Parents-Counselor attempting to rationalize every single interest&Beliefs I have

[Annabellekay]

Hi So as some people who may or may not know, Im seeing a new counselor for my 'depression' as they're calling it. I often feel way way worse than better, and the 2nd appointment she has tried to rationalize every single interest i have which is a wide array, ranging from Star Trek, to Adventure Time and My Little Pony (geeky shows I like to collect the figures and 'toys' from). She also doesn't know much of my political views other than Im basically secular, she attempted to say i was a spiritual person but I disagreed with that, I used to be, but not anymore really. Also for the fact that I collect these toys, I could be "bipolar". My main point and question / reason why Im typing here is because shes just trying to rationalize my transgender feelings and my interests, my hobbies, my views even it seems. She kept fighting with me asking why Im not affiliated with being catholic like my family, and the obvious reasons are because i was indoctrinated from birth to go to catholic school which was hell for me, I was like marilyn manson, where as everyone else called me "->-bleeped-<-got" and slue of other things, mind you I was in just 4th grade when the bullying started there. Catholic kids seem to learn young to hate what they don't understand. So no wonder I hate and despise being even considered religious or catholic or anything. I had my moments where I was searching for faith, in the end I found really nothing. If anything I would consider myself  a philosopher- scholar of religion because I know a lot about it, many kinds, but in the end, Im secular. She just kept trying to rationalize why Im secular basically. When she asked me about my goals I told her Transition and probably gonna go to school at some later time for ballet, fashion, or politics. I mean I just don't get , why the rationalization on both sides? I mean is it misogyny and sexism, that Women can't be in politics or sciences?  Im trying to explain why they're trying to rationalize me. She basically told me I shouldn't transition, that I should just go to school and shut about this basally, but put way way nicer, with enthusiasm almost from what I remember.

Just to add  small note not like it could really matter much but My mom spoke to this woman before i ever did, so i think my mother lied to her about me and made me out to sound like some super extreme liberal who has never had transgender feelings up until 'all of a sudden' which truly isn't the case, that I supposedly read some article in support of a trans person and  DMV and once I read that, BAM, I woke up and said "mom, I'm transgender!!" Nope. Not like I wanted to be called Stacy when I was in 4th grade, when the bullying started.  I even found an old Disney World pin that says  "I'm a princess!" with the disney princess on it that I got when I was 8 years old. My mom used to buy me sailor moon dolls and Bratz dolls, Im pretty sure i loved pollypocket too at school when I was little, which probably set off people in school. I mean the evidence is clear that I am transgender, and for fxcks sake there doesn't need to be 'evidence', because in the end I am me and I know who I am. Like today, my mom said "you aren't gay, you aren't bisexual, you aren't transgender". Like mom DUH I know i am not gay. I made out with a guy, I hated it, I -HATE- guys, if anything I am a lesbian feminist hardcore. I just didnt enjoy making out with a guy compared to a girl, enough said on that one, you know? Its ridiculous.  So yeah, thats basically it. They are trying to rationalize everything, and its disheartening and wears on me, because now I need a psychiatrist to explain why i love adventure time, my little pony, and star trek, because that makes sense, just pick up any 90s kid and they'll say what I'm saying, that those shows, my little hobbies and collections, are normal. SO MANY adults collect legos, star wars garbage  I'm the equivalent of a geek and i don't see anything really wrong with ut, but apparently I'm mental and disordered in identity. Idk what to do with this situation. Any help ,conversation, dialog, questions and comments are appreciate

[Kaelin]

What sort of organization is the counselor affiliated with?  If they fail to respect having beliefs outside of Christianity, they're flagrantly unqualified to help you.  Failing to look at your transgender nature with compassion is right up there as well.

Mental health professionals in the US are usually overseen at the state level, so you may be able to file a complaint with the appropriate Board of Licensed Professionals, Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors, or whatever oversight organization exists for your state (assuming you live in the US).

I don't know your situation very well, and you may need help with something, but it appears that you're being treated very unfairly.  At the very least, you need to find someone else who you can at least ensure is actually a psychologist in an appropriate practice (contact a TG or at least a GLBT group in your area for recommendations).

[Mark3]

Maybe mention to the councilor that if you had more supportive patents, who didn't keep trying to tell you what you aren't, and could unconditionally love and accept you for what you are, a lot of your depression and anxiety might go away.?

Very best wishes with your councelling and depression, I know it can be very overwhelming..   

[Alice Rogers]

A Councillor and a patient aren't always suited to one another, perhaps finding a 'neutral' Councillor might help? If that's even an option.

I have seen several therapists over the years, there was one with whom I felt no connection at all and never seemed to make any progress under his care, then I have had another with whom I felt a light bulb go on and we managed a lot of positive progress, and I am not saying that simply because one agreed with my perspectives and the other did not, if anything the roles were reversed.

Everyone is entitled to a second opinion, and I feel very strongly that religion should be kept out of the process, your relationship with formalised religion has nothing to do with your transition (your relationship with God is a very different story)

[suzifrommd]

In my opinion, this therapist does not have your best interest at heart and is not qualified to give therapy to a transgender person. I don't say this lightly, but what you describe is over-the-top AWFUL.

[ZoeWillCode]

I'm on board with the rest. I've only had a couple of counseling sessions, myself, but they've been much more about listening to me than trying to "explain" anything at all. The advice she offers is limited to guiding me away from things that might lead to depression or self doubt (such as suggesting the way I phrase things makes it sound like I'm invalidating my own feelings). To most other things, she nods understandingly and asks me questions. There's very little, if any, explaining or "fixing" going on. As she puts it, "I don't have a motivation or an end goal for you. I'm here to help you get to a point where you're happy."

I can't imagine it any other way. I hope you're not forced to continue with someone that's constantly trying to explain and fix everything about you. It's only going to make you feel worse.

[Annabellekay]

I feel my last counselor listened a lot more, he told me to think of like positive characteristics of myself, like who am i. so i said, an artist, a philosopher, a politician, musician. you know, just qualities to myself. I feel with him, I was really discovering myself and progressing, growing as a person, maturing even.  Now my moms response to me wanting to see someone else went something like this "what? you want to see larry again? you're not. he was too passive with this, she is more aggressive, shes waking you up, you need someone aggressive" and I'm like "I'm not saying i need to see larry again, just somebody, anybody but her" and she said then "<not allowed>.Larry" and that was her defense I suppose. See with her, she has -ALWAYS- believed i needed somebody who was "aggressive" when it came to teaching, like math, because i have a math disability, so i usually always had a specialist there helping me right there to guide me through stuff, while taking me out of class to learn basic math, like pennies and counting, multiplication and addition, math is just very difficult for me, i am more of a science and english person, history and art. But yeah.  Her and the families claim as a whole is "he didnt help you, he's just telling you what you want to hear" I'm like that is illogical because he would be lying to me then, which you know, isn't professional and probably maybe illegal? so yeah...malpractice? hello......But yeah no, the guy who supported me and urged my mom to take me to the clinic to get doctor help for this situation where there are professionals and specialist, nope. Its all some scam (sarcasm).

@ Kaelin, I spoke to a local LCSW in the area at my towns teen center, he says the place I'm going to is a chain in the 'urban balance'. on their site they have a link to the "howard browne center" as well as a few books related to LGBT issues, however, I will add, once I googled her name,the first thing that popped up was her website and it is in-fact her, a website that is basically what I would call "pro-parent" psychology, where she speaks of kids who are defiant and a slue of other things, and how to basically get control of them. I don't get it. Like I'm not a bad kid, i sit in my room all day, i used to work part time I'm thinking of going back for a bit just for some spare cash in hand, but yeah i mean, I'm still a virgin, compared to my brother lets be honest he's way way worse, i wont get into personal details but he's no golden child yet the treat him like it; any who; you know like i research philosophy and politics, analyze news and world events, i watch and enjoy shows and the more fandom aspect of shows. Like adventure time has references to some characters in fact being 'intersex' and transgender, and not to mention in the show, they had a huge gender switch spin off type of thing, where everyone's gender was swapped so the main heroes became a girl and a cat, instead of a boy and a dog. Its creative and innovative story telling that holds some message or meaning. Its a way for the show to expose younger kids to more 'LGBT' or 'other ways' basically imbruing DIVERSITY. when it comes down to the shows I love, I love them for a specific reason, theres a specific reason I can connect to it, Don't even get me started with star trek because that holds a world philosophical background, I could write books on it if i wanted to. The need to rationalize and figure out everything is illogical to me. I have a right to be empowered with my counselor, as the LCSW at the teen center said. 

As far as filing any complaint i will certainly look into something of that extent even if i just make it known as a record for whomever i can report it to, i don't expect legal action or anything over the top, i just wanna report this crap. Its not right in the least. For seemingly being so "LGBT" open, I don't know, it raises red flags to me on an ethical and moral humane level. Its deceptive to me.
Also!! I wanted to add, I don't think I ever signed the counselor form the first session, we were too busy talking Im pretty sure I forgot, so I mean technically 1. I'm not legally bound by any contract or anything, and two 2. my mom just wasted $235 on two appointments being scammed basically if you wanna be blunt like really.....

[Asche]

[ O]nce I goggled her name,the first thing that popped up was her website and it is in-fact her, a website that is basically what I would call "pro-parent" psychology, where she speaks of kids who are defiant and a slue of other things, and how to basically get control of them. I don't get it. Like I'm not a bad kid, i sit in my room all day,..

I'll just say, as a parent, when I hear people talking about "defiance" and "getting control" in relation to children, especially adult or nearly-adult children, I don't get a good feeling.  It goes along with the idea that children should not have any will or nature of their own, so that the adults can mold them into whatever form they think best (think: Play-Doh(tm).)  Whatever spirit or nature a child has is seen as a problem.  In the long run, this rarely turns out well.

Oh, need I say that I do not exactly agree with/approve of this approach to raising children?  (My children were harder to raise than most, but I don't think a crush-the-spirit approach would have made it any easier, and it wouldn't have worked with them, anyway.)

From what I can see, there's nothing "bad" about you.  It sounds like their problem with you is that you're you and not whoever it is they wish you were.   (Sort of like the parents that stubbornly refuse to accept that the child they've designated as Future MD isn't cut out to be a doctor.)  The fact that you are evidently thinking for yourself makes it worse.  That's a really tough, soul-destroying situation to be in.  I wish I could do something for you to make you feel less alone and beset.  All I can say is that you are not alone, and if you can hold out for a few years (until college?  Until you get a job and your own place?), you'll be in a better position to take control of your life, and it can start getting better.

It's really too bad that your mother -- and your conselor -- can't appreciate you for who you are.  I'm sure you are in your way a wonderful kid (I can say that because I've gotten to know a lot of kids, and they've all been wonderful once I got to know them), and I think it's their loss that they aren't getting to know the real you.

[Annabellekay]

Hi i just wanted to add, I looked up her license information, she has had an expired LCPC license since 2001, she has another renewed one for a local area but but not the area where I'm seeing her.....so it seems super super fishy...almost like a scam so she can pay off the renewed license? I don't want to say or accuse anybody of any such acts however to me and professionally/ethically this is looking kind of ugly......

[Alice Rogers]

Hi i just wanted to add, I looked up her license information, she has had an expired LCPC license since 2001, she has another renewed one for a local area but but not the area where I'm seeing her.....so it seems super super fishy...almost like a scam so she can pay off the renewed license? I don't want to say or accuse anybody of any such acts however to me and professionally/ethically this is looking kind of ugly......

Tell your parents that, use it as leverage to find a new counselor....

[Annabellekay]

@Alice Oh god If i even brought this up with her that would be the end of me, she would flip out and yeah, I don't want a repeat of the other day...:/ Its like shooting myself in the foot really...

[Alice Rogers]

@Alice Oh god If i even brought this up with her that would be the end of me, she would flip out and yeah, I don't want a repeat of the other day...:/ Its like shooting myself in the foot really...

How about quietly confronting the counselor and telling her you will report her if she doesn't refer you to someone else?

[Annabellekay]

@Alice If she refers me to anything, my mom already probably told her she wants a referral for some psychiatrist or ward or something to that extent to get me 'evaluated' because like she said 'theres something not right with me, not right with my head', and the slue of other things. This person whoever my mom has chosen, deliberately or not, is going against my general welfare and free choice in congruency with my moms skewed, transphobic, right wing conservative christian whatever you want to call it, hateful agenda. Because once again My mom  absolutely positively  -knows- i am not transgender, she has it so clear in her head I'm not transgender, the belief is as ingrained into her head as the bible she supposedly lives her life by now all of sudden. Its malignant Narcissism.  Thats the best way I can describe what i feel like I'm dealing with here, with my mom. As far as the counselor, totally other story lol, and I'm thinking of filing a complaint with my states "Office of Executive  Inspector General" online.

[Alice Rogers]

Sounds like you have a handle on it anyway, filing a complaint might just make this particular problem go away! Good luck with your other problems!

xx

[Annabellekay]

So I contacted my states counseling board or whatever, their online form is broken or something because every time I put it through, I keep getting an error message. I contacted the main person there, who wasn't very helpful, he said that I had to contact the group (a huge acronym). So I told the guy he could be at least a little more helpful and provide a number, email, or contact information to somebody who could help me with this issue, and thats when he decided to use his brain and give me further information to contact somebody about this rather than putty foot with this failure of a website ive attempted to navigate. It never ends! -sigh-  So its sunday and theyre closed so I have to call the office tomorrow, Not sure If i will tell them the site isn't working properly or if Ill just handle the complaint over the phone but I have a few options to go forth with this.

[Kaelin]

When you go through this complain process, try to be firm but also understanding.  Some of the people you are talking to may not be directly responsible for the problem, so try to keep the discussion focused on your inability to report a problem and (if necessary) the necessity of being able to file complaints.

I would definitely advise against ever directly confronting a hostile person (a professional or otherwise) about their lack of qualifications or for other problems.  Always go above them.  This is recommended for a couple reasons:

1) You don't want to give the person a head's up.  If such a culprit deals with other people, then a complaint against them won't necessarily be traced back to you.  You also don't want to give such a person any extra opportunity to plan an excuse or cover their tracks.

2) Even if a direct confrontation works (and I seriously doubt it would), "scaring off" such a person would still allow them to prey on others.  Such a person needs to be dealt with by a higher authority.

I hope you're able to get the ball rolling tomorrow.

[Annabellekay]

Update, so I called my old-first counselor the thursday my mom and I had this blow-out / fight. I called him out of desperation and somebody to talk to because i was in pain and needed to talk after that. No answer, so today he calls my cell phone, which I didnt pick up because i didnt realize it was him at first. So he calls the house 3 times, my mom answers (of course), and hell breaks loose. My mom finds out I called, and shes pissed, then shes talking to my grandma saying that I called my old counselor to "snitch" on this new counselor lady. Everything I try to tell me old counselor, my mom takes as "snitching". She expects me to go to disney world too this week with the family, and I have no way out. I have no way to transition or get help all because of my mom who is a malignant narcissistic and this fraud archaic new counselor, I feel trapped, and I have no rights, and today I couldn't contact the licensing office because i was busy, besides if I call anybody, my mom will ask who I'm on the phone with, because she thinks I'm always talking to my counselor "snitching" on her. Yeah, really.