to get into your pants.  So please take these things more slowly in the future.

And a few months ago you were worried about not passing.  I guess that's over now, huh?