I might just transition at work...

[Lauren1]

Here is my situation:

I am off work for the semester because I am in school full-time. I've worked there 3.5 years. I am scheduled to return in January.

Prior to now I never felt comfortable with my look. Going out was sometimes a big deal. Now, while I'm female everywhere except school, going anywhere is nothing. I don't even know if I pass fully. I don't get the looks I used to in public. I'm feeling good. I'm also having FFS in December.

My fear is that after FFS, I will feel painful trying to present as a male again at work. I will have already been gone 4 months. This is the perfect time I feel like, just return as a female. I contacted HR to see what all we would need to do, not committing to coming back in January just yet.

So my fear.... is that I am placing convenience over readiness. I think I'm ready? Not sure if I'm ready? Will I ever feel ready? It seems surreal that this might be a reality in just 3 months. I'm going to start going to school as a female, justify it as practice. I feel like making the switch mid-semester is quite inconsiderate towards my soon-to-be-confused classmates. But I want the clock to start ticking on RLE, so I can get SRS and just finish this.

Am I being stupid?

[Ms Grace]

Sounds like you are ready to me. After you've had FFS you may not be able to present in dude mode anyway.

[Lauren1]

Sounds like you are ready to me. After you've had FFS you may not be able to present in dude mode anyway.

And no love lost there not being able to present as a boy! I'm going to Zukowski, love or hate his results... you will look different after. If I'm not even going to look like the same person....

Everything just shapes up to the conclusion I should switch.

[Jessica Merriman]

So my fear.... is that I am placing convenience over readiness. I think I'm ready? Not sure if I'm ready? Will I ever feel ready? It seems surreal that this might be a reality in just 3 months. I'm going to start going to school as a female, justify it as practice. I feel like making the switch mid-semester is quite inconsiderate towards my soon-to-be-confused classmates. But I want the clock to start ticking on RLE, so I can get SRS and just finish this.

If it makes you feel any better this is all normal!  I think you are more than ready reading your post. I think this is the perfect opportunity and if not taken now will make it much harder in the future.

Three girls in my real life support group went to Dr. Z and the results are amazing. They simply look incredible and all had a very good experience with him. So rest easy on that. 

[Missy~rmdlm]

A job is a grail for the normal people of society, transition on the job is a superb thing and many "successful" transitioning MtFs have done it as well as myself. In fact I'm on the hunt for my first job post transition. I would like to move to a new region and start living with my SO. Snagging a new 50k job hasn't just fallen into my lap. I'm working on it.
Being able to leverage an ongoing job for ones own independence is a key factor.

[Handy]

In practically the same situation; got 1.5 semesters of classes left, getting ffs in December, going full time after!

I felt it probably best to tell HR and coworkers before showing up with symmetrical pieces of my face missing, so I reached out to our company's lgbt networking forum who connected me with HR whom I then informed of my timeline and intentions.

If I were you I'd do like you were saying: reach out to HR, tell them what you are doing, and with any luck come back as yourself and by that point all the gossiping will have died down!

[BreezyB]

Hi Lauren, well you do sound like your ready, but I can imagine it's a daunting thought. I'm a fair way away from transitioning at work, I would love too but I'm just not ready. Julia gave some great advice around her transition at work, and it sounds like things went like clockwork. I'll be looking at speaking with HR and preparing a bit of a plan. Let them know that your ready emotionally.

I hope it all goes well and would love to hear how it goes.

Bree x

Hi BreezeB

Totally agree that we need more girls in IT.  For some reason we transwomen are strongly represented there (see a poll I started some weeks ago.) but in general women are highly under represented and I consider this a very disappointing outcome of the dotcom revolution.

Regarding coming out at work, I did open a thread on this some months ago that has a lot of useful discussion (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,159687.0.html) and here is the summary of what I found.

a) Strength of character and single-mindedness are key: your employer wants to know that you're strong enough to come out, handle some degree of behind-your-back comments, and still do your job at least as well as before.

b) Build a coalition of influencers:  I started with our in-house medic; she opened the door to the head of HR.  I also spoke to several senior managers who like to work with me, and they gave me their full support.

c) Take a solution to HR, not a problem:  when I met the head of HR, she confirmed that I was the first case of someone transitioning in the company (we're a puny 120,000 people world-wide - can you believe this?!)  I had prepared a 4-page roadmap of guidelines and possible scenarios for HR.  They, and the managers were all very grateful that someone had done this, and been thorough about it.  I am happy to share this with you.

d) Make it clear that you will do most of the work:  in line with the previous point, you need to set the pace and be ready to control your own transition at work. 

e) Consider "preparing the terrain":  because my team knew me as a gay boy, I used this to gradually become very much more androgynous over the space of a few months.  By the time I came out, it wasn't really a surprise to them.

f) Have a few parachutes ready:  by speaking to a few senior managers, I had some possible alternative places to work within my company in the event that my present position became untenable.  I also spoke to a friend in another company and he offered me a temporary position just in case I needed it.

In the end it went like clockwork

[Lauren1]

My HR rep emailed me close of business Friday to tell me she had to look into some things before our meeting. So I'm not sure when that meeting will take place but I love the list of ideas to own it and convince HR.

Now the pressure is on to lock my voice in. And get far enough in hair removal. I had laser so nearly everything in the mustache and sides of my face is gone, just got stubborn light hairs in my chin and neckside jawline. First electrolysis appt is tomorrow. I'm hoping to do at least 1 hour a week here on out. If my face is cleared it will be easier to manage here on out.

[sam79]

+1 on the FFS in December!  . I cannot wait ( having been FT for almost a year ), so you must be absolutely squirming for the date to roll around  

From what you've said, you're more than ready. It's fairly public, and I understand the concern and care for the students. Although kids seem to make child's play ( sorry ) out of acceptance.

There was an Australian show I've watched recently which had a young teacher who transitioned (FTM) on the job between semesters too. He said that the kids were overwhelmingly supportive, as well as the teachers and faculty. As scary as it sounded, he didn't have any issues. Here's the link if you're interested:

[BreezyB]

My HR rep emailed me close of business Friday to tell me she had to look into some things before our meeting. So I'm not sure when that meeting will take place but I love the list of ideas to own it and convince HR.

Now the pressure is on to lock my voice in. And get far enough in hair removal. I had laser so nearly everything in the mustache and sides of my face is gone, just got stubborn light hairs in my chin and neckside jawline. First electrolysis appt is tomorrow. I'm hoping to do at least 1 hour a week here on out. If my face is cleared it will be easier to manage here on out.

I'm sure HR are only checking a few things around their position, but depending on the company many are light years ahead in terms of having the anti discrimination policies etc in place. I know in Australia a company would struggle legally if they had a problem with someone transgender in the workplace.

But the same things you mentioned are what I'm wanting to have done before transitioning at work. I think the facial hair is more a practical thng, I mean, it takes long enough to get ready which out having to shave every morning lol

+1 on the FFS in December!  . I cannot wait ( having been FT for almost a year ), so you must be absolutely squirming for the date to roll around  

From what you've said, you're more than ready. It's fairly public, and I understand the concern and care for the students. Although kids seem to make child's play ( sorry ) out of acceptance.

There was an Australian show I've watched recently which had a young teacher who transitioned (FTM) on the job between semesters too. He said that the kids were overwhelmingly supportive, as well as the teachers and faculty. As scary as it sounded, he didn't have any issues. Here's the link if you're interested:

Thanks for sharing Trans Mission, was a great interview and I'll certainly be keeping an eye open for more episodes

[Lauren1]

So. My trial date is set the first Monday in January. Which is also the same day I was supposed to go back to work. Which means my name won't be updated in the system, not for awhile. I feel devestated. I can't do this boy thing any more. I let HR know, havent got a response back just yet... but when we made the plan it was pretty clear that legal name change was a bit necessary to do this.

Just pissed away the best chance I ever had. I hate everything.

[caitlyn powers]

Dear Lauren,

Have you asked your attorney whether they can move your trial date up, or could you ask work to start a little later?

Otherwise, were you going to transition in stealth, or was your HR department going to notify everyone?  If it is the latter, then it seems like this woukd just be part of that notice, i.e. that your name would be changing too.

Good luck, sweetie.

Cate