How did you do it? I want to be where you are at now. (Regarding full time)

[Shana-chan]

The more precise question I want to ask is, how did you transition and start living full time when others around you saw what was going on, as well as heard your new voice, name etc. Any advice/tips you can give me is much appreciated.

As for me, I keep dreading going into a video game store because one of the guys there knows me, and now I'm presenting full time at that store but, he still thinks I'm a guy due to hearing my old voice and I haven't used my new voice around him. Then at a grocery store, I've been avoiding a lady who checks me out. Both these people are very nice and kind, especially the lady and I don't wish to keep avoiding them but, I don't know what to do and I worry they'll raise questions up in front of others and cause a big scene.. 

What was said to you? What happened to you in situations like this?

[Ms Grace]

Number one rule is don't worry about what other people think.

I guess the "secret" is to make a strong visual shift between the two modes. For me it is the hair, and of course the way I dress. I actually look completely different in girl/guy mode. I've had people who have served me in cafés for years not recognise me when I started going in girl mode. I think they figured it out eventually, but certainly not the first few times, and by then it didn't matter anyway.

If staff are uncool to you then maybe a complaint to the manager is in order, or taking your business elsewhere.

[Mariah]

I leaped in with both feet, but when it came to dealing with people that I regularly dealt with at the grocery store my tactic was to avoid them at first. The fact is the only problem was that I had a problem with it and not them. I didn't use that tactic for long and found out my fears were just that fears and nothing else in the end. They were completely fine with it. I think you will find you won't need to avoid them either too. You just need to get your confidence to appoint where you feel comfortable going to them again. Fear of the unknown always gets us and it holds us up back from doing things and dealing with different people. How you react and your attitude going into it will make a huge difference. Besides not much is going to surprise them at the grocery store, or anywhere else for that matter, considering all the different people they deal with everyday.

The more precise question I want to ask is, how did you transition and start living full time when others around you saw what was going on, as well as heard your new voice, name etc. Any advice/tips you can give me is much appreciated.

As for me, I keep dreading going into a video game store because one of the guys there knows me, and now I'm presenting full time at that store but, he still thinks I'm a guy due to hearing my old voice and I haven't used my new voice around him. Then at a grocery store, I've been avoiding a lady who checks me out. Both these people are very nice and kind, especially the lady and I don't wish to keep avoiding them but, I don't know what to do and I worry they'll raise questions up in front of others and cause a big scene.. 

What was said to you? What happened to you in situations like this?

[Eva Marie]

Once I made the decision I knew it was real and there was no going back so I fully embraced it and jumped in with both feet - after all, this is my new life and i need to get used to it as quickly as possible. If I did not radiate confidence then I knew that people were not as likely to accept me so that was another consideration. Sure, jumping in like that caused me to make plenty of mistakes (some of which were quite embarrassing) but each one taught me something that I am not likely to forget, and I found that people are gracious and quick to forgive when they know you are new to something and are trying hard.

How did I do this? I quit caring what other people thought, especially people that I see rarely or random people I meet when i'm out and about. I am far more important to me than they are.

I am in the process of ruthlessly removing people from my life that choose not to accept me. I am living for *me* now after 50 years of living for other people, after living a false life that almost killed me. People can be on my side or not; it is sad to remove old friends from my life but if they cannot accept me then maybe they aren't the friend I thought they were.

[Emmaline]

I wrote a little handout explaining that I was born with a form of intersex condition and that I have transitioned to outwardly female in order to reduce the extreme distress caused.  I wrote that socially it is very embarassing as uninformed people mistake it for a sexual thing or mental illness, and add to the distress.  And that I would appreciate any help you can give by addressing and treated me as any other female.

I gave a link to 'the gender puzzle' on youtube.

Worked a treat.

[Violet Bloom]

  I would echo Eva Marie with my transition experience, although part-time so far, in that I've learned not to care.  This represents a complete reversal of how I lived, even independent of the transition issue throughout my life.  I used to be so self-conscious that it would paralyze me at times.  Getting past this came from the understanding that I can't control what people think of me or how they're going to treat me.  Within reasonable bounds I can't be bothered to try because it is futile.  Also keep in mind, and I've confirmed this with extensive observation, most people pay little conscious attention to the details of others around them.  It appears even if anyone is aware of me in my partially-transitioned state, they don't care and surprisingly so.  Even with repeat interaction with the same people everyone is playing along fairly with me so far.  It feels great to be partway through transition and already I'm just blending into the background noise of the city.

[DangerTom]

Im trying to figure this out as well, I still present as a tomboy in front of family but in my daily life I'm willing to present more in line with how I feel. I wore a dress to an event a few months ago; I just don't really have it in my right now to raise questions. But I guess it's an incremental thing, coming out bit by bit until it feels like the natural thing to do to be out to everyone? Just my two cents.